'AITA for laughing when my coworker suggested my husband groomed me? MAJOR UPDATE
"AITAH for laughing when she (my coworker) suggested my husband groomed me?"
I(30) have been with my husband(40) for 6 years, and we’ve been married for 2. Recently, we got a new coworker, let’s call her Sara, who seems really keen on "helping" others. During lunch one day, Sara and I were talking about relationships, and she asked about my marriage.
I told her how long we've been together, and she got this serious look on her face. She said something like, “You know, that age difference is a bit concerning. Are you sure he didn’t groom you?”
I was completely caught off guard. My husband and I have a perfectly healthy relationship, and honestly, I intentionally sought out someone older because I like the stability and experience that comes with it. The idea of him grooming me just seemed so absurd that I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.
I didn’t intend to be rude, but it was just so ridiculous to me. Sara mumbled something I didn't care to hear and left the conversation soon after. I thought it was over, but later I found out that she’s been talking behind my back, telling the other coworkers that I was rude for laughing at her and that she was "just trying to help."
But what really got me was that she’s been telling people to avoid my “creepy” husband at an upcoming work party, as if he’s some kind of pr*dator! Now I’m starting to feel a bit guilty for how I reacted, but also kind of furious that she’s bad-mouthing my husband, who she’s never even met.So, AITAH for laughing when she suggested my husband groomed me?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
pimp2324 wrote:
You should complain to HR about her accusations and slander against your husband.
OP responded:
It's really the calling him "creepy" that makes me upset. I'm her boss so I could fire her myself if I wanted, but I know that would look like I'm just petty.
AtlasElPerro wrote:
"But what really got me was that she’s been telling people to avoid my “creepy” husband at an upcoming work party, as if he’s some kind of predator!"
I would go to HR, she should mind her own business and badmouthing your husband to your coworkers can actually harm your career.
Old_Cheek1076 wrote:
NTA but your repeated comments that as her boss you could “just fire her” or “publicly shame her” are very misguided. Not sure why you are so resistant to all the people telling you HR is the proper route.
MarathonRabbit76 wrote:
NTA. She’s a toxic gossip-monger who gets her jollies injecting herself into other people’s lives. This is an excellent time to be talking to HR. Even if she had a reasonable concern (and grooming is something you do to children not grown-a-s adults of 24), it’s neither her place nor her business to p*lice your relationship.
notAugustbutordinary wrote:
So you were 24 and he was 34 when you met? This woman sees that as grooming? You were not a naive child you were a full blown adult. No one normal would see that as a grooming situation even if they did think it was a big age difference.
Laughing at her unfortunately didn’t go far enough. She is stirring up trouble, dependent upon the size of your employer it is time to either speak to your manager or HR. NTA.
Eleven days later, OP shared an update.
Hey everyone, here’s an update on what happened. After my last post, things got worse with Sara. She wouldn’t stop making comments about my relationship, always bringing up how “concerning” the age difference was or making vague comments about “grooming” and “power dynamics.”
At first, people politely listened, but after a while, she repeated it so often that people started to get annoyed. Even those who didn’t know the full story could tell she was going overboard.
As basically everyone suggested, I decided to email HR to address the situation, but I made it clear that I didn’t want her to get in trouble, just wanted to resolve things and move on. HR was, well HR, and they begrudgingly set up an informal meeting with both of us present.
During the meeting, I explained how her comments were bothering me and that I felt they were inappropriate. Sara’s defense was…odd. She started by saying she was “just looking out for me” and “couldn’t stand by and watch something bad happen.” But then she got defensive, saying things like, “You just don’t know what it’s like to be manipulated” and “I’ve seen situations like this go bad.”
She was basically implying that she was some kind of expert on relationships like mine without actually knowing anything about it. At first I thought maybe she had experienced something like this and felt some sympathy, but honestly I hate making assumptions about people’s past and due to her constant talking, I assumed it would’ve came out if it was actually the case.
At that point, I asked her, “Sara, how old do you think I am?” She looked a bit flustered and hesitated before saying, “Um, like…24, 25”( which made no sense because I clearly look my age). I had to hold back my laughter again.
When I told her I was thirty, her face turned bright red, and she didn’t know what to say. The room got pretty awkward after that. HR stepped in and gently reminded Sara that while it’s okay to care about coworkers, constantly making unsolicited comments and spreading rumors wasn’t appropriate.
Sara didn’t say much after that and seemed pretty uncomfortable. She apologized, though it felt half-hearted. Since the meeting, she’s stopped making comments about my husband, but things between us have been pretty awkward. At least the issue is resolved, and I’m happy HR handled it without escalating things further.
The internet made their opinions clear in the comments.
BunchaMalarkey123 wrote:
It's one thing to express concern directly to the individual. It's a whole other thing to use your concern as an excuse to gossip about other people’s business. It's amazing she went this far without even knowing your age. Sounds like you handled it with grace. Good job. Hope she learned a lesson.
kisses_0139 wrote:
How can we make sure he didn't groom u tho? Maybe you were still a child at 24 years old, some people develop later. Cr*minal husband /s
Vikashar wrote:
I think she may have been projecting. I've known victims of grooming and other stuff who project when there is nothing wrong. They go overboard like her. It's awful what happened to them, but the Saras of the world don't have the right to try to mess up others' relationships.
OP responded:
Oh I never thought she’d affect my relationship. My husband helped me write the first post, and was also just as annoyed as me. However, he did call me The Child (we like the Mandalorian) for a few days and gave a few apologies for allowing me to seek him out.