'AITA for wanting a co-ed baby shower?' 'I'm not trying to sound ungrateful.'

"AITA for wanting a co-ed baby shower?"

I (32F) and my husband (35M) are expecting our first baby this September.. and let me start out by saying that I do not like showers. Or just parties in general that are focused on me. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful at all...but I’m really introverted and being forced to sit and open presents while everyone stares at me is my own personal nightmare.

I have tried to make a suggestion of doing a cute display table (I tried to suggest this for my bridal shower too) and was immediately shut down by my mother, my MIL, pretty much all of the boomer women were insistent that I MUST open presents at the shower.

Because of this, I told my husband I thought it would be a good compromise if we just had a party at our house, co-ed with all friends and family...then he can open presents with me to take away some of the attention and everyone we love can be there, not just the women. At first he was completely on board and thought it was a great idea.

Fast forward a few months to now, and my MIL offered to host the shower at her house so we didn’t have to worry about hosting, cleaning, etc. Great. Except she said it would be only girls because she doesn’t want to host that many people.

All of the sudden she’s pushing me to only invite women, that no men want to go to a baby shower because they just want to drink (which I don’t see an issue with), and it’s just better. I told my husband to tell his mom no. That we appreciate it but we’ll go back to the original plan.

Except now he doesn’t want to host it at our house, and is pushing that if it can be done elsewhere to just deal with only women and sitting through my own personal heck while pregnant and easily overstimulated. I said I’d rather not have a shower at all if this was my only option. So AITA for making this such a big deal?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Argylesox95 said:

NTA. I'm a new dad, I went to the two our parents hosted. I opened every other gift. The notion that guys cant be at a baby shower is weird when its the guy's baby too. (granted, they are not geared towards guys and they both were clearly for my wife (like 20:1 girls/guys), but to exclude men is an outdated idea).

I would say unless you need the gifts, either tell mom to stick to what you guys want, or you don't go. Your MIL will back off if the baby/momma wont be there or just cancel. your family/friends then can just order off of your registry and deliver it to you.

EmceeSuzy said:

NTA. Co-ed showers are much nicer and far more appropriate than antiquated all-female events. I think you need to have a very serious conversation with your husband. You are about to be parents. He needs to stop being his mother's little boy and start taking care of his wife and child.

Go back to your plan of hosting at your house and be sure that you have ever possible paid helper from a cleaner to a caterer to an event butler. You need to tell him that this is what you want and that as a person preparing to give birth, your needs come first.

Wild_Ticket1413 said:

NTA. You're not required to have a baby shower at all. And if you do, you are the guest of honor, so you should be able to determine the guest list. If you want co-ed, have co-ed. Likewise, if you don't want to open gifts in public, just set up a table and open gifts after everyone leaves.

Your mother and MIL need to step back and realize this is about you, not them. If they don't want to bend, you're more than justified in telling them "thanks, but no thanks. I'll just skip having a baby shower completely."

SlappySlapsticker said:

If your MIL is desperate to have a baby shower where she dictates all the rules she can have a baby herself. NTA.

swilliamspost said:

NTA - you know what works for you and what you want. This is an opportunity to set boundaries with your MIL before the baby arrives. One suggestion that I’ve seen people do to avoid the whole watch the mom open gifts thing is to have the crib assembled and have guests bring the gifts unwrapped and display them in the crib.

That way the guests can ohh and ahh about how cute and little everything is and save you from the big presentation. Good luck!

bestgmomever said:

NTA, every baby shower I've been to for the past several decades has had men invited also, it's outdated to think it's solely for the "womenfolk." Stand your ground, it's not cool to try to force you into doing in a way that makes you uncomfortable.