'AITA for taking away my brother's plus one and inviting his girlfriend myself?'
It can be supremely difficult to watch a sibling tank a perfectly good relationship.
"AITA for taking away my brother's plus one and inviting his girlfriend myself?"
I kind of know I am the AH, but I need to know how bad it was. My brother is 29 and has been with Lia for about 2 years. We all like her; she is super nice. I am getting married next April and sent an invite to my brother's apartment. We decided to send invites to households and not individuals.
For example, our aunt received an invite for her family and not for each individual. Last Thursday, we met at my parents' place. It was just the core family because of some tax reasons, lol.
While there, I asked my brother about Lia's dietary restrictions. I know that she is a vegetarian for health reasons and that she cannot have certain raw vegetables. He said that she wasn't going to come and that he was taking his girl best friend, Amanda, instead. Now, their relationship is weird af.
Amanda has always been stringing my brother along, in my opinion. He always denies having feelings for her, but let's be real here. Amanda would date other guys, blow off my brother, then when things were on the decline with her partners, she would be attached to him again.
Her last boyfriend broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then ex-girlfriend, Amanda, and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do? Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his ex-girlfriend. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his girlfriend broke up with him. I didn't even say anything anymore because it's all so weird.
So, when he said that, I asked if Lia already had other plans. But my brother said that Amanda had asked if she could come because it would be an opportunity to finally see the old gang (we were in the same friend group in high school). I told him that I would have invited Amanda if I wanted her there. Amanda is mean and cold.
She always makes disparaging comments about other girls. At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to "leave her alone" and then making a cryptic comment about something "hurting her."
I told my brother I was revoking his plus one and Amanda was NOT coming to our wedding. He accused me of being misogynistic and bigoted because I don't understand opposite-s*x friendships. Which is BS.
My husband has a female childhood friend who is his best woman. I love her too and she has been amazing. AND SHE RESPECTS F-KING BOUNDARIES. She always includes me and made a huge effort when I started dating my fiancé to integrate me into the friend group.
Anyway, I said my decision was final. He could take it or leave it, but I would be inviting Lia myself because I like her. He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business. I said to get rid of his weird fucking feelings for Amanda. He is mad at me. My dad said is none of our deal. My mom is furious with my brother. So AITA?
The internet kept it real in the comment section.
Prudent_Fold190 wrote:
NTA. I have think bottom line is you don’t want Amanda at your wedding because she causes a scene and brings a negative energy. I think you are well within your right to say she is not allowed at the wedding.
You can invite Lia yourself but by the sounds of your brothers behaviour who knows if they will even still be together by then. Even if they are I wouldn’t count on her sticking around if he keeps prioritizing Amanda over her.
OP responded:
I like Lia like genuinely as a friend and would like her there. I should honestly just have invited her officially, too. I should have honestly have been able to forsee David would do this.
PlaceDue1063 wrote:
NTA; primarily because you say you intentionally did NOT invite Amanda and that you two no longer get along, despite previously sharing a friend group. He doesn’t get to bring someone intentionally not invited to your wedding.
Unfortunately you can’t control his obsession with Amanda and he likely has to keep destroying relationships before he finally gets that he is prioritizing her over his relationships.
OP responded:
I gave given up talking to him years ago. I always feel sorry for the amazing girls he brings home, tho. I still talk to his ex. She helped me with my career. Lol. He is going to end up alone.
Silmariel wrote:
NTA. But just to be safe, tell Lia she is invited even if she isnt with your brother anymore at the time of the wedding because "let's be real here" she can do a lot better and it's just a matter of time before she realises that and dumps him. Let Lia have a +1 so she can enjoy herself :)
That would make her feel truly welcome.
Your brother is a major AH, and I dont blame you at all for not wanting his side piece at your wedding. I also wouldnt blame you if you didnt want him at your wedding.
OP responded:
She can so much better. On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance. And when he is not drooling for Amanda, he is generally really nice and loving. But bro.
Visual-Bro-9359 wrote:
NTA because you gave the plus one assuming his gf is coming, not your "common friend" aka his female friend who he loves but is being stupid about" person. Like you said, if u wanted miss girlie amanda to come you wouldve invited her sooo nope. NTA.
lovesorangesoda636 wrote:
NTA. Honestly, the invite should have been to brother + Lia in the first place. Not inviting people by name only adds problems when people decide that having an invite for 4 people means any 4 people they want. One thing to consider though - is Amanda likely to show up anyway because your brother already told her she was his +1?
EffectiveOne236 wrote:
I'm surprised you think you're an AH at all. You are well within your rights not to want someone who causes drama at your wedding. Amanda wants to see the old gang, cool, you don't want her there. That's an Amanda problem.
I see other comments saying Lia would probably be uncomfortable and I'd agree. You can't force your brother's girlfriend into the picture if he's trying to exclude her but you a make sure Amanda's not there. That's not you being an AH, your brother is the AH here. 100%.