'AITA for making my daughter take a break from her BFF’s house because the mom is a body shamer?"

"AITA for making my daughter take a break from going to her best friend’s house because the mom purposely bought her a smaller size dress?"

About two weeks ago my 14-year-old daughter Bonnie was out shopping with her best friend Gigi and Gigi’s mom Lauren. While they were out, Lauren bought them both dresses she thought were cute. Except she bought Bonnie a size 3. Bonnie said she picked out one that was her size, but Lauren put it back and said that the size 3 one would be her “aspirational” dress to work towards fitting into.

When she came home, she gave it to me and was upset but also didn't want to say anything bad about Gigi's mom, which I get. First off, Bonnie is a HEALTHY girl. Gymnastics until she was about 11 (and grew several inches), dance in the fall and track in the spring, all her choices.

So she's got an athletic build. Gigi is a small girl, barely 5 feet, and so I thought at first she got them mixed up. She told me that Gigi’s mom got it for her to aspire to try to get into by “working hard.” I said I’d take care of it and get her the right size. The next day, I called Gigi’s mom Lauren and asked her why she would do that.

She explained that she thought it would give Bonnie something to work towards, because she heard Bonnie saying she didn’t get asked out last year but Gigi had several boys after her and that it seemed like it upset her. I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys?

She got defensive and said that it was obviously embarrassing for Bonnie to not have boys into her when all her friends do. She basically said I’m holding Bonnie back from growing up—like I won’t help her with boys, won’t drop hundreds at Sephora, still dress her like a kid, and buy B&BW sprays instead of fancy perfumes.

She said it’s messing with Bonnie socially and that she’s the only one in her friend group who hasn’t had a boyfriend. Then she got personal and said just because I’ve “given up” and stopped trying doesn’t mean I have to turn Bonnie into a nun.

FOR THE RECORD, this is partially true. But it's also because Bonnie doesn't WANT that stuff. I have offered to get her more than Cetaphil skincare and she doesn't want it. She got straight As last year and I took her to Ulta for a "spree" and sall she wanted was some lip gloss and then ASKED for the body spray instead. I said that it’s time for a break.

The girls can still hang out, but I don’t want Bonnie at Gigi’s house. Bonnie got upset over it and I can deal with that. Gigi’s mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being “psycho” and doubling down on how it’s all because I don’t want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I’m single and “no man would touch me.”

Which is just…childish. And I’ve been shocked to see how other people have reacted to this, so now I’m questioning my own parenting which I NEVER do. AITA!?

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

Apart-Ad-6518 wrote:

NTA.

"I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys?"

Exactly that. Egregious behavior. She shouldn't be saying anything about your daughter's weight or appearance.

"Gigi’s mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being “psycho” and doubling down on how it’s all because I don’t want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I’m single and “no man would touch me.”

Please do not allow someone as toxic & vicious as this to cause you to doubt your parenting or yourself. It's reasonable to let the girls hang out and equally so not to have your daughter go to this woman's house. No way should that happen.

CuriousEmphasis7698 wrote:

NTA. Gigi's mom is toxic. This is not someone you want your daughter exposed to or associating with. She's 14, she is still a kid. It is not 'messing with her socially' to treat her in an age-appropriate way. Gigi's Mom's implication that your daughter needs to lose weight is also beyond unacceptable. Her own kid is probably on her way to an eating disorder, you don't want your daughter in that boat.

liloemene wrote:

Lauren is a gossip and a b-lly. You can't control what other people think about you or say about you. It's a life lesson to teach your daughter. Hold your head high. If anyone tries to talk about it to you, simply explain you're choosing not to allow any woman to fat shame your daughter by buying her clothes that are too small for her and telling her she needs to lose weight to please boys.

You find the behavior abhorrent, and you are protecting your daughter from that kind of toxicity. You're doing a great job. Your daughter may not appreciate it now, but she will as she gets older. Why on earth any woman is pushing for 13-14 year old girls to have boyfriends is beyond me. What the crap?

Malibu_COLA wrote:

NTA. That was wildly inappropriate to get the wrong sized dress and basically implying there was something wrong with Bonnie’s body size. Poor Gigi. If Bonnie only had to deal with this one day, I can only imagine what Gigi has to go through! I hope Bonnie is doing okay!

amyb10045 wrote:

If another mom did this to my daughter it would be WW3. Not every girl wants hundreds of dollars of skincare from Sephora, wants a boyfriend and should aspire to be a size 3. My daughter is the complete opposite of girly skincare and she actually don't date boys....if you get what i'm saying.

If your daughter wants to continue seeing this friend it should be at your house only. And if the mom keeps being toxic then you might have to cut it off altogether, which sucks for the girls.

CapoExplains wrote:

NTA good f-king lord it is absolutely wild to me that an adult woman would teach a 14 year old girl that she has to sculpt her body for male attention. Absolutely apes--t, it's the 2020s not the 1920s.

Edit: and I mean shit even if it was the 1920's she's fourteen.

anbaris26 wrote:

NTA. Lauren seems like she was a b-lly to other girls in high school. And now she forces these things on her daughter (and yours) because she knows she would have b-llied them for those types of things back when she was a teen.

Her reaction alone proves that you were right to stop letting Bonnie go over there in the first place. The appropriate response from a mature adult would have been “I’m sorry for overstepping, I respect that this is how you want to raise/teach your daughter and I won’t interfere with that.”