'AITA if my boyfriend made a meal and asked me how it was and I said 'fine?'

"AITA if my boyfriend made a meal and asked me how it was and I said 'fine?'"

So my boyfriend made chicken breast with some white rice, a salad with garlic and we had some pickles and beetroot on the side (from jars) and we sit down and he says: how is it? And I said fine, there's nothing special, everything tastes as it should.

And he got upset and said he added extra garlic in the lettuce and soy sauce on the breast (we both said we couldn't taste that) and I said I am not used to making comments about food like he is in his family. When we eat with his mother everyone has to say something along the lines of "how delicious...this is so tasty...yumm"...at every meal.

And in my family we probably find that behaviour a bit fake. We just sit down and talk about other things and if there was something new in the food then that would be a normal question to ask how it was. So he got really upset because I should've just said, it's great or it's good instead of a normal and not very enthusiastic. "It's fine, everything tastes as it should."

And he proceeded to pick his plate up and left to eat in the office. I don't feel like partaking in a family tradition I don't feel is natural...I feel like I am forced to say something I don't care about it or don't believe in. It's chicken breast and white rice... I mean.

AITA for not making a bigger deal out of a simple meal? Is he overreacting or should I just be fake and oblige and say "it's really tasty... " every single f-ing meal...

The internet had a lot to say in response to OP.

WindyMint443 wrote:

sigh I am reluctantly giving YTA, though it's a mild one because I really feel more on your side here. I would strongly suggest you say "good" instead of "fine". You can try to avoid excessive elaboration, but yeah this came across as a negative statement. "Fine" is often used as a dodging word when something is wrong.

If you are appreciating the meal enough to happily eat it, say it's good. Someone else went to the effort of cooking, you didn't have to, make a gesture of appreciation. That said, here's where I feel like I relate. My former partner loved to cook, to fiddle with flavors, etc. It was important to him.

Me, I don't like to cook, I don't find enjoyment out of talking about food nuances, I hardly ever notice them. I found it a strain to discuss a meal. I didn't have anything to contribute and it felt stupid to gush about it. But I still didn't even say "fine" and I think that's sinking too low. He cooked for me, he was getting a thanks and a compliment unless it was actively problematic.

(One issue we did have was our wildly different sense of spice, so he wouldn't see something as "spicy" that was burning my mouth and sending me into tears, which made it difficult for him to judge how much he was putting in. The korma he made because it's my favorite dish at Indian restaurants will live on in infamy--as a joke that he brings up, not because there were hard feelings.)

You might want to talk about your differences approaching food. If he's asking for specific feedback, that can be hard to do and you might want to put it out there that you struggle with that and it's not something that comes naturally to you. But still show appreciation for the fact that he made a meal.

yoyomaapa wrote:

YTA.

You: Honey, how do I look?

Him: Fine.

That's what you did and you know it.

FlyingSpaghettiFell wrote:

Okay...lets break this down differently. I will be making some assumptions because there isn’t a ton of context.

Boyfriend goes out of his way and makes a nice dinner.

Acts excited about doing something nice.

GF acts like not only is it not special but that it isn’t very good.

BF feels embarrassed and deflated—> acts hurt.

GF thinks it is dumb to treat people nicely when they do something nice

Either this isn’t a match that you understand each other, at all, or you need to be nicer, or both. YTA.

ATLBrysco wrote:

Well OP, based off of what you shared, I would say YTA. You don't (for instance) share your boyfriends cooking skill level; perhaps doing something like chicken with salad may have been an "intermediate" dish for him. I could see your "enthusiasm" (or lack thereof) for it if he was a chef, but that is neither here nor there.

It comes down to the fact that it doesn't cost you anything to engage in a bit of nicety with someone else. You certainly don't have to lie or make a big deal out of it, but you could at least affirm that you appreciate his efforts.

"[Insert name here], the food tastes good! The chicken is cooked well, and the rice isn't overdone. It's nice to have a simple, filling meal every once in a while and the salad with garlic and other veggie sides really bring a fresh, crisp taste to it."

That's it. Good luck.

throwaway457875 wrote:

FYI, just because your family do things one way doesn't mean it's the right way or the only way, and it doesn't mean that it's OK to carry on doing it. I'm not sure why you're turning this into almost a point of principle; it would cost you literally nothing and it would make him happy.

Do you think he never does small things that he doesn't necessarily care about just because he knows it will make you happy? In a relationship it's often small things like that which matter the most, regular kind gestures of appreciation go a long way. So N T A for not instinctively doing it, but now you know he would like it, YTA for being arsy about it.