'AITA for laughing because my female cousin is hanging with boys who are like my uncle?'

"AITA for laughing and saying 'What goes around comes around' because my uncle’s daughter is hanging out with boys who were exactly like him?"

Following my (16) uncle Tommy’s own definition of “wh0res,” Tommy was the biggest wh0re back in the day. He’d be messing around with multiple girls at once, chasing them wherever he’d go like a dog or something. My mum and aunts would constantly tell Tommy it was wrong, but he wouldn’t care and my granny thought it was all cute and encouraged him.

Well, fast forward to now, and Tommy is furious because my cousin Mariah (14) is talking to boys who are literally exactly like he was. Tommy’s arguing with my cousin’s mum Sophia because Mariah is hanging out with/texting these boys instead of doing her schoolwork.

Tommy even got Granny involved and they’re both blaming Sophia for who Mariah’s talking to. Granny was over at ours the other day and was talking about how worried she and Tommy are about Mariah. I didn’t try hiding it and was just laughing. Granny was like this isn’t funny, Mariah can’t be behaving this way, and she shouldn’t be hanging around “skirt chasers”

I told her “What goes around comes around,” and basically that it’s karma because Tommy was a “skirt chaser” himself and now he has to be on the other end with his own daughter hanging around boys who were exactly like he was. Granny was so mad that she left early, which she never does.

My Mum and two of my aunts were over as well. All three of them agreed that what I said was funny and technically true. But I’m old enough to know that it’s one of those times when you laugh about it privately but not to their faces. And it was something for an adult to talk about in a serious matter, not to bring up as a joke I know I probably am, but still, AITA?

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

stephiijobot wrote:

I heckin' love this, and your maturity and awareness. Yes, generally these things are laughed at privately, but granny needed to hear it! Good on you! It seems you've got good judgement, so keep making these comments! We need more of the younger generations speaking out on things like this!

OP responded:

Thanks! :D

LoveBeach8 wrote:

NTA.

I, for one, find it hilarious! Sorry, but I do. To act otherwise would be sexist. Your granny and your uncle are of the old school of "Boys will be boys but girls need to remain virgins until they marry." Archaic nonsense.

RandySHorne wrote:

Here's an idea. Maybe uncle should have prepared his daughter for the type of dogs out there so she wouldn't be so emotionally involved with them and would know their tactics and the meaning behind them. He could have told her that he was that guy and could have given her the tools to fight against those boys.

But no, he waits until after she's hook and wants to complain about it. That is so typical of a guy not preparing his daughter for the real world. You are NTA. He and grandma need to take a look at their behavior and approach the daughter with a realistic view on life.

garulousmonkey wrote:

NTA - but your mum and aunts are right, there are some things you laugh about privately, and this sounds like one of those. Have you considered that your Uncle may have grown since then, realized he was wrong and be genuinely worried about his daughter?

OP responded:

If Tommy did realize it was wrong, then I think he would have been honest with Mariah about why he doesn't want her talking to these boys and what their intentions are. But instead he's always like you shouldn't do that, these boys aren't like us, and Mariah knows "I never did that" is total BS.

oranges214 wrote:

"Laughing about it privately" is what allows people like Tommy to be unaccountable and to go through life with no reflection on his own behavior. It's good that someone pointed his own behavior out to his face. NTA.

terra_nyx wrote:

Exactly! We need to stop walking on eggshells around people who behave like this. When we do that, we protect their comfort by making ourselves uncomfortable. Bring back public shaming for problematic behaviour! I will not sacrifice my comfort so creeps can keep creeping. They can be join me in the discomfort they created.

relative-thought-109 wrote:

I don't think there's anything funny about a 14 year old hanging around with guys who don't have her best interests in mind.

glittermantis responded:

Everyone is so focused on epically owning the hypocrite uncle that they're forgetting there's like, a vulnerable kid at the center. I'd say ESH because OP is showing a callous lack of concern about it.

EntrepreneurMany3709 wrote:

Right? The fourteen year old is the victim, not the dad or granny.

ConstructionNo9678 wrote:

I'm hoping this is one of those cases where it isn't as bad as what OP describes. I could easily see her texting with 1-2 guys, and her dad blowing it out of proportion because he "knows what boys that age are like."

Also, if it is that bad, uncle Tommy still isn't helping the situation at all. His anger and attempts to control Mariah aren't going to help her see the problem with what she's doing. She'd ideally have someone a bit older than OP who can help with talking to her about this stuff.

[deleted] wrote:

NTA. Your grandma brought it up. Also Tommy sounds like a crappy parent. I'm assuming he's the parent and not an uncle, which would make him policing Maria's sexuality even weirder.

If her grades are dropping because she's dicking around on her phone instead of doing homework you take away the phone until the homework is done. Assuming he's the father, you should also be mocking him for being a bad parent.

I just find Tommy's absolute powerlessness in the face of raising his own child laughable as well. He pays for the phone! And now he's blaming Sophia, who I assume is the mother, because she's not parenting his daughter enough? He sounds like a complete ass who likes to complain and do nothing.