'AITA for thinking my BF crossed a line by reporting a client who sent me a flirty text?' UPDATED

"Am I wrong for thinking my bf crossed a line here?"

My bf(26) and I (F24) were working on a freelance project, where I ended up becoming friends with one of the client’s colleagues. After the project ended, he asked for my number just to stay in touch if he ever came back to the city. Though my bf thought it was weird that I gave him my number, I didn’t get any romantic/creepy vibes from him, it was very friendly/professional + he is married

A few weeks later he texted me something work related, we spoke on and off for about 2 days before his texts started getting flirty 🙃. I immediately stopped responding & he stopped texting too after he got the hint. I casually mentioned it to my bf like ‘hey look you were right’. He got v furious that I gave him my number in the first place and asked me to block him.

2 Days later, the client calls me asking to get on a call with their global team and HR because a formal complaint had been lodged against this guy. Turns out my boyfriend took screenshots of my phone (without my knowledge) and lodged a complaint to the client! I could not believe how much this had blown out of proportion.

When I confronted him about this, he said that he knew I wouldn’t take any action, and thought taking matters into his hands is the only way. He also said I was too naive to give my number in the first place.

Idk what to be more upset with- thinking this guy could lose his job for sending me 2 flirty messages AFTER our professional relationship was over or knowing that my bf could do such a thing without asking me if I was comfortable. I would’ve escalated it myself had he continued messaging me or had he been pushy.

He stopped texting when I stopped responding, and I don’t think it was a big deal here (except for maybe his wife). But this move by my bf has made me very uncomfortable and feels patronising, even though he claims it came from a place of worry.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Head_Photograph9572 said:

NTA. At a bare MINIMUM, your BF should have consulted with you before lodging the complaint. But he didn't do that on purpose. Red communication flag!

Anonymously_Me23 said:

Your boyfriend definitely overreacted and overreached by reporting. I would be pretty upset with him that he didn’t let you handle it. After hearing the story though I don’t feel bad for the scumbag that’s getting in trouble with his work and most likely his wife. He sounds like he deserves it.

NumbersMonkey1 said:

This guy is super sketchy. He wasn't interested in making a social or professional contact. He wanted to see if she'd be interested in hooking up. And that's so far away from kosher it's not even funny. He's client side and determines whether they get paid or not for their work. He determines if and when they get rehired.

This is a HR investigation because it's behavior, but it's really a professional ethics and compliance issue. OP, they want to see whether he extorted sex, or even the possibility of sex, from you as part of your business relationship. They want to see whether his judgement was compromised on accepting substandard work because he was sleeping with, or trying to sleep with, a vendor.

That's what they're looking for. It's not a basic HR conduct rule. It's not a don't date your coworkers rule. Those are good, too, but this isn't what this is.

Your boyfriend is out of line, but much less out of line than most commenters think. He might have done it because he was jealous and immature, but it's also something that absolutely cannot be tolerated. What do you think would happen to your reputations if it was?

kevin_ramage89 said:

Why does everyone here act like LinkedIn doesn't exist?? Most "professionals" don't just go around giving out their personal numbers to clients friends. I think everyone is pretty dumb in this one.

HundrEX said:

You’re mad that the guy could lose his job or that your bf reported it (which I’d say is fair). You’re not mad at the guy for flirting with you when they knew you were in a relationship and THEY ARE MARRIED and also disrespecting your BF, which he warned you about before hand as well. Makes sense. *rolls eyes*

UPDATE:

1.) Lot of comments here saying I shouldn’t have given my number in the first place: I agree, it was a mistake on my part. No I wasn’t enjoying the attention, he wasn’t some random guy I met at a bar, he was a colleague who I had been working with for almost 2 months.

It’s pretty common to stay in touch with people you’ve worked with, I’ve exchanged numbers with female colleagues before as well. Nevertheless, I couldn’t see through his intentions which is on me.

2.) For the complaint: I am not retracting the complaint. I believe that would damage my reputation even more. Some comments also rightly mentioned that I might not be the first woman he has tried this with, so it’s probably for the best that an investigation is being carried out.

I will however, explain my POV to the HR & explain that it wasn’t very serious in my case, but an initiation was made, and they can take it from there. I feel that’s the best I can do as of now, and just hope that the effects this has on my career are manageable.

3.) As for the bf: I’m too busy handling this mess to even process his actions. This was a very unexpected behaviour on his part, and he still doesn’t seem to understand why it was wrong.