'AITA for not agreeing to sit and watch an entire TV show with my daughter as bonding?' UPDATED
"AITA for not agreeing to sit and watch an entire TV show with my daughter as bonding?"
My 28-year old daughter Jessica moved back in with me and her father (my husband) 6 months ago. She split with her live-in girlfriend and will save up at home. The one big difference she and I have always had is that she LOVES watching TV. She is always watching something or as she says “doing a rewatch” and all of that. I never really got into TV.
Jessica started “doing a rewatch” of a show she must have seen a dozen times, Gilmore Girls. It is a show about a very entitled and bratty mother and daughter who constantly yell and scream at each other and everyone around them. Over the years while she has watched it, I’ve seen enough to know that I just do not like it.
I think the show relies on the viewer to find the yelling matches endearing or the “quirky” cast of side characters to be charming. It’s just not for me. I could explain more about what I don't like but I don't think anyone wants that. But Jessica asked me if we could do this one together because it would be a great mother/daughter bonding time.
I asked her how we would be bonding by sitting down and watching the TV and she said it would just be the experience. I told her that I’m sorry, but I just genuinely dislike the show AND that I am not interested in watching hours and hours of TV to begin with. I told her that I would be happy to watch a movie with her every week. She didn’t want to do that.
And now I’ve hurt her feelings and she's angry with me because I won’t sit and watch a TV show I dislike with her. I don’t like to hurt her feelings, but I also cannot imagine how much time I'd be wasting just sitting there watching a show about overly privileged people screaming at each other. AITA?
Not long after posting, OP shared a small edit/clarification.
Edit: I just want to make a few things clear, since there are some wild leaps in the comments. We do spend time together, and over the years (and now) I've done many, many things with her that I wasn't all that interested in. I've seen Taylor Swift three times, and it wasn't because I love her.
The internet had a lot of comments and questions about OP's situation.
goldentone wrote:
She’s probably really sad about splitting up with a partner she shared a life with, it’s more about that than the tv show. When my kids are sad or otherwise vulnerable I say yes to a lot of together time I would normally try to wriggle out of lol.
You definitely shouldn’t feel pressured to watch every single GG episode but maybe suffer through a few if that’s what she needs right now? Obviously giving her a place to live is already doing a lot for her and I’m not saying you’re being unreasonable, but from an outsider’s perspective you’ve got a small blind spot when it comes to an emotional need she has right now.
OP responded:
Oh I know she's still hurting from the split. The first month after she moved back in, she didn't really do much other than work and watch Criminal Minds.
Her dad really likes that show, so they ended up watching a bunch of it together, and I think I watched a few episodes with her as well. And for what it's worth, I don't count giving her a place to live as a big thing. She's my kid, she will always have a place in my home so long as I'm alive.
arsenal_kate wrote:
NAH. You’re allowed to not like the show, but have you suggested any alternate activities to do together? Your daughter was reaching out for connection, and hoping that a show that is about the strong bond between a mother and daughter would be good for relating to her own mother.
And you basically shat all over her offer. My guess is there’s a reason she enjoys the fantasy of a strong mother-daughter relationship in Gilmore Girls.
OP responded:
I said in the post that I offered to watch movies with her, so there's one. We also already go hiking fairly often just the two of us, occasionally her dad or best friend comes. She comes shopping with me every few weeks, we cook together most weekends. I do spend time with her, especially with her living here.
StAlvis wrote:
INFO
"I could explain more about what I don't like but I don't think anyone wants that."
PLEASE, go on:
OP responded:
I've already said my biggest frustration -- they never stop yelling at each other. That's the only way any of these people communicate. Constant dramatics and yelling. I can't stand the "she's my best friend first, my daughter second" mindset from the mom. I don't think that's a healthy mindset, and it causes even more dramatics and yelling.
And the grandma who just constantly criticizes everyone and everything around her. I think I said it, but I think the show's "charm" relies on the viewer finding the antics charming and cute versus obnoxious. The side characters who live in the town are painfully unfunny and annoying. The cutesy way the daughter talks, the bratty prep school kids...
Timely_Egg_6827 wrote:
Stupid question but do you have a strained relationship with your daughter and does it involve yelling? Because I've had people propose watching shows because they wanted to use the dynamic for more than just shared experience of bonding.
I do find it odd your daughter is being so dogmatic about forcing you to engage in an experience only she values as bonding. So might be worth asking her why this particular show.
I am not saying this is your relationship or her intent but...there is likely a reason why she wants to inflict it on you whether as opening for discussion or a power move or she really doesn't get why not your thing.
OP responded:
I don't think it's a stupid question at all! I think given the nature of the show it's a good one. We never really had a strained relationship, and we don't really yell (save stubbing a toe, etc) at home. We're not "OMG besties" or anything, but we've always gotten along fine.
She would always come to me to talk about problems or girls she liked, and when she came out to us she told us that she never had to worry about how we'd react or anything. So she definitely felt save, loved, supported, etc.
Venusflytrapdinner wrote:
Nobody going to? Okay, YTA. Your adult daughter is simply trying to find a way to share what is bringing her joy in her hard time with you but you refuse because you “don’t like the show”. Mildly selfish imo, I say suck it up and give your child the bonding time she needs. If at almost 30 you two still NEED to bond, I would jump at any occasion to.