'AITA for leaving Thanksgiving dinner without explanation after seeing my ex was there?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for leaving thanksgiving dinner without explanation after seeing my ex was there?"

Editor's note: added names and made small edits for clarity

• Madison (ex bsf)

• Aiden (ex bf)

• Mason (ex bsf's brother)

Idk why but I find this kinda funny LMAO. I'm using my younger sister's account btw so I might not be online much! Okay so I am 21 (female) and my ex bf, Aiden, is 20. Three days ago, my bsf, Madison, invited me to celebrate thanksgiving with her and our other friends (we were able to invite partners, siblings etc.).

My older sister 24, arrived before I did. So a little over a while later, she texted me but I was driving and my phone was on dnd, so I couldn't read her message. (Plus I don't wanna risk getting a ticket lol). And also, before I left my house, she called me and said that she drove to my bsfs [Madison's] house an hour earlier because Madison needed help with something and I don't know what it was.

Well, when I finally arrived to Madison's house, I parked into the driveway and got out, I made sure to double check if I had locked my car or not before I headed inside (the door was unlocked and I didn't need to knock because Madison says that "we aren't strangers and that she trusted me most" aww sweet but either way, I still texted her to let her know that I had arrived and she reacted with a thumbs up.)

I opened the door, walked inside and closed it behind me. I walked inside the living room, no one was there.

I then went to the dining room and everyone was sitting there while some were setting up the table. (Placing plates, forks, spoons, napkins etc.) However, when I took a few steps inside the dining room, I saw Aiden sitting on the side of the table where I could clearly see his face and my brain really said "oh hell no."

Without thinking for a second, I turned around, opened the front door and walked out. I still had my shoes on so I was quick to leave. I thought that no one had saw me but when I got into my car and started the engine, I heard Madison shouting my name.

I know this might sound rude but I didn't even glance at her and drove off immediately. I got a few texts from Madison, but I didn't hear any notifications because I had my phone on and but when I did, I was already home and received like, 10+ messages from her and they were all pretty much the same:

"Hey, (my name) why did you leave so suddenly? Dinner hasn't started yet and you're already gone!", "Where did you go? Did something urgent happened? Why did you leave?"

She was acting as if Aiden wasn't there, like girl was I being paranoid or was Aiden really there? I just left her on read and haven't spoken to her or anyone else yet. Even today when she called me, I didn't answer. Thing is...my sister...I forgot about her and I haven't heard from her yet! 😭

I did text her before I wrote this post but she hasn't responded yet so in the meantime, I'll be waiting for her response. Oh and the message she had sent me said: "Yo (my name), Aiden just arrived with Madison's brother, Mason. Did you know that he was coming???" I responded with no.

Edit: the dining room and the living room were in front of each other. For example, dining room on the left, living room on the right. If any of y'all have any questions, feel free to ask.

The internet had plenty to say about the situation.

MarathonRabbit69 wrote:

Just be open about it - “Aiden was there and I just ‘noped’ out. Figured no one needed the drama.”

OP responded:

I wanted to tell her about him but I didn't know what came up to me that made me shut up. But I did did text her today and she hasn't responded yet!

Fun_Scene_3392 wrote:

One would think that Madison would know that you wouldn’t be comfortable being around your ex. Madison’s brother is TAH for bringing him [Aiden], and frankly Madison Is a bit of an AH for not making him leave then pretending like she didn’t know why you left. She absolutely knew why you left and a real bsf would have warned you.

OP responded:

I didn't think of this tbh. Thank you for telling me, I'm gonna have a talk with her eventually

New_Day684 wrote:

This is not a “friend”. She knew he was there and didn’t warn you. It doesn’t matter if she invited him (probably did) or if she knew someone else brought him (she knew) she knew you broke up and wouldn’t want to spend a holiday with him. She set you up to create drama. SHE IS NOT A FRIEND OR GOOD PERSON.

OP responded:

Thank you. I'm starting to think about it now and it's actually quite confusing to me. She never hid something from me before but now that she did, I feel like there's something wrong.

Two and a half months later, OP shared an update.

A quick recap: A month earlier before the incident, my best friend and I planned on spending thanksgiving / christmas together (like how we used to do most of the times) that same week, she suggested that we spend it at her house and maybe I could spend the night there. (which, ngl was a great idea so I agreed.)

Well, fast forward to Thanksgiving, I arrived to her house and the door was unlocked so I just let myself in (to make it clear, we've been best friends for many years so it was normal for us to just go in each other's house at some times, especially in events without knocking. And if you're gonna ask, yes, she gave me permission to.)

Once I was inside, my eyes immediately spotted a familiar figure (who definitely was Aiden) sitting at the side of the table where I could clearly see his face. I didn't even hesitate and immediately turned around and left. My best friend then tried to chase me down by yelling for me but I was already gone by then (I "definitely" didn't ignore her 😭)

And like everybody else who went through the same situation, as soon as I drove back to my house, I had over 10+ messages from her, basically asking why I left so early even though I had just arrived and that dinner was gonna start soon. I left her on seen.

So sorry, I forgot to mention that my sister was gonna be there with us as well and that she arrived earlier before me for two reasons. 1. Madison needed her to be there for help with decorating, cooking and other stuff, all related to the event.

But while my sister was there, she saw Aiden arriving with my best friend's brother, Mason, and texted me right away but I couldn't respond or see the text because I was already driving to my best friends house and like I said in my last post, my phone was on DND because I didnt wanna risk getting a ticket.

The second reason is that I had some really important stuff to do which, for some privacy reasons I'll be keeping private. Sorry for the confusion! I only responded about 2-3 days later bc I still couldn't believe what just happened that day. In the text, I said:

"Hey _. Why didn't you tell me that _ (Aiden) was gonna be there? In fact, WHY would you or ANYONE invite him, knowing damn well what he did to me in the past??"

Welp, she didn't know what to say to that and left me on seen for a couple of hours before texting me back, apologizing and saying that she 'didn't know' that he was coming. I told her that, that was BS and that she knew damn well that he was gonna be there. She still hadn't answered me yet.

The update: Sorry to disappoint but nothing much happened. After I send that text, she never bothered to reply. Before I even knew it, she blocked me. Why? Idk. Maybe she's hiding something from me. Ik I shouldn't be saying that and suspecting her, considering us still being best friends but I can't help it. I've never heard from her or seen her again.

I tried asking our other mutual friends about her and they all said that they didn't hear anything from her ever since that day (yes I told them what happened and how it ended.) Some girls even said that she had blocked them the same day she blocked me.

Now, the only one who (possibly) knows where she's at and/or why she isn't responding to anyone is her brother. But I don't feel comfortable texting him and I don't think that I have the courage to.

So...yeah, that's pretty much it. It's been nearly two months and I'm still blocked. I'll post again if something happens but for now, I'll just continue enjoying life with my boyfriend. If anyone has any questioms to ask, please do (I don't bite). I like reading y'alls opinions, especially the ones who offer advice. Thaaanks for reading <3

Edit: Some comments said that if I needed/wanted closure or anything, I have to text Mason, which, I kinda have the courage to. I have him added on IG but he RARELY uses it so if I'm willing to message him, it'll take a while for him to message me back. I'll try to make an update about this whole situation as soon as possible.

The internet continued to share their thoughts.

HarveySnake wrote:

Either your ex is now dating your (ex?) best friend or this was some stupid attempt to get you back together with him. Sounds like your sister stayed. May want to ask her how things looked between the ex and best friend.

OP responded:

Damn that first line sounds harsh...I've never experienced such thing and I don't ever want to. But I'll take your word for it!

My sister said that he just stayed there chatting with the others but nothing more.

[deleted] wrote:

That's f-ed up really- To me, It Seems like she wasn’t really your best friend if she could block you so easily. Maybe she was hiding something or just didn’t care enough to make things right. Either way, you’re better off without her.

OP responded:

I agree. That's not how a best friend treats their other best friend. - Thanks! <3

Ginger630 wrote:

She didn’t know he was coming? To HER HOUSE? Yeah, I definitely call BS.

I think she was dating him or wanting to date him. She isn’t a best friend or even a friend. You’re better off without her.

OP responded:

EXACTLYYY!!! Like how wouldn't she know?!

A month later, OP shared another update.

Hey everyone, I'm back again with another update. But first, Imma give them some names. Madison (ex bsf), Aiden (ex bf) and Mason (ex bsf's brother). Hopefully y'all don't get confused or mixed up by these three. Also, the reason why I couldn't update or post sooner was because I rlly didn't have anything to update on.

Okay soooo...on my last post, I said that I might have to talk to Mason to get answers but well, things didn't go as planned. Basically, his sister was the one to reach out first. Yeah, my ex bsf, the girl everyone suspected was dating my ex.

I'm not saying that I didn't suspect her dating him as well but I can't say that I fully did either...) Madison unblocked me from everywhere (I think) and messaged me nearly 5 days ago, asking if we could meet up and have a talk. If I'm being honest, when I first saw her message my heart skipped a beat and it took me a few moments to process/realize if it was really her.

No because, you know that one feeling when someone you haven't heard from in months or maybe even years, suddenly text you out of the blue? Yeah, THAT feeling. I agreed because well, I REALLY wanted to know whether she and Aiden were dating or not. That thought was eating my brain.

Earlier today we met at a regular cafe. We sat awkwardly in front of each other for a few moments that felt like hours. and then she started initiating small talks with me, asking how I've been and if I'm doing okay (no honey I've been MISERABLE.).

I didn't say much and got to the point. I told her to tell me the truth and not dare lie about it. didn't say anything at first but then said "Mmh, okay." I first asked her about Aiden and why was he there despite her knowing how much I hated and resent him in the first place. She let out a huge sigh like she just lost a whole competition and then said that she "hoped" that we'll reconcile eventually and forget about the past.

(No way...) I just nodded, looked her in the eyes and then said "Are you and Aiden dating?" she just stared at me. Like deep in my soul. I didn't know what to do so I asked again. She tried avoiding that question by looking away and staying silent. It didn't stop me though, i told her "if you don't answer me, consider this the last time you'll ever talk to me. Let alone see me."

(I would've left either way). Dear internet...after some back and forth she admitted to it. They're dating. Continuing on, she looked at me and I could hearthe hesitation in her voice. She confirmed it, I asked for how long and she legit said a little over a year. ...Girl?.. No, I was for real shocked and speechless. I was like what the f?

And on top of that, she just casually said it...I decided to leave because I couldn't do it no more. I was disgusted and disappointed in her and I told her that. Her eyes started wailing up with tears and then she started begging me to hear her out first but I couldn't even look at her. Then, she started full on crying so I just left her there.

Omw home, I blocked her and her brother on everything. I know I didn't share why me and my ex broke up or what happened between us and I don't think that I'll ever will because for me, I want to keep it private and it's still traumatic. I might share some details about it in the future. Maybe, maybe not. But I reassure you that it was really really bad.

This may not be the update y'all hoped for but hopefully it is in the next one. If something else happened, I'll keep you updated. One last thing, if I didn't answer some of y'alls comments, I'm either busy, sleeping or at work. Tysm for the support 🤍

The internet did not hold back one bit.

flygonosk wrote:

Well you got it why she blocked you, also the b.s. of she wanting you to R with him, how cynical of her after she dating him for almost a year, that is absurd and you are doing right by cutting her from your life, you truly didn't need her for the last months I doubt you need her from here on out.

She can screw the ex and receive the same treatment you receive from him, and when she came crawling back for your forgiveness, just shut the door on her face. She doesn't deserve any from you. Also, I would advice to expose her to the rest of the friends and your sister. For them to know why she blocked you in the first place and maybe others. This is not for revenge, this is:

a) for you to keep out of her reach the control of the narrative

b) to find out who or which others of the friends group knew and didn't tell you, so you know there who you can count on. Good luck.

OP responded:

I'd like to take your advice and thank you!

Ok_passage_6242 wrote:

Wait when you say traumatic. Are you talking about something the authorities should’ve been called about or something super f--ed up? I don’t want you to go into details that you don’t want to. I just wanted to understand the rest of your story. I’m still on your side though and f your stupid f-ing friend. I hope she gets everything she deserves.

OP responded:

I'd say both. It was something about ab#se if yk what I mean.

Secret_Double9239 wrote:

NTA what best friend thinks it’s appropriate to date their best friend's ex? This is like family members dating other family members exes. Why would you do this? There are millions of other people in the world there are billions of other people you could’ve chosen from why did she have to choose the person she knew would hurt someone close to her the most.

At this point I almost feels like it’s some type of weird competition or obsession she has with you that she’s dating your ex and she’s been doing it for a year secretly without you knowing.

The fact that they were dating for a year before she told you was also incredibly scummy. For that year every time you met and spoke with her you were thinking this is my best friend when in reality it wasn’t your best friend, it was a backstabbing b#$ch.

OOP: This is what upsets me the most. Imagine finding out that, that person who you trusted the most ended up being nothing but a backstabber. It feels unreal but real at the same time