'AITA for telling my sister she can't bring her dog to my wedding?' 'Now my parents are involved.'
"AITA for telling my sister she can't bring her dog to my wedding?"
My (30F) wedding is coming up in three months. I've been planning it for over a year, and everything is almost set. My fiancé (32M) and I are both really excited. We're having a fairly traditional wedding at a nice venue with about 150 guests.
My sister, "Emma" (28F), has a 3-year-old Golden Retriever named "Buddy" whom she absolutely adores. Emma has always been very close to Buddy, and he goes almost everywhere with her. I love Buddy, too, but I'm not as obsessed with him as Emma is.
A few weeks ago, Emma asked me if she could bring Buddy to the wedding. She said he would be well-behaved and that it would make her feel more comfortable since she has some social anxiety. She even offered to keep him outside or in a designated area if that would help.
I thought about it, but ultimately, I decided it wouldn't be a good idea. Our venue isn't pet-friendly, and I don't want to deal with the logistics of having a dog at the wedding. There are also a few guests with dog allergies, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or excluded.
When I told Emma this, she got really upset. She said I was being unreasonable and that it wouldn't be a big deal to have Buddy there. She even accused me of not caring about her feelings or her anxiety. I tried to explain my reasons, but she was too angry to listen and said she wouldn't come to the wedding if Buddy wasn't allowed.
Now my parents are involved. They think I should make an exception for Emma because she's family and weddings are about bringing people together. They said I'm being too rigid and should reconsider, especially since Emma is threatening not to come.
I'm really torn. On one hand, I want my sister at my wedding, and I don't want to cause a family rift. On the other hand, I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable by saying no to bringing a dog to a wedding venue. AITA for sticking to my decision?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Hopeful-Material4123 said:
NTA...if the dog messes up the wedding venue, it will be on you and your husband. That is one thing. The other thing is weddings are actually about celebrating the bride and groom...not guilting them with demands and conditions. What your sister is doing is unfair. Your parents backing the behavior is exactly why she thinks this is ok.
I am sorry your sister is manipulating you about a day that you no doubt spent lots of time and money and energy planning. And you deserve to enjoy it. YOU won't be causing a rift. It's time Emma either grows up or sees herself out. She is acting like a toddler. I hope you have the best wedding and that you stick to your guns.
BeeJackson said:
NTA - I’m sure there are places she’s been without her dog. If she could even suggest that he stay outside then it means that she doesn’t need him right there with her.
Turn it back on her and your parents: If she’d rather choose her dog over her sister then she really shouldn’t be at the wedding. This is about everyone and not just her needs. You aren’t risking the health of other guests for her convenience. If she’s anxious then she can just stick close to your parents.
freerange_chicken said:
NTA, come on. If Buddy isn’t a service animal and your venue isn’t pet friendly, this is a non-starter. That should be more than enough. But what’s more, you should not have to worry about the logistics of a dog at your venue. Further, you know you have people who are allergic.
If the simple fact that the venue isn’t pet friendly isn’t enough, you have more than enough other justification. Not that you need them. I adore my dog too and she helps me immensely with my anxiety, but she is not a service animal, and so I have no right to even ask if she can come along anywhere.
Liss78 said:
NTA. Call your venue and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want the dog there, and you're sure they don't either. Ask them to email you their pet policy and then decline your request to allow the dog. You won't be the bad guy anymore.
Hippopotasaurus-Rex said:
NTA. I attended a wedding where someone brought their “service dog” with them. Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, this dog was absolutely NOT a service dog.
It spent a good part of the wedding ceremony barking, whining or being shushed by the owner. Then at the reception, it spent its time cowering under a table, barking, whining and eventually it shit on the dance floor (indoors).
Weddings are not good for pets. There are a lot of people moving around and typically alcohol flowing. Dog could easily get hurt or lost, or ruin the event for everyone else. Let sister miss out on your wedding if she feels the need to die on this hill.
omeomi24 said:
NTA - and you make a good point about guests who might be allergic (or afraid) of dogs. Most wedding venues will not allow pets unless they are REAL (trained/licensed) therapy or support animals.
Your sister is 28 - why are your parents involved at all? What I notice is that so many people come up with self diagnoses when they are trying to get what they want. Is your sister diagnosed/being treated for debilitating anxiety?
Is Buddy a TRUE service/support dog? Or is she coming up with reasons to do what she wants to do? The answer is 'no pets at the wedding' - if that means your sister stays home, so be it.
[deleted] said:
NTA. If your sister can’t go places without her dog then she needs therapy so she can work on how to deal with social anxiety in a healthy way.
Leading-Knowledge712 said:
NTA I love dogs, but they don’t belong at a wedding unless they are service animals trained to do a specific task for a person with a disability, which this dog is not. Also the venue isn’t pet friendly and some people are allergic. Therefore sis needs to either leave her dog at home or not come if she’s unwilling to do so.