'AITA for keeping my children home because my ex's new BF talks bad about me?'
"AITA for keeping my children home bc my ex's new BF talks bad about me?"
I 34f was married to my ex for 8 years, before him coming out as bisexual. We divorced 3 years ago. We have two children together ages 5 and 9. My ex started seeing this guy maybe a year ago, and they just recently met the kids. Apparently this guy makes remarks about me all the time. He has so far told my children that I kept their daddy from being his true self, and how my ex husband never loved me.
My ex-husband and I got into an argument over the phone while our children were at his house and his boyfriend was there, and he said in front of my children that I’m just a bitter baby mama; and said to them “mama isn’t that friendly, is she?” He has made more comments then this and says only bad things about me to or in front of the children.
I confronted them both of these things in which they said I was blowing stuff out of proportion and it wasn’t that big of a deal, then I said fine I didn’t want my children around his boyfriend if he was gonna talk about me like that.
This caused a big argument, and he ignored my wishes anyways.
Tonight I kept my children home when I asked if his boyfriend was there and he said yeah, and that he is going to be apart of our children’s lives.
I said well then I’m keeping the children tonight or any nights that he planned to his have his bf there and I even threatened to put a petition for it in court. He called me a homophobic ah and said I couldn’t control who he dates and that I was being a petty b*#ch. I don’t think I am because a grown man should not be talking to children that way about their mother.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Sassypants2306 wrote:
Here's the thing. Do you ever badmouth them?? Or do you still try to be positive about them in front of your children. If you never badmouth them but they do to you. I'd simply say to your children.
"I love your dad because he helped create you both, and I love you both so much. I try and be as respectful as I can, but I am upset since ypur dad and his BF say mean and untrue things about me. They should not be saying these things, especially in front of you. But yes may be time for the courts. NTA.
OP responded:
I don’t badmouth my ex husband, we had a very good marriage and only divorced because of his s#$uality discovery.
thechaoticstorm wrote:
NTA. Your ex's BF is a gaping one. He'd be an AH for making such comments to you, but goes into massive AH territory by saying it in front of your children.
Your ex needs to rein him in, but by his blowing you off, I don't think he will.
skiveman wrote:
NTA. He called you a homophobic AH because you do not want your children around a man that bad mouths you in front of your children? Honestly I don't care which way your partner swings but that is not it. It simply isn't. The sad part is that he's probably too drunk to think straight.
As a parent (be that a mother or in this case, a father) you have responsibilities. You have children and they should be your priority. My advice is to go to court and have any access tightened up with your ex-husbands partner not allowed around your children if you can - no idea how this works where you are but it might be an option.
Also make sure you have any alimony and child maintenance still being paid. If not it might be something you want to take back to court as it will help you in getting primary or sole legal custody over your children. Good luck.
Senior_Parking6305 wrote:
NTA. But hear me out. I work in family law. The court does not look favorable on violating its orders. If you have a current order in place for parenting time, only a court can decide to restrict his time. They won’t like that you unilaterally decided to not uphold the order.
I will also tell you that you are not likely to win this in court as the court will be held to a standard of “eminent harm” to restrict his parenting time based on his bf. That means you have to prove that the kids will suffer physical harm.
Some states include emotional harm, but either way, it’s tough to prove in so many ways as much of the evidence is not admissible. My advice: stop communicating via phone, switch to written communications or a co parenting app (there are good free options)
Arguing with him while your kids are with him or you and present in either location is bad for the kids. It sucks, but be the bigger person. His relationship will end when his kids start turning away from him based on his bf’s behavior, or it won’t and as hard as that is, for them and you, you cannot protect your kids from their fathers choices in life: all you can do is be their calm steady foundation.
PedXing23 wrote:
NTA. Your ex shouldn't be letting his bf talk you down to your kids. A few years into the split with my first wife, I broke up with my gf for calling my ex a B---- in front of my kids. I actually, mistakenly, gave her one chance to make it right.
She did it again - we were on vacation, I moved out of the place we were staying, took my kids and checked into a hotel. It's not that my gf had no reason to be mad at my ex, it's that the kids came first. Your ex should be the one shutting down the boy friend's crap.