'AITA for telling my husband's friend to wear a bra?'
"AITA for telling my husband's friend to wear a bra?"
Glum-Difference-8686
This might sound ridiculous, but I feel like I'm going crazy. My (34F) husband (35M) has friends over every Friday night to play games. I like his friends and generally join in when I'm not too tired.
One of his friends, Peach (26F), could be described as a hippy. She's a vegan, doesn't shave, doesn't wear make-up, and, obviously, doesn't wear bras. She's started wearing some tight tank tops recently because it's the summer.
Sometimes you can really clearly see her n!ppl3s. I feel weird about because half of the group are men. They act like they don't care or notice, but I feel like it's because they don't want to be the one to tell her to wear a bra.
On Friday I pulled Peach aside before she left and told her that she needs to start wearing bras. I said that it's okay to not wear one in her own home, but she's not a child anymore and she needs to start wearing one when she leaves the house.
I made sure to say that it wasn't personal, because she's a great person, but she makes other people feel uncomfortable. She looked surprised, but apologized for making me uncomfortable.
I told her that it's not me who's uncomfortable, she needs to be more mindful of the men in her life. It's hard to focus on having fun when your friend has her chest out. She apologized again and left.
A couple people overheard our conversation and asked her about it when they thought I couldn't hear them. Peach said she'd make sure to wear a bra next week, but the other two people said it was ridiculous and that I shouldn't tell her what to wear.
I was told by my husband that the group doesn't want me to participate in game night anymore. They agreed to have game night at someone else's house so Peach and the other women in the group don't need to worry about being 'objectified' or 'policed' on what they choose to wear.
I feel like this is kind of crazy, am I really an AH just for telling someone to wear a bra? She didn't even seem upset. I know I was pretty firm with her but I just feel like this is being blown way out of proportion.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Sekshual_Tyranosauce
YTA. If the men there were uncomfortable they did the grown up thing and left her alone about it.
EmuDue9390
You are indeed the AH and a liar to boot. It was YOU & ONLY YOU who was uncomfortable, that is what you lied about to her face. Insecure much? Congratz on getting yourself disinvited.
According-Shirt3955
Exactly. OP knew it was wrong too that’s why she blamed other people to justify herself. Better self reflect big time and apologize OP— You sexualized her in your own mind making HER uncomfortable within her own friend group, while also making her think others were whispering behind her back, all because of your own insecurities.
Peak mean girl judgement and manipulation. Would you make a man wear something under his shirt because his nipples might poke out and distract the women? Of course not.
AngryTrucker
YTA. You're the only one who gives a shit and embarrassed her for no reason.
Fluffy-Match9676
YTA for body shaming. I say this because we belittle girls in school by making them wear certain clothing because it "distracts the boys" when we should be teaching boys how not to sexualize all women. Also, is your name Elaine Benes by any chance?
Next-Drummer-9280
YTA. You claimed to speak for other people when no one else had an issue. You were way out of line. And now, your husband’s friends no longer wish to spend time with you, a person who sticks their face in where it doesn’t belong and who shames their friends.
Your problem with unrestrained breasts is just that: YOUR problem. You messed up and found out in record time.
Edit: "Peach (26F), could be described as a hippy. She’s a vegan, doesn’t shave, doesn’t wear make-up, and, obviously, doesn’t wear bras."
Also, your complete and utter disdain for Peach and how she doesn’t believe/behave/dress the way YOU think a woman should just drips off your words. It’s disgusting. Your way of being a woman isn’t the only way to be a woman.
surpriseconsent
What a royal b-word you are. And I'm delighted you came here hoping to find a ton of sympathizers. You owe this nice nippled girl an apology. The saddest thing here is that she AGREED to wear a bra in the future. You made a normal kind person feel bad for no reason other than your own insecurity. Shame on you. Your soul is ugly.
SuspiciousInternet57
YTA. You claimed it was other people feeling uncomfortable about it but you were the only person who seemed to have an issue with it. it comes off as petty and jealous.
iPlayViolas
Yeah she worded it very clearly for us. She was jealous that her husband and his friends were so chill and mature regarding the nipples of a 26 year old. The real problem here is OP views the men in her life quite lowly.
She expects them to be distracted by her not wearing a bra. I think that’s absolutely crazy and manipulative. Especially since she had to lie that it wasn’t her that was uncomfortable lmao. “Think about the men in your life” my god. Spoken like a true Christian mommy.