My exwife and I got sick of each other about 10 years into our marriage. We had three kids by then and we tried to make it work for their sake. It didn't work and we divorced. I let her keep the house because it was the kid's home and I wanted them to have some stability. I paid child support and I paid for extracurriculars on top of that.
I had to work a lot of hours to afford everything I was paying for but I thought it was worth it. My mental health improved being away from my ex and the kids were taken care of. I tried to stay involved in their lives but I couldn't support them financially as well as be there for every event.
I made an effort to be there for all the important things. Birthdays, Christmas, holidays. I also made sure that my custody time was sacrosanct. I would turn off my work phone and be present when we were together.
But no matter how I tried they got resentful that I wasn't always their. It didn't matter to them that they only got to participate in these activities was because I was sacrificing for them.
They wanted me to pay for the extras but somehow not work to pay for the extras. When they got to be older teens I tried reasoning with them. But their argument was that their mom worked and still managed to attend.
We grew apart and they cut me out of their lives. I hated it. I still made sure they all graduated from college without debt. One of them got a scholarship so I actually had a little extra money to give them.
I rarely saw them after they left high school. I have not seen them in years now. My ex passed away and I sold the house. It was mine as per our agreement. She could live there for free until she got remarried. She never did.
The kids were expecting to get money from her estate. And they did. After everything was said and done they each got about $31,000. What they didn't get was a share of the profit from the house.
That will fund my retirement. I disliked my ex but she was a good mom. I never wanted to get this money this way. I would have been fine letting her live there another thirty years.
The kids came to my house to talk to me. They said that they were all counting on that money. I asked why? What made them think their mom was going to die on vacation at 53?
They said that it wasn't fair that I got the house. I said I owned the house and that their mom didn't leave it to me. As part of our divorce I owned the house and even paid the taxes and for maintenance.
They said that they could really use some help. I said that none of them were really my problem any more. I hadn't been invited to their homes and that I hadn't been asked to participate in their weddings. I attended as a guest. They all think I'm being an AH and stingy. I think they would not have bothered talking to me except for the money.
Eve-3
"They said that they were all counting on that money. I asked why? What made them think their mom was going to die on vacation at 53?"
Thanks for the chuckle. Sorry your kids suck.
Fire_or_water_kai
I wonder if ex-wife was truly ever honest about how their lifestyle was funded. It's very easy to afford and attend events when your biggest expense and worry is covered, and the luxury of having money for college is as well. What light did she paint OP in? Doesn't change that OP's kids are entitled AHs.
Certain-Thought531
"But their argument was that their mom worked and still managed to attend."
Sure thing, since she didn't have to pay anything for housing while you were paying double, I wonder if they ever knew of this? NTA.
Turbulent_Ebb5669
NTA, everybody thinks they're owed these days.
dncrmom
NTA the reason why they inherited so little is because their mother was there for them and all their events. She couldn’t work longer hours to save more money. You shouldered the financial burden, helped your ex, paid for their education at the expense of being there for them.
They can’t have it both ways. They graduated debt free and have the tools to provide for themselves. Perhaps if they wish to reconnect and have a better relationship with you as adults, they can inherit the money when you pass.
Specialist-Leek-6927
So, let me get this, their mother dies relatively young, and they say they were counting on money from her estate? wtf. NTA.
Mean_Parsnip
Some people start to spend money they think is coming after someone dies, in their mind if not for real. They may have bought some high ticket items thinking the house is going to sell for $X amount. Maybe, they spent the money in their heads, like ooh now we can pay off our student loans or that maxed out credit card.
BefuddledPolydactyls
NTA. At this point, I wouldn't waste 2 seconds on what "they all think." Your position is rock solid, and they are greedy and trying to be entitled to something that was never theirs, nor their mother's.
You are correct that they only are jabbering because of the money, and that's not a reason from your point of view. Enjoy your retirement, and stop talking to them. No is no, and firm.
Objective_Grocery525
So, you paid for college and haven't seen them in years, and now they're wanting money from your house? Absolutely not. You're NTA. I'm always amazed how relatives show up when they sniff money. You did your part. Put some of the money in a money market account so it'll earn interest.