'AITA for kicking my MIL out after she drove 16 hours to come see me and the new baby?'
"AITA for kicking my MIL out after she drove 16 hours to come see me and the new baby?"
I had a baby 3 weeks ago and we just started allowing certain people to visit. My mom and sister (and her newborn) visited 4 days ago for the first time and my MIL was due to arrive the next day; to stay with us for a week.
My MIL lives 16 hours driving distance from us (in Canada so she had to get a passport). She called us the day she was supposed to arrive and said she had to stop off and sleep and that she wouldn't make it on the original ETA. No big deal. She shows up the next day at 10am.
Now, the issue is that she brought her two granddaughters with her (my husband's nieces - both 12). Not only was this never discussed (she didn't even hint toward it) but one of the nieces in question is someone we no longer allow around our other children due to severe bullying and my MIL is fully aware of it.
In fact, we are complete no contact with this girl's mother as well because she defended her daughter after she punched our 5yo son in the face last year at a family BBQ because he wouldn't give her the squirt gun (that was hers but that's beside the point). So we have no contact with this girl or her mom and again, MIL knows this. The other niece is fine. I actually really like the girl.
But to further exceed a@ole limits...I allowed the other niece to come inside and meet the baby and I made MIL and the bully niece stay outside while she did so. My husband was 100% on my side.
He was actually livid and considered allowing the nice niece stay for a week and just put her on a plane back home but ultimately her momma didn't feel comfortable with unattended travel (I don't blame her) so she ended up going back home when we told MIL to leave. We did not let MIL or the bully niece see the baby.
We are being called every name in the book by several family members. The SIL that we are no contact with is soiling our name by saying we have wasted MIL's time and are wrongly punishing her child (says we need to "get over it").
My BIL says we are ignorant because MIL purchased hers and her 2 granddaughters passports, so wasted money and wasted time. The other SIL (nice nieces momma) is on our side- as MIL lied to her and said she told us the girls were coming when she didn't.
AITA for letting the nice niece meet our baby but making MIL and the bully niece stay in the car and then kicking them off our property after she drove 16 hours?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
SpringfieldMO_Daddy said:
NTA - Out of curiosity, did MIL explain why she thought it was ok to trample your boundaries?
Cryptographer_Alone said:
NTA. Leaving aside the previous family drama, WTF shows up to stay for any length of time with uninvited guests in tow? Then add in that they're children who need supervision.
Then add in that the hosts have a 3 week old!!!! MIL hit AH territory well before she got to the part where she brought a child who punched your much younger child in the face. To meet your newborn and stay with the cousin she's already been violent with.
Laquila said:
NTA. MIL knew all about you being no contact with the little brute yet she sneakily tried to kick down your boundary. This was deliberate disrespect and very manipulative. She reckoned that given she had driven all that way, that you'd be forced to allow them all into your home.
Nope. Besides, how dare she bring two extra people without running that by you first?! She f'd around and she found out. Good on you for protecting your son and standing up to that cow. Ignore the jabbering from the flying monkeys. You did the right thing.
Arbol252 said:
NTA This is just another modern day example of how setting boundaries threatens the toxic family dynamic.
Saysaywhat91 said:
I am SO glad you and your husband stuck to your guns. She tried to boundary stomp and FAILED. Beautiful. Chef's kiss.
MNConcerto said:
NTA, just on bringing 2 extra guests alone much less one who has physically assaulted one of your children. For a a week stay! Not a quick visit a ONE WEEK STAY at a home with a mother who just had a baby.
The nerve to bring 2 extra guests and expect you to accommodate and host is just so effing entitled. Good on you for keeping your boundaries.