'AITA for not accepting an apology after my GF uninvited me from a group event?' MAJOR UPDATE

"WIBTA for not accepting an apology after being uninvited from an event?"

Keinemusik is playing in London in June at Gunnersbury Park. My girlfriend, Tina, is a fan and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes. She also FaceTimed her sister Yasmin to confirm she was attending. Yasmin is bringing her boyfriend Jim, and Tina’s friend Yvonne is also coming. Yasmin asked Tina to buy tickets. During the call, Tina joked about buying four tickets but not confirming who they were for.

She said, “OP and I are going, Yvonne is going—I’m not sure who the fourth ticket is for.” Over the next few days, Tina repeatedly asked me if I was sure I wanted to go. Each time, I confirmed that I did, as I enjoy their music (even if I’m not as big of a fan as Tina or her friends). I’ve been intrigued by the hype, and events like this are something Tina and I typically do together.

Today, however, her tone shifted. Tina said Yasmin had shown her a new set she thought I might not like. I reassured her I did like their music and asked if she was trying to get me to say I didn’t want to go. To my surprise, Tina admitted she’d been thinking it over and decided she’d like to make it a girls’ night with Yvonne, as they rarely get the chance to do things like this together.

I asked if Yasmin and Jim were still going, which Tina confirmed but said, “I’m not going with them—I don’t think I’ll see much of them.” I felt rejected. Instead of an open and loving conversation, it felt like she drip-fed me hints to manipulate me into not going.

She could’ve said, “I’d like this to be a girls’ night—would you mind inviting a friend?” Instead, it felt calculated, and that she didn’t want me there. What makes it harder is picturing Tina, Yvonne, Yasmin, and Jim having fun without me— and not only not missing me but actively having arranged for me not to be there.

I actually did what Tina suggested earlier and listened to their latest set to make sure I would like it, only to be hurt more when I was temporarily made to be even more excited for the event only to then realise I had to find someone who actually wanted to go with me.

I also sort of don’t want to go on my own or with anyone else because I feel like I’ll be in my head about whether Tina is having more fun without me and it’ll ruin the experience. Tina has since apologised for the way she handled it and admitted that she should have just been honest and direct, but something still isn’t sitting right with me about essentially being excluded from this event.

She did say in passing that perhaps I should invite two other friends (a couple, interestingly enough she assumed they would come as an item even though we seemingly do not) and go with them, but her not wanting to spend this time with me is hurting.

We do have other plans lined up—a trip in December and another event in June 2025—so this isn’t a pattern of exclusion. Still, I can’t shake the hurt, especially since I’m used to us doing things like this together. WIBTA for not accepting this apology and making a bigger deal out of this?

The internet had questions and comments to add.

kharmatika wrote:

INFO: Have you asked her about why she did it this way? Did she answer you? Or would this be the first time you addressed how deeply the manipulation hurt you?

OP responded:

Yes, I asked. She said because she was fearful of causing upset so hoped I would just decide not to come. I asked if there was more to it, because it wasn’t “look I fancy doing this with Yvonne so would you mind inviting one of your friends?”

It wasn’t “look, I feel really bad, I know I said I’d do this with you but I’d like to make it just me and Yvonne” it was a calculated attempt to make sure I didn’t attend (or so it felt) - she assures me that it’s not the case, and that it’s no deeper than her just wanting to go with Yvonne now rather than a larger group.

incospicuous_echoes wrote:

NTA. What’s done is done, but you may want to reevaluate your relationship and see if there’s more signs where you’re often dismissed or overlooked. To me it feels intentional almost on a gate keeping level where the four tickets were always meant to be for them, with you, the interloper, conveniently bailing at the last minute, but your gf still able to go.

OP responded:

The four ticket thing is being taken slightly out of context. The four tickets weren’t intended for the five people in the story, or at least that’s now how I interpreted it. I took it that Yasmin & Jim would likely get their own tickets, Tina was sorting mine, Yvonne’s, and her own, and there’d be a spare for someone else.

Yasmin I think was hoping Tina would buy hers for financial reasons, and maybe the fourth ticket would have ultimately gone to her, or Jim would have bought her one - but I don’t think there’s any chance Tina is buying Jim’s ticket. I included it in the story to demonstrate how it had gone from a “the more the merrier” mentality to “I’d rather you didn’t come” conversation.

Nevertheless, there are a few other signs of me being overlooked, or perhaps not getting as warm of a reception to certain things that her friends would typically enjoy. I’ve raised this with her, because I’m concerned that she’s starting to resent me, but she’s assured me that it’s not the case, that I’m reading into things, that she‘s very committed to and in love with me.

She has been quite self-aware and said there have been instances where in hindsight she has self sabotaged because the relationship is getting more serious and she has been hurt in the past.

Worth-Season3645 wrote:

NTA…Buy your own tickets for you and a friend, (I would actually try and get better seats than her, petty me), and have a great time.

Four days later, OP shared another update.

After a bit of reflection time Tina offered a sincere apology and said in hindsight she'd handled it very poorly. She said I was more important in her life than any gig, and rather than risk causing any more upset she wasn't going to go. I was grateful for the reassurance.

I did think that closer to the time we could likely pick up some resale tickets cheap if we changed our mind, but for the most part, in my current headspace, I figured going to the event would just be a painful reminder of a time I wasn't wanted, so I would likely rather skip it and try to forget it altogether.

The ticket date came and went and I wondered if Tina had bought tickets. I stopped myself from asking her though, and decided to trust her word from the night prior that she wasn't going to. We patched things back up and got pretty much back on track.

You can probably guess what happens next. A little later I ask how Yvonne took the conversation around tickets, and she was a little evasive saying "we've already had this conversation, she said I handled it really badly etc". I asked her outright if she'd bought tickets, and she hesitated, before confirming she'd bought 3 (1 for her, 1 for Yvonne, 1 for me).

Her view is that we have these very hard to come by tickets for the future now should we decide to go, & if I'm not comfortable she would simply sell them. My view is she had two options: 1. risk not getting tickets, but no risk to upsetting me. 2. zero risk on tickets, but small chance of upsetting me. - she chose option 2 and risked upsetting me (breaking her promise from the night previous).

I feel like she's putting this event ahead of me. She assures me that's not the case, and that buying the ticket and including me was a loving gesture. I'd have "every right to be pissed off" if the evidence showed her buying two tickets, but because it was three, I should accept this came from a place of love.

I asked why if it was so loving she didn't tell me at the time, she said because we had been arguing. I asked why make the commitment one day before to not buy tickets only to then do it, she said she reflected and changed her mind because we might all want to go.

The comments kept rolling in.

sxfrklarret wrote:

Just another instance of someone accepting sh--ty treatment from a shitty SO because they think they "love" them.

Love, relationship and respect is not difficult. You both kinda suck.

ZealousidealPound118 wrote:

So...you were more important to her than any gig, and she wasn't going to buy tickets. Except that it turned out that you weren't. I don't think this is just a problem with her expressing herself poorly. I think she is expressing her priorities pretty clearly. I'm really sorry.

Significant_Taro_690 wrote:

If she wanted you there she could tell Yasmin and Jim to buy their own and then she could buy 4 and had one for you. (We are a bigger group of friends and do that a lot!) but she did not think it was important for her to have you there.

It's also not a girls trip, she wanted/has bought tickets for Yasmin and Jim. Funny thing with actions like this the harm is done, you are hurt by her behavior because she could not say „I go with my friends“ and invited you first.

And whatever she tries now you still will not forget the feeling that she lied to you and didn't want you there even when she invited you first. In my opinion you are NTBTA. And I think it doesn't change anything if she goes or goes not or goes with you, she ruined the event and the experience for you, its tainted.