'AITA for giving my nephew pizza bagels even though my sister is very against junk food?'
"AITA for giving my nephew pizza bagels?"
My husband (M40s) and I (M40s) are hosting my sister (F40s) as well as her husband/my BIL and their two kids A (toddler) and B (M12). Since they don’t have a lot of time alone and also can’t afford to take many vacations my husband and I put them up in a hotel for 2 days/1 night they’re here so that they can have some alone time without the kids.
My husband and I don’t have any kids but we’re perfectly capable of taking care of the kids for a couple days solo. The toddler was pretty easy. Maybe she’s not a toddler yet and she’s still an infant, I’m not sure of the specific distinction but she ate baby food and bottles and some puffed cereal stuff provided by my sis.
The problem came with feeding my nephew B. For dinner we made a tossed salad together. Everyone helped out with chopping vegetables, it was great. Then we made pizza bagels for the main. We had a great low-key dinner with our salads and bagel bites and we “camped out” in the TV room watching a movie until B fell asleep. In my mind I thought it was a great evening.
Well my sister and BIL come back home from the hotel and we’re chatting in the kitchen when she notices the pizza bagel box sitting in the recycling. She said “you eat pizza bagels?” And I said “well not usually but we made them last night with B.”
WELL she FLIPPED out on me for feeding B such a “garbage snack.” That’s when I said whoa we made a nice chopped salad to go along with it, and then she flipped out MORE for the fact that this was not merely a snack but our dinner. I told her people have pizza and salad for dinner all the time what’s wrong with this? It was fun and easy.
She told me that now I’m going to have B obsessed with junk food and that “if I had known this was going to happen I never would have trusted you with taking care of them, you’re not a parent and it shows” which honestly just felt like a low blow. My BIL apologized to me in private but my sister is still acting cold.
The commenters had plenty of thoughts.
applebum8807 wrote:
NTA.
Yikes. People like your sister are how people grow up to have eating disorders.
OP responded:
She did have an eating disorder growing up. She still struggles with it. I’m only admitting this because I know for a fact that her and her husband don’t use these threads. But yeah growing up she was always heavy and I know how bad she struggled with that and still does to this day.
Astroblemes wrote:
NTA - if she had any dietary preferences for the 12 year old she could have let you know. You did also make a salad and looked after them for the night. She got a child free getaway for the evening and it sounds like you had a great time with B.
OP responded:
Well in fairness to my sister, I know her and her husband try and eat very healthy and 99 per cent of the time that’s how my husband and I are too. So I did kind of know that this would be a “treat” food and I can see how maybe she was blindsided but I still don’t think it’s that bad.
Ok-Light-8489 wrote:
NTA. I saw she had (has?) and eating disorder. Her reaction makes me think that she might need some maintenance therapy. It’s ok to control what you eat. It’s not ok to monitor what your kid eats. It’s not ok to tell your spouse they can’t put dressing on their salad or eat their popcorn before the movie starts. She’s on the path of passing down the eating disorder to the kids.
OP responded:
Yeah she tells me she has “everything under control” with her ED but she has put on a significant amount of weight after her second pregnancy (totally understandable. Pushing a kid out of your body in your 40s is a feat!) but I have noticed her getting kind of obsessive again. Her doctor officially called her “obese” and ever since then she’s been a little frantic again.
Thatstealthygal wrote:
You MADE the pizza bagels, you didn't order them in. They were presumably made from at least SOME food ingredients. And a salad with them! This sounds like a delicious dinner that I would have loved as a kid. A cafe that used to be in my town made vegetarian pizza bagels with tomato paste, beans and cheese on them. I want one now. I'm gonna MAKE SOME for my lunch! NTA honestly.
OP responded:
Well I mean we heated them. Just those frozen ones you put in the oven. But that was just one meal. Everything else we’ve cooked or are planning to cook while they’re here has been fresh and balanced like what we normally eat. I mean lunch was kale and quinoa salads with grilled salmon for crying out loud, a pizza bagel won’t k*ll the kid.
LavinaWhately wrote:
You were being the fun aunt and having a sleepover party. Now you will be the mean aunt who never babysits out of fear of being yelled at over something silly.
NTA.
OP responded:
Uncles 👬 but yes that’s it. No good deed goes unpunished I guess.
accio_depressioso wrote:
NTA. You probably made that kid's night and let him experience a food he actually enjoys.
OP responded:
Oh you better believe B was in hog heaven! And the funny thing is he had more fun making the salad than he did eating the pizza bagels.
angrytwig wrote:
It's okay to have fun food with fun people during fun times. NTA.
OP responded:
“Fun food with fun people during fun times” I like that a lot. I’m going to try and delicately explain to my sister that this was our intention and we didn’t mean any harm.
Asleep-Classic-966 wrote:
NTA. As a fun uncle to 7 nephews and 2 nieces, my siblings absolutely know the first thing we do is make a store trip together where I let them pick out one or two indulgences along with a fun dinner (frito pie is my go-to). It’s part of the experience. That your sister did this after you gifted them an overnight without kids is ridiculous.