'AITA for telling my sister she doesn't deserve her husband? She constantly makes fun of him.'
"AITAH for telling my sister she doesn't deserve her husband?"
I (27F) got into a huge fight with my sister (30F) last week, and honestly, I can’t tell if I was out of line or not. My sister’s been married to her husband, Mike (32M), for about five years. They also have a little boy, who's 3.
Mike is seriously one of the nicest, most hardworking people I’ve ever met. He works long hours to provide for their family, and on top of that, he still comes home, cleans the house, and takes care of their son. The problem is, my sister doesn’t seem to appreciate any of it.
She doesn’t work, she doesn’t clean, and she barely spends time taking care of their kid. Most days, she just lounges around watching TV or scrolling on her phone. It’s not just the lack of effort she constantly makes fun of Mike in front of other people, like at family gatherings or parties. She’ll joke about how he’s “too uptight” or “can’t sit still” because he’s always cleaning up or organizing.
She acts like it’s funny, but I can see how much it hurts him. He tries to laugh it off, but you can see it on his face. He’s miserable. I think he stays for their son, and because he’s the kind of guy who would never just walk away from his family. But it’s obvious this situation is wearing him down.
The breaking point came at a family dinner last weekend. We were all sitting around, and Mike got up to clear the table after everyone had eaten. My sister made another one of her stupid jokes about how he "can’t even sit still long enough to enjoy dinner.” Everyone kind of chuckled, but I just…snapped.
I told her, in front of everyone, that she didn’t deserve Mike. I said she treats him like garbage while he does literally everything for her and their son. I said she should be ashamed of herself for how little she contributes and for constantly making fun of the man who works so hard to keep their family together. The room went dead silent.
My sister’s face went bright red, and she started screaming at me, calling me jealous and bitter, and saying I have no idea what I’m talking about because I’m not married. She stormed out, and my mom immediately started yelling at me for “airing dirty laundry” in front of the whole family. Afterwards, my younger brother quietly told me he agreed with what I said, but that I shouldn’t have done it so publicly.
Now, my sister isn’t speaking to me, and my mom thinks I owe her an apology. But I just can’t shake the feeling that someone needed to stand up for Mike. I know I might’ve been harsh, and maybe I should’ve handled it differently, but I just couldn’t sit there and watch her humiliate him again. So, AITAH?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
jemsmedic wrote:
NTA. Somebody needs to stand up for him. He also needs to be documenting everything he does for future divorce proceedings. Your nephew should be with his dad and not his mom. My apology would be "I'm sorry for publicly pointing out how little you contribute to your household and embarrassing you. Be mad at me all you want but you know I'm right. Do better."
OP responded:
Thank you, if it comes to divorce I'm sure Mike will get custody of my his son as nearly every one on my family stands behind Mike.
PerfectCover1414 wrote:
Mike sounds scared of confrontation, he should be telling his wife this not you. He's probably glad someone stuck up for him but maybe feels a bit more emasculated now. Sounds like he's scared of losing his kid.
OP responded:
He loves the kid to death and is definitely scared of loosing him that's the big reason he don't step up to her.
LighthouseonSaturn wrote:
ESH. You absolutely could have brought this up to her Privately at any time. You could have talked to your mom and brother and asked their advice and help on talking to her.
There are LOTS of things you could have done instead of making a scene.
The fact of the matter is, this is the internet. We are only hearing one side of the story where you have made your sister sound like a TV Villain. Somehow I doubt that she truly sits on her phone all day with a young child and does nothing. This story is so heavily written in such a was as to make you sister look bad and you seem like this hero, I can't help but wonder what's really going on.
Candid_Process1831 wrote:
NTA at all! She is clearly taking advantage of him. You stood up for what is right congrats to you!
OP responded:
Thank you so much I just had to say something I could not watch it anymore. The rest of the family they also know the truth about it they are just afraid to speak up 😢. No one is allowed to treat people that way even if she is my Sister.
Dracolindus wrote:
Just a serious query: Are you in love with Mike? Seems like the most likely reason you would defend him so vehemently, especially when you're just assuming all this stuff. It isn't like Mike has confessed his unhappiness to you; you're just inferring all this from your observations.
Which we all know many times appearances belie reality. I just have a feeling there's more to this than what's being said, if one reads between the lines.
Rosalienino wrote:
This woman does not love her sister. If my sister was acting like this, I'd take her aside in private and yell at her, tell her to fix her behavior. But this woman seems to be in a hurry to see her sister screw up the marriage and get her divorced. Plus she speaks as though she lives with her sister and KNOWS she does nothing at home all day. I'd be going crazy home alone with a 3-year-old.