'AITA for telling my friend to 'get a BF' after she complained about my BF buying me flowers.'

"AITA for telling my single friend to 'get a boyfriend?'"

I 22M, am dating my bf, Jack, 22M. That is not a typo, we're gay. I often like to get him flowers. He doesn't particularly like flowers, and it started kind of as a joke/light bullying, because of the common stereotype of gay guys being feminine and flowers being girly. But now it's a pretty nice tradition.

Over the weekend, my friends and I went out as a group, and I got Jack flowers. Our friend group is mixed of guys and girls, and one of my mates, Alex, made a joke about me not being a gentleman and getting some for everybody. Jack then gave him one of the flowers and he gave an exaggerated bow.

It was very jokey not serious at all. Here's where things get a little weird, Amy (21F) did not seem to like this joke at all. Like spent the entire thing kind of vaguely sulking. I thought I was imagining it, but she came to me at the end and told me it was rude of me to get my boyfriend flowers and not the girls at the table.

I told her she was being strange, and it's not my job to get anyone who isn't Jack flowers. She said I let Alex have one, and he is 'not even a girl'. I don't know if I came off rude here, but I was just genuinely completely like stunned and confused af, so I told her to 'get a boyfriend' if she wants flowers so damn bad. She told me I was being mis-gynistic by saying she 'needed a man to buy her flowers'.

I realize I may have implied that, but I don't think it was really an AH thing to do, since she is straight, and seemed to want to have flowers bought for her, not to buy them herself. I didn't answer and might have 'given her the stink eye' which I kinda do by mistake when someone says something really dumb or confusing.

Anyway, she said I'm an AH, and has been kinda off in group chats lately. Is something flying straight over my head? I've never been in a situation like this before. Is this a straight-people rule I don't understand? Are guys supposed to get girls flowers even when they aren't dating?

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

ladymode wrote:

NTA. It’s none of Amy’s business that you get flowers for your BOYFRIEND. Just because you decide to get him flowers doesn’t mean you’re obliged to get flowers for the girls at the table, or anyone else.

Your boyfriend giving Alex a flower isn’t even that serious. That probably wouldn’t have happened if Alex didn’t come forward and make a joke about you not being a gentleman and not getting some for everybody.

Not that you even have to justify your reasons for letting Alex have a flower. With that being said, I do think you should maybe work on the whole “stink eye” thing when someone says something dumb or confusing. I’m not sure what you mean by you kinda do that by mistake.

OP responded:

Idk why I do it 😭 Its my confused face and people call it a stink eye. Like This face or this.

Mobile_Following_198 wrote:

NTA. She's unironically being s-xist herself though. And it sounds like she's also minimizing or intentionally not recognizing yours and your bfs relationship. It's not hard to understand you bought flowers for your partner, not everyone. Her expecting you to get the girls flowers is also s-xist and heteronormative.

You're a gay man who bought flowers for your partner. You're not trying to court the girls at the table. There would be no reason for you to buy all the girls flowers. They also don't deserve flowers from you just because they're women and you're a man. Overall, she's just got some really weird views.

What you said wasn't bad - you know she's straight and she wants flowers from a guy. Suggesting she gets a boyfriend seems like a pretty normal and tame comeback considering her own insinuations.

SolitaryTeaParty wrote:

NTA. It’s s-xist for you to tell her to get a bf if she wants flowers, but NOT s-xist for her to think that you, a man, owe her flowers because she’s a woman in your general vicinity? This logic is failing to logic. Amy can buy her own flowers, but it sounds like she needs to feel special and therefore needs people to give them to her instead. That’s her business - not yours.

Tangerine_Bouquet wrote:

NTA. Amy apparently wants all the attention and flowers from everyone. That's not about you. She's disrespecting your relationship, and apparently thinks all the 'girls' are more deserving of gifts.

She may just be lonely and bitter, but if her other actions in the friend group show that she's homophobic or generally disrespectful to her friends that are men, it may be worth calling her out on it or hanging out without her.

As others said, if she wants flowers, she can buy them for herself. If she wants the attention, she can find a boyfriend, as you said. It's reasonable for you to explain that you are Jack's boyfriend, not hers.