'AITA for not asking my mom to donate to the GoFundMe set up for my stepmother's cancer fight?'

"AITA for not asking my mom to donate to the GoFundMe set up for my stepmother's cancer fight?"

Okay, so I struggled with how to headline this but I (M17) think that works. Let me explain what's going on and the background. My parents had me and my two older sisters (F20, F19) together. When I was 2 my parents divorced because mom found out dad was having an affair with a woman named Claire. Claire is who became my stepmother.

Claire was also the ex of one of my dad's friends. So he lost two relationships because of the affair and I think it hurt mom more because she knew Claire and they had gotten along. When my sisters and I were really young dad and Claire would say we were all one family, which included mom, and that they'd love to be friends with her but she didn't want to be their friend.

We'd go back to mom about it and eventually she brought us to a therapist and explained that dad and Claire had hurt her badly when they got together and that she was not asking us to hate either of them for her, but to understand why they're not friends or why we're not all one big family.

It pissed my dad and Claire off and they accused her of alienating us from them in court but the court said mom was just protecting her relationship with us after they had used some alienation techniques on us with those comments. After that dad and Claire shut up about it but we could tell they didn't like mom.

We could also tell it upset and bothered them that we always called Claire her name and not mom. Even when we talked about her to others she was Claire and eventually I would say my dad's wife Claire if I had to clarify who she was. I picked that up from my sisters. I know stepmom would be correct and all but I don't think Claire deserves that title.

I said stepmother in the title because it sounds so formal and distant and that's pretty accurate. A few years ago my mom won some money. News about it spread and my dad and Claire heard about it and so did the rest of dad's family. It's not something mom talked about and she actually divided it mostly between me and my sisters for college or other stuff.

She still has some of it though and dad doesn't know any of this. In October last year Claire was diagnosed with stage three cancer and she started treatment for her cancer. She ended up being sent for so many different treatments and some helped while others didn't or just made her sicker.

But they also had my half siblings (5 and 3) to think about. So after a lot of struggles my grandparents suggested dad set up a GoFundMe for help. They raised some money from it already but not as much as they hoped. And they kept track of who was donating and got pissed off when my mom didn't donate. Dad called mom up and told her she needed to donate and to think about me and my sisters.

Mom said Claire wasn't entitled to anything from her. This is when my dad, Claire and some of dad's family tried to rope me in. They wanted me to ask mom.

Dad was like you shouldn't have to and she should know Claire is important to us and do it for us (me and my sisters) but sometimes it needs to come directly from one of the horses mouths. I told them I wasn't asking mom and I thought it was sick to say my mom needed to pay for his other woman's cancer treatments.

I said no matter how long they've been together now it doesn't change how they started. Not when they hurt mom. My dad and Claire weren't able to speak because I didn't even acknowledge that she's supposed to be important to me.

But dad's family members said it would be the right thing to do for the sake of my family and that the way I was talking about Claire was not very appreciative of all she's done for me.

They also said I was old enough to know when life and death matters more than petty hurts. Mom was pissed off when she found out they tried to involve me and it pissed my dad's side off even more that I told her about it but didn't ask her to donate.

Mom told me not to say a thing to them about the money she gave me and my sisters because they'll try everything to get us to give that up. And if we don't want to then we shouldn't. So I'm keeping quiet even though mom's getting shit for having money, being able to make a difference (in their minds) and not doing it. But AITA for not asking?

The internet had lots to say in response.

New-Comment2668 wrote:

NTA. Cheating on your spouse is not a "petty hurt." Attempting to alienate your children from their mother is not a "petty hurt." Attempting to use your children to pry money from the ex that you cheated on to help the person you cheated with is not a "petty hurt." Your father and Claire have an enormous amount of audacity to expect a penny from your mother.

Zookeepergameold8988 wrote:

OP’s dad’s family thinks it’s not enough that Claire took his mom’s husband and tried to take her children - Claire wants her money as well? Maybe blood and a kidney to put on Claire’s mantle? JFC! OP, you are not the AH in any way shape or form. Listen to your mom and make sure those vampires don’t find out you have access to any money. You’re almost done having to put up with this from them.

flawedbeauty91 wrote:

NTA….your mom has every right to be upset. If I was her, I wouldn't donate a thing either. Claire wasn't thinking about her when she was screwing her husband so why should she care about Claire now that she is sick?? Also your dad is an AH for trying to put you in the middle of their BS.

Future_Type_9835 wrote:

Some men are special creatures...just out there re-framing narratives and not having any shame or remorse for their actions, and if not remorse or regret then atleast some type of courtesy and empathy towards a woman you hurt and betrayed. Just...wow! NTA but you know who is right? It's not your mom either...yes, it def your dad and his fam.

Petty hurts?? Always so nice to talk when it's not you, I bet none of them would have been as gracious as your mom has beem thus far. They should leave your mom alone, there are plenty of other ways to raise that money.