'AITA for kicking out my husband, and saying that his mother needs to find somewhere else to stay?'

"AITAH for kicking out my husband, and saying that his mother needs to find somewhere else to stay?"

Two months ago, I found out my husband had been cheating on me since we got married, which was almost a year ago. I have suspicions that it probably went back much farther than that, but I don't know how long it's been going on in total, and I personally don't want to know more details than I have to.

Ever since I found out, I have been dead set on pursuing divorce, and I keep communication with him at a minimum. We don't have kids. Kicking my husband out of the house was a given.

It was relatively easy to do because the house is in my name; I inherited from my mother. The dilemma involves his mother, my MIL. She lives in our guest room, and my husband has taken the role of her caretaker since he only works part time. She's not in a facility because she doesn't need constant supervision. She just needs help with bathing and being taken to her physical therapy sessions.

Before anyone asks, yes, I did my part in caring for her too. He was her main caretaker because I worked full time and he didn't. I cooked, cleaned, and did her laundry. I also drove her to her appointments when my husband couldn't. Only thing I wasn't comfortable with was the bathing. Despite not wanting my husband to be in the home, I let her stay.

I did let him know that once the divorce was finalized, she would have to find somewhere else to live, whether that be with him, his siblings, or with other family. I felt bad about it, but I decided that I needed a clean break from him, and by extension, his family, once we were done. I was not willing to permanently house my MIL in my home if it meant that I had to continue interacting with him.

I suggested that he planned arrangements ahead of time, so that they weren't scrambling to find housing. He seemed to be fine with that. At first, I was okay with my husband only returning home to take care of his mother, as long as he didn't interact with me. I would usually be out of the home during the time he'd come over, anyways.

He broke that rule once he started begging and pleading me for reconciliation. I absolutely refused. He then asked if he could at least live in my house until the divorce was finalized, which I also refused. At that point, I was scared that he would try to forcefully move back in, so I had the locks changed and didn't give him a new key.

I made sure that I was there to receive him at the door whenever he came to care for his mother. I later found out he was desperate for housing because none of his friends had the space for him. They all lived in apartments with multiple roommates. His siblings were not willing to house him or help him find housing after they found out he cheated on me.

The reason I'm asking if I'm TAH is because I now want to expedite moving my MIL out. She told me that she discovered that my husband was cheating on me over a year ago, which was also when we were still engaged. We were living in my house back then, and my idiot of a husband, then-fiance, was caught because he brought one of his side pieces TO OUR HOME.

He thought my MIL was fast asleep, but she wasn't. She later confronted him and threatened him to come clean to me, or she would. My husband reassured her that he would tell me, but obviously he never did. My MIL kept quiet about it all this time because she believed I forgave him.

She thought that since the wedding went as planned and without delay, that I didn't have any lingering issues from his infidelity. My MIL was also under the impression that he stopped his affairs, but that was only because my husband got "smarter" and never brought anyone to the home again. After hearing all that, I no longer felt comfortable having her in my house.

I wanted her to move out asap. She apologized, but I just didn't want to hear it. Of course I'm angriest with my husband for what he did, but I also feel betrayed by her. At any point, she could have let me know about what he did. Maybe she could have even asked me during the wedding preparations if I was really okay with "forgiving his cheating."

Then at least I would've found out before we got married. She just assumed that I knew and was totally fine with it. I know there are people who forgive their spouses for cheating, but I don't think that they act completely normal and happy, which is how I was.

That's because I was in the dark about everything. I also feel like she should have been suspicious that we didn't cancel or postpone our wedding date, given that she discovered the cheating only a few months before it. I feel like most people would want to at least postpone the wedding to attend counseling, even if they forgave their spouse for cheating.

I feel bad for her situation because she's an elderly woman, but as far as we know, she doesn't have any cognitive or mental health issues. Maybe you could say that my husband manipulated her, but I feel like there's no reason to be that trusting and oblivious. My MIL is not a stupid woman. I keep coming back to the idea that she just decided to side with her son instead of doing the right thing.

The pessimistic side of me believes that my MIL kept quiet because she wanted to remain living in my house. She knew that if I found out he was cheating, this exact situation would happen. I would let her stay for a while, but she'd have to move out after the divorce was finalized. That's the only reasoning that makes sense to me, and if I'm right, it's made me question if my MIL ever liked me.

I used to believe that the reason why my MIL stayed with us, and not my husband's siblings, was because they lived hundreds of miles away, and maybe that's still true. But this has made me wonder if they're keeping their distance on purpose. I probably should have expected this, but in all that time, my husband didn't do anything to find future housing for his mother.

I had to be the one to figure out where my MIL was going to stay. I ended up coordinating with his siblings, and both of them were going to take a trip down to our state to help her move. My MIL was going to be living with my husband's sister, but only temporarily. They had plans to have my MIL permanently stay with her extended family.

Ever since I made that call, I've received a lot of backlash from my husband, some of his friends, and her extended family. Some of them even made posts on Facebook criticizing me for "throwing out an elderly woman to the streets," and now a lot of people I don't know are sending me nasty messages. Someone even tried to call into my work and get me fired.

I suspect either my husband or my MIL gave this person my work contact information since I don't have any social media presence that displays where I work. No one ever mentioned my husband's infidelity and my MIL's willful silence about it, so I don't know if they even have the full context. Only my husband's siblings seem to side with me.

The internet had plenty of thoughts about the situation.

Dazzling_Note6245 wrote:

NTA. They were both using you and you don’t deserve that! Your ex mil is not your responsibility and it sounds like you cared for her much more than her own family! They are bitter because they don’t really want to step up and take care of her.

NYCStoryteller wrote:

Just share the link to this post on all of those FB posts and make it a public post on your page. Tell them that your husband is a lying cheater and MIL was complicit, and she's not "out on the streets" she's going to her extended family, where she belongs.

epihanomaly wrote:

Record every piece of har-ssment. Log when it happened, where it happened, any witnesses, their contact info. Your divorce attorney may find it useful.

FrannyFray wrote:

You already have the ball rolling with getting her out. Stick to the plan and ignore the haters. If you need to block people and deactivate your social media, then so be it.

I am sorry these people were s--t to you. 🫂

Sparklingwine23 wrote:

NTA, your husband made his choices and didn't give a fuck about his mother so why should you? His other family can take int he elderly woman if they don't want to take him in too. This is not your problem and you need both out of your life and house.