'AITA if I stop a tradition among my friend group? The whole thing hurts my feelings.'

"WIBTA if I stopped a tradition among my friend group?"

Hi, I (23F) am in a friend group with three other girls (all 23F). I've been single for two years, and the rest are all in committed relationships, the shortest being eight months and the longest being almost two years. Ever since they all started dating, our hangouts have turned to triple dates, with me as an extra, and we never hang out as just the four of us anymore.

I'm not too put off by this, as their boyfriends are all super nice and I enjoy being friends with them. Somewhere along the way, one of my friends, 'Maya', started a tradition of taking a 'seventh wheel photo', where I stand alone staring at the camera and the three couples doing couple-y things (e.g. holding hands, hugging, etc.) around me.

We all found it funny at first, and we always get a lot of likes and comments whenever we share these photos online. It did get a bit tedious for me after a couple months of doing this at every hangout, but my friends got upset when I suggested stopping it or at least doing it less. So, the tradition continues.

Fast forward to this month, when they texted in our groupchat about having Valentine's Day dinner together. I didn't respond for a while, because 1. I was at work, and 2. I figured it was a romantic thing so I wouldn't be invited. However, they started getting frustrated at me not replying and 'Maya' called me to ask if I could make it.

I asked if they really wanted me seventh-wheeling them on Valentine's Day, to which she replied "Of course, we have to continue our tradition! How can we take the photo without our main character there?" I got annoyed at this and told her that I needed to work that day and can't make it.

So, on Valentine's Day, they went on a triple date and I stayed home to watch movies with my roommate. However, I've been thinking about how uncomfortable taking those photos have been making me, but wonder if it's something worth voicing out and potentially having an argument about, as my friends seem really excited about taking it each time. WIBTA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

gigirubun wrote:

Sorry to say this, but that seventh wheel thing feels really cruel/weird. Like, sure, maybe if is humorous, but I know I wouldn't find it funny. NTA.

East_Possibility885 wrote:

Sage advice here from a late 40s who's had close friends since I was a teen/college kid.

Always let your friends know when things like this make you feel uncomfortable - in this case it was fun at the beginning, but things changed so let them know.

Also friendship is so rare, especially long term ones -- cherish your friendships your friends will be single, married, divorced, suffer losses etc. over time. Being single on a day celebrating couples sucks lol it's fair to say and feel that way. Cheers.

Significant_Flan8057 wrote:

This does not feel like a good natured joke, it feels like they are being judgmental assholes. I really hate it when people act like being in a relationship makes them superior to everyone else. It’s the most ridiculous attitude ever.

Any one of them could be single tomorrow, and then how are they going to feel about joining the other side of the joke? I’m sorry that these people are being such jerks. Time to find some new friends to hang out with for sure.

No_Use_9124 wrote:

NTA Are you being serious right now? You allowed them to smugly humiliate you for several years? At first, it was funny, but then, you should have said, "You know, at first this was funny but now it's hurtful. I don't want to do that anymore." If they disagreed, then you need to get new friends.

At this point, they have been really thoughtless of your feelings, since you expressed this "tradition" was a problem for you. Try sitting then down one more time and explaining that it become more ab-sive to you than funny, and you'd like them to respect your feelings and you as a person and not do that anymore.

Also, judging people based on their relationships is genuinely not a good idea. Single people shouldn't feel ashamed of being single, nor should it be made into a joke at their expense. People with partners can always end up without partners too so they should consider that.

owls_and_cardinals wrote:

NTA AT ALL. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are genuine in their desire to include you and want you to be involved even if there rest of the group is coupled up, but insisting you continue to participate in something like the 7th wheel photo is not respectful to you.

As you noted, it was funny the first time but it absolutely does put a certain spotlight on you and it's ok to not like that spotlight or the implied, long-term joke at your expense.

I am a bit surprised at their (Maya's??) fixation on it, it's gotta be getting old and tired for all of them at this point, no? I think you're in a tough position to navigate this because you obviously value their friendship and inclusion in the group, but you're certainly reasonable to not want the '7th wheel' label or the tradition of the photo any longer.

MAYBE they will have gotten the hint in your decision to sit out V-Day. I suspect they won't though because they already should have given this up and NEVER should have gotten mad at you for wanting to discontinue it. I hope you can be heard and it won't become a 'thing' in the group but they've made it a thing by forcing you to confront it or start avoiding them.

lilawkward-lilfunny wrote:

NTA. Tell them how you feel, your feelings are valid. If I were single, I wouldn’t want to take those photos either. It’s making a joke of them having SO’s and you not, kinda cruel imo if you actually do want a SO. So, let them know, but probably best to bring it up when it’s just the four of you and not with the guys and definitely not right before a photo. Just because that’s when it’ll probably get argumentative.

If you bring it up on a call with them or when you’re having a girls day and it’s relaxed, it shouldn’t be a big deal for them if you explain how it makes you feel. If it still does, consider whose feelings are more important to them. Good luck and remember, your feelings matter!