'AITA for asking my BIL to pay the replacement cost of my coat he lost, not what I paid for it?'
"AITA for telling my BIL to pay me $700 for my lost coat when I bought it for $100?"
Last year I was at the mall with my fiance when I saw this awesome cashmere/wool coat. It was perfect in every way and there was only 1 left in my size. The best news was that it was on clearance for $100 so I bought it without a second thought.
I have worn it several times last year but it hasn’t been cold enough this year for me to break out the coat. Last week when I saw the news about the upcoming cold front, I decided it was time to take it to the dry cleaners so that I can wear it this week.
After tearing all my closets apart without seeing it, I asked my fiance if she had seen it. She told me that she hadn’t seen me wear it in awhile so she lent it to her brother to wear to a wedding. I was annoyed at hearing this but decided not to make a big deal so I simply told her to tell her brother to bring it back so I could get it dry cleaned.
Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t brought it back so I asked her about it again, nothing. Come Friday, and i haven’t heard anything so I called him. He said that he told my wife on Tuesday that he got drunk at the wedding and lost my coat. I was super annoyed at this so I told him he owes that exact coat from that exact brand.
Last night my fiance came home from work in a mood and handed me $100. She said that her brother dropped off the money and I shouldn’t have made her brother pay for the coat since I knew he doesn’t make very much and I haven’t worn it but a handful of times.
I looked at the $100 and told her I wanted a replacement coat or the amount it currently cost so that I can buy a new one and that $100 won’t cover it. She said he went to the store and it cost $700 now but she knew I only paid $100 for it so she told him $100 would cover the cost.
I argued that $100 doesn’t buy me a new coat. We went back and forth but couldn’t find any common ground. She offered to throw in an extra $100 of her own money and said sarcastically that I’m coming out ahead.
I argued that I’m still out a coat and nothing will satisfy my lost except for a replacement coat. She argued that I don’t have to have the exact coat and that I can buy a similar one with $200.
She thought I was being ridiculous and called her parents on speaker phone. Of course they sided with their children and her dad tried to say that a man shouldn’t be so hung up on a coat. I told him that a man replaces what he loses.
So now they’re all mad at me for wanting to make a profit from their son and intimating that he’s not a man. Am I wrong for wanting the same coat as a replacement?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Itsy_Bitsy_Hider said:
NTA. I don't see this as an attempt to make a profit. I see this as a man wanting his coat replaced. Just so happens the value of the coat went up. If a thief steals from a home, and takes gold bars from the safe. When the thief is convicted and ordered to pay restitution, the current value of the gold bars is considered, even if the value of the gold bars were significantly less at the time of purchase.
BIL needs to have some integrity and take personal responsibility. HE borrowed the coat, and HE lost it. As a man, you pay your debts! BIL is an AH for losing the coat, but it happens, and the manly/correct response is to replace it.
GF is definitely an AH for lending the coat out without talking to OP about it. GF is also an AH for not being forthcoming with OP about BIL losing the coat. GF is also an AH for deciding how much BIL should pay to replace the coat on her own, without consulting OP. There are some red flags with OP's GF, that he should probably take into consideration.
UnequalPenguin said:
Well it is just a coat, but the fact that your fiancée gave your stuff away without even telling you (let alone asking), didn't tell you it was lost, made no effort to see your reasoning and then went to daddy for help, makes her a huge AH. NTA, and you have a gf problem.
Timely_Egg_6827 said:
NTA They wanted to borrow the nice coat because it was expensive and looked good for a wedding. You got lucky - they stole your luck and you are now out a good quality coat. Fair to ask for a replacement. But phone the venue and taxis as often get handins.
If not, relationships are already blown so may as well get the money. Letting them off now isn't going to mend that.
FuzzyMom2005 said:
NTA. It's not unreasonable to expect your BIL to replace your coat. Your coat is not a car, there's no depreciation value. You want the coat. He should get you the coat, especially since he's not buying the coat. He LOST it while drunk. Your wife's family has an interesting take on integrity and ethics.
CourteousBoldn said:
NTA. Your fiance lent out your cherished coat without asking, and now she and her family are downplaying the replacement. It's her responsibility to make things right, not to cheap out on a sentimental item that has been lost by her own brother. You're not wrong for wanting a proper replacement, and her dismissal of your feelings is not okay.
Jules_2023 said:
NTA. Show them this post. You have a fiancee problem. This is one of many future problems that your fiancee will side with her family instead of you. It sounds like your BIL saw your coat and wanted to wear it because he likes to live above his means and maybe he doesn’t have nice things not just because he doesn’t make a lot of money, but also doesn’t take care of things.
If you want, try to work with on some common ground. If they keep guilting you, well then it becomes more than just the coat, do you see yourself dealing with BS like this your entire life. You deserve an exact replacement if that is what you want.
Green_Seat8152 said:
NTA. Do you loan out her clothes without asking? This is really all her fault. She loaned it out she is responsible for replacing it. She can go after her brother for the money if she wants but this is on her.