'AITA for telling my roommate that my cat isn't hers? She introduces the cat as hers.' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my roommate that my cat isn't hers?"
So I [22 F] have this one roommate [20 F] that I've kinda always had issues with, her and I don't click and I don't mind that because it happens. But last night I kinda got after her because I got tired of her treating my cat like she's hers.
I'm not sure if it's important but my cat is my ESA and I don't care that much if my roommates play with her she's still 5 months and needs quite a bit of play time. I had set some ground rules though. She's in my room so I told my roommates that I don't care if they take her out just message me or let me know. The other rule is that if they take her out they have to leave the door open so she can get to her litter box, food/water, etc.
My room is also her space to go when she feels overwhelmed too. This one roommate though has taken her up to her room and closed the door to her room a couple times and doesn't tell me. So every time I'm searching for her freaking out a little that she got out.
I've told this roommate a couple times to let me know and keep the doors open. She also will have friends over and introduce the cat as "this is my sweet girl!" even if I'm sitting there. Anyway last night I had gotten fed up with it because at 1 am I wanted to go to bed and I couldn't find my cat anywhere so I started shaking the treat box. I could hear jingling upstairs so I looked up the stairs and I watch this roommate CHUCK my cat out her door.
So I marched up there and confronted her, I did raise my voice a bit but Im pretty fed up with her. Now she's been calling me petty and childish, telling the other roommates I won't let her see my cat because I hate her (not true I didn't say she couldn't see the cat i just told her she needs to listen to the rules and stop treating my cat like it's hers).
She's also been avoiding me telling the other roommates I screamed at her for no reason and that she's worried about continuing to live with me if I can't control my emotions around her. This situation isn't the only thing she's done but I'm wondering if ITA and if I should've handled it differently.
Not long after posting, OP shared an update.
EDIT:
I've gotten quite a few comments about her being locked in my room and I think this is the best way to clarify: she isn't locked away in my room all day. Just when no one is home. We (my vet including) believe she has pica.
Which is were she regularly consumes non-food material. I've been working with my vet with this. My room is the only place I can guarantee that she can't get something. So when no one is home she's in my room, which she's only in for a couple hours a day because my other two roommates let her out if I'm not home and they are.
And I have a ton of toys and climbable things in there. I also take her on walks when the weather is nice to help with being locked up. I do not like leaving her in my room but it is for her safety. Similar to crating a dog. Sorry for any confusion this has caused.
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
IAmIrene wrote:
Cats don't really seem to care where they get their love and affection from as long as they get it and if anyone is willing, they'll take full advantage. Cat is going to cat.
That said, your roommate is stealing your kitty and holding her in her room. That's not okay.
"Now she's been calling me petty and childish, telling the other roommates I won't let her see my cat because I hate her."
Basically accusing you of what she herself is guilty of, lol. It's just projection, ignore it.
"Telling the other roommates I screamed at her for no reason."
Cat-napping is reason to be upset and confront.
You are NTA here. Seems you have a roommate bent on doing whatever the hell she wants and damn the consequences. Hopefully either you or her will be able to move out soon.
OP responded:
Thank you for the support! She moves out at the end of our lease, me and the other roommates decided real fast we couldn't live with her again.
Princessmeanyface responded:
Make sure you chip your cat. I wouldn’t put it past her to try and steal the sweet baby.
OP responded:
She is! She also has a very distinctive pattern and I do happen to know where she is going to be moving. Thank you.
criticalvibecheck responded:
You might want to see if a friend or relative can watch the cat for a few days when it comes time for her to move out. Or just make sure you or someone else is always monitoring kitty while she’s getting her stuff out, and don’t stop until she’s turned in her key. She sounds like the type to not only steal your cat but also hide her from you at other people’s houses when you come to retrieve her.
OP responded:
I was already planning on having my sister take her those days just cause she does like to try and run out the door and with moving the door is open a lot. Thank you for the advice!
Intermountain-Gal wrote:
I sometimes greet my brother’s and nephew’s dogs as “my sweet girl”. I love them to pieces! I know, though, they don’t belong to me. I think the problem lies in the fact that this roommate’s other behaviors indicate that she isn’t recognizing boundaries, and may actually be starting to believe the cat is hers. That is a serious problem.
OP responded:
Yeah, I realize with some of the other comments I may have not been clear with I think she thinks it's her cat. Thank you!
Catracas wrote:
NTA. You had clear, reasonable rules and they're not being respected. You might be a bit too sensitive about her saying things like "this is my sweet girl" (there she's arguably just showing affection for the cat), but given all the other rule-breaking...fair enough hahaha I'd be annoyed too!
SamSovern wrote:
NTA: Get a locking doorknob and a small camera for inside your room in case she tries to unlock the door anyway. She is being disrespectful and if she chucked a small kitten she is also a danger to it.
OP responded:
I probably will end up doing that, the reason I haven't yet is because my other two roommates are super respectful and I'd like them to have access to my cat. Thank you for the support!