Parents call it a 'harmless crush' but teen runs away from home to escape harassment from sister's best friend. AITA?
"AITA for moving out of my parents' house and skipping a family reunion because my parents keep including my sister's best friend?"
I'm 17, my sister "Lana" is 15 and her best friend "Meg" is 15. Lana and Meg have been BFFs forever and Meg was always over at our house. It was never a big deal before. I knew she had a crush on me years ago.
But I always expected it to go away and I never encouraged it. I came out when I was 13 too so I figured Meg would realize she never stood a chance. I thought at least Lana would help her try to focus on someone else.
But Meg's crush either came back or became fully realized a year ago and she has been so over the top flirting with me and being inappropriate. I spoke to Lana, I spoke to my parents and I even tried speaking to Meg.
My parents told me she's a kid and it's a harmless crush. They dismissed the real concerns I had about how far Meg was willing to go. They told me it's normal for kids to go a little crazy over a crush. Especially when their crush is so present in their lives. When I told them it made me uncomfortable they said Meg is a part of the family and she's Lana's BFF and she'll always be welcome.
I have found Meg in my room going through my stuff. She stole stuff out of my closet, she slept in my bed when I wasn't home one night and she even came to me in the middle of the night when she was sleeping over saying she got scared and wanting to climb into my bed.
We have a pool in our yard and Meg has tried to slip off her bikini top in front of me before. She's tried touching me in ways I don't like and don't feel comfortable with. It got so bad that I stopped spending time outside last summer because I was freaking out that she might strip in front of me and try to do something and could get one or both of us hurt if I moved away too fast.
I had to start locking my bedroom door but she'd still try to get in. She'd always insist on sitting next to me at lunch or dinner and if she was included in a family movie night she'd try to cuddle up to me.
I avoided the couch for that reason but even one of the chairs she'd either sit on the arm or even suggest sitting on my lap or she'd take the floor next to me. Nobody would ever tell her to stop expect for me and nobody had my back.
She was like that in school too and I got some help there. A couple of teachers stepped in and told her she couldn't harass me. One time she tried following me into the boys bathrooms and she got into big trouble for it.
My parents and Lana were upset I got Meg into trouble over that. When they found out I was telling teachers everything they acted like I was overreacting and being super harsh on poor Meg. It was after that I called my grandparents and told them what was happening and they said I could move in with them.
Since I was 17 and I knew my parents would resist I just didn't tell them. They were angry and tried very hard to make me move back in. They gave up when I told them to eff off in not those exact words but I did curse.
Meg and Lana tried to visit my grandparents house since I moved in. My grandparents stop them at the door and they have told Lana she can visit them if she wants but Meg is not welcome.
Last weekend my wider family had a family reunion at the lake house they all share. Meg was invited to keep Lana company and when my grandparents and I heard that we all skipped the reunion. I told them they could go but they said someone needed to stand in my corner and they were the ones to do it.
When we didn't show up my parents anger got worse and they accused me of taking this too far again and they said I was acting like a scared kid. They told me to get over it.
That Meg's only a kid. That I moved out of my house and avoided my family over a 15 year old girl with a crush. I asked what would happen if I had to physically push Meg off of me sometime.
What if she got hurt physically because I avoided her. They told me I don't need to get physical to stop her and I'm being over dramatic. They told me if I brought a date there'd be no issue. But I tried that. A friend came along as a fake boyfriend to a party before I moved out and Meg was still flirting and trying to touch me.
My grandparents have told my parents repeatedly since I moved in that they're disgusted with the fact they let things get so bad. They wanted my parents to know they blame them completely and feel they should have done a better job protecting me. At one point they even told my parents they didn't deserve the title because they were failing. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I would guess that your parents aren't as comfortable with your sexuality as they may have pretended and are secretly hoping Meg will somehow win and make you straight again.
Honestly, it's ridiculous but I've come across it more than once -- a parent outwardly professing support for their LGBTQ+ kid but secretly conspiring in some crazy arse hope they can change their mind!!! And yes they ARE failing you, and not protecting you from sexual harassment. NTA.
Maybe. I don't know if it's about that or Meg in particular or this idea that guys can't be uncomfortable with attention like that. All I know is they never helped me with this and acted like I was being a drama queen for wanting it to stop. I don't even think the reason why matters as much. At least I have my grandparents. They stepped up when they didn't have to.
I’m sorry. You are being harassed and assaulted in front of your parents and no one is protecting you except for your grandparents. They are dismissive either because she is a girl or because they “love her so much,” or because they are deep down homophobic. But the why is irrelevant.
The fact is they are being incredibly selfish for putting you in this position & Meg sounds unwell. This is NOT typical crush behavior. no matter what they say, it crossed the line long ago. And if they refuse to act you need to protect yourself so stay with your grandparents & limit contact until they get it.
And NEVER EVER be alone with Meg under any circumstances. Her behavior is unhinged and could escalate into a precarious situation for you if she ever realizes that she truly has no shot. NTA.
FabulousHand3789 (OP)
I'm never alone with her now. I started splitting my time between school online from home and actually going to school and when I go to school I always have a friend with me. Even to use the bathroom now which is humiliating in so many ways but we know Meg won't stop because of that. She already followed me in before.
NTA. Ask your parents how they'd feel if one of you make friends acted the same way towards your sister, I'd bet he'd be out of there faster than you can say get out.