'AITA for not cooking for my husband's friend? He said it was unfair I was eating in front of him.' UPDATED 2X

Dealing with entitled people can at times make you question the validity of your own boundaries.

"AITA for not cooking for my husband's friend?"

So I 24F got off work a bit ago. My husband 24M had some friends over playing card games for the evening and I knew that before I got home. I came home and saw they had ordered pizza and I don't overly like that pizza brand (dominoes is nasty imo) so I said hi to everyone and started making a frozen ramen.

Now my frozen ramen are from a local place and are delicious and not very cheap, but they are my favorite lazy meal. So I was standing at the stove making my ramen and one of my husband's friends, Brian (fake name) started saying it smelt good. I replied that yes it is delicious and he should try them out sometime but they are pricey (about 16 CAD each).

As it kept cooking he just kept saying things like "man that smells good" and "I'd kill for some ramen right now" and such. I just eventually told him that they run a special of buy 10 get 1 free (as I said they are fancy ramen, and very filling). He then said "Oh so you have more? Could you cook me one?"

Honestly I was put off by that. I had just worked for 8 hours and I had told him they aren't cheap. I said "Well no, they are kind of my thing. I really recommend trying them out though". He clearly got a bit angry and had stopped their game at this point. He said "well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. You should have just had pizza."

To be fair at this point my husband and the other guys stepped in and told Brian to chill out. My husband also told Brian that it was my food and I don't like the pizza. It was pretty awkward and once my ramen was heated I took it to my desk in the other room and started typing this out. I was admittedly eavesdropping and I heard Brian leave shortly after I came to my desk.

I'm really wondering if I should have just made him a ramen because I feel the atmosphere of my husband's group might be ruined because of me. So. AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?

Not long after, OP shared an update.

Small update, the rest of the friends left, and husband came to talk to me. He apologized for Brian's behavior and explained that after I left, Husband asked Brian what his problem was. Brian said "whatever let's get back to the game" they all sat in discomfort for about 5 min, then Brian just got up and left.

The rest of the gang finished the game, and then they went home. According to Husband, the group agreed that Brian was acting weird and rude. One of the guys volunteered to check on him tomorrow and tell him to apologize to us. So I'll update on that tomorrow, I guess.

The comments came flowing in.

deathtoallants wrote:

NTA. Brian should’ve written down the name of the store/brand and flavor on a memo so he could go buy it later. This might be pushing it, but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test it before committing to buying 10 portions of an expensive ramen. I’ve never heard of frozen ramen. Wtf

OP responded:

The store is a ramen restaurant and they simply sell their fancy homemade ramen as frozen for a few bucks cheaper. It is just noodles, meat (spicy chicken in my case), broth, and some veggies. Honestly I could make it at home but I'm lazy lol. But I'm really relieved to see people saying I'm nta. I was getting really into my own head as I was sitting here so that's for the judgement.

Kisstheringfinga wrote:

It isn’t your responsibility to feed grown men unless you have some sort of agreement with them. I would ban any man or woman from my home that disrespected my spouse like that. The level of entitlement and overall audacity is just astounding. I couldn’t imagine some random person/friend trying to coerce my wife into cooking for them. NTA.

Trick_Parsley_3077 wrote:

“Brian” sounds like he is a Man Child and a bit Misogynistic!

Glad your husband had your back too! 👏 NTA.

PrestigiousTicket845 wrote:

NTA. I can’t believe he actually asked you to make him a ramen knowing that you just came back from an 8 hour shift?? Even the comment “I could kill for some ramen right now” is pretty insensitive because it puts you in a position to feel guilty enough to offer.

Thankfully you had a backbone and didn’t do that. Brian needs to be retaught some manners. On a positive note, I’m happy you have a supporting husband :)

The next day, OP shared an update.

Hi all! I was very overwhelmed with the responses to the post. I was honestly just working myself up last night and needed to vent somewhere, I didn't really expect such a response. Thank you all for judgements, it was helpful. Anyways to the update. Sorry it took the whole day, a lot happened.

The other friend that went to check on Brian, (Sam again fake name) tried calling him in the morning and didn't get a reply. Eventually Sam went to Brian's place and asked to talk. Sam said it basically went down as him saying,

"You were being weird as hell with ME, what was that"

"I just didn't want dominoes and you guys didn't listen to me. I just wanted other food."

Sam and my husband also say that when the group was discussing food and one of them said just get dominoes, Brian didn't say any objection.

Sam then told him along the lines of "okay well you need to apologize to Husband and I"

Brian then said "yeah I'll apologize to husband"

Most of you readers will pick up what Sam picked up on, Brian didn't want to apologize to me.

Sam told him he mostly needed to apologize to me, it was me he spoke to and me he was rude to.

Brian then told him he'll "think about it" and asked Sam to leave.

Sam then came over and told us the conversation and I started writing the update for you guys.

As I started writing Brian called husband. He was talking very rushed, and I could hear him almost a room away.

"Yeah I'm sorry for last night. I don't think I want to attend game nights at your house though. I don't get along with Me"

Husband started getting kind of heated at that point, because Brian was talking very rapidly, like in a panic almost. The argument kind of dissolved into a lot of what the comments brought up, my husband asking him was his problem was, is he just that misogynistic, why was he acting this way and such.

Husband said that Brian didn't really make sense during the "talk," making weird comments about other significant others of the guys (some of them are gay or poly), talking about the guys not 'sharing their time', and 'they (I assume he was talking about me and other partners) always ruin the energy and I can never enjoy the time with everyone."

Husband was a bit to angry to ask more and just told him to get himself sorted out and not to come over again. The other guys are more concerned and think Brian is having a manic episode or is getting into Andrew Tate, as Brian is the last single one of them group. My husband kind of doesn't care through and told them to not involve him in Brian's issues. For me I kind of don't know what to make of it.

I feel bad for my husband because he is very stressed after it all. This isn't his only friend group but he has known these guys for many years. I think most commenter clocked it correctly, he is misogynistic and was just angry at my existence. I doubt there will be another update, husband wants to step away from the whole thing for now. So thank you all again and have a good night!

And the comments kept rolling in.

Designer_Carpenter88 wrote:

F#$k that guy. He’s a grown a$$ man. I would be done with his weird a$$. We hang at a friends house on Fridays, we get pizza sometimes. His wife comes home with something else. Nobody acts like that.

bythebook88 wrote:

"I don't get along with Me"

Then don't ask people you don't like to share their food, idiot!

Trick_Parsley_3077 wrote:

I commented on your original post that I thought Brian was Misogynistic, but after reading your Update…I getting vibes that maybe Brian has some other issues going on! Maybe either mental or substance issues??? Something is definitely off with him. Again great job for your husband handling this issue and having your back!

canyonemoon wrote:

It's great some friends want to help Brian through whatever he is very clearly going through, but I also think it's more than fair for your husband to just cut ties and be done with him. Some people need help and support to get better, but it's more than alright to not want to provide that support when the person needing it has been nasty, cruel, and s*xist.

I'm sorry it's stressing you both out so much, sounds like a really miserable situation. I'm just so glad that your husband is such a stand up guy and has been supporting you from the get go. Maybe a relaxing weekend away from everything here would be nice for you. :)

bugabooandtwo wrote:

He feels left out. The last single bro of the pack. He's being left behind and is jealous and resentful of you and the other significant others. Why do they have SOs and I don't? What do they see in the bros but not me?

That type of self hate and angst that just spills out and hits everyone else.

He needs to do some soul searching and figure things out before he alienates his entire friend group and ends up completely alone.

A few weeks later, OP shared another update.

Howdy! I wasn't honestly planning to update but a friend sent me several videos of my posts being read on the lovely TikTok and asked if it was "the situation". We laughed about it and she said I should tell the internet the conclusion. About two weeks after the last post my husband (Derek for the sake of the post) joined a discord call with the game night friends as he saw Brian wasn't in it.

They were playing for a few hours then Sam asked if he wanted to hear what went down, Husband said sure and got me to come in and listen (he knows about the posts and also said to tell you guys). Basically Sam and a second friend, Mitchell went over to Brian's place to check on him after he ignored calls and texts for a few days after the game night.

Brian did eventually let them in and they said his apartment was very, very, nasty. Like just covered in takeout containers and old drinks and such. They tried to sit Brian down and ask if he was okay or if they needed to call someone. Brian then, started crying and not making much sense.

Saying that "Derek is never going to forgive me" and "that b- (me) made me seem like an AH when she could have just shared." And "she (me) always takes him (husband) away". He kept just, rambling hurtful things about me I guess and Sam and Mitch didn't feel I needed to hear the worst of it. Sam and Mitch then very quickly put together that Brian had a massive crush on my husband.

Mitch tried to explain to him that his crush didn't really matter, Derek and I had been together for years and his behavior is getting out of hand and they (the whole group) don't condone how he is acting. Brian then stopped crying and yelled at them to get out. They wanted to try to help him but, it is his apartment so there wasn't much to do.

Now if that wasn't enough, Sam managed to get Brian's moms phone number. They went to school together and Sams mom still had it. He wanted to "just make sure he did all he could" so he wanted to tell his mom to check up on him. He gave her the run down of how Brian had been acting and to quote Sam, she said "Well. She could have just cooked for him. She was already in the kitchen he was right to get upset."

So they group didn't know what to do at that point. No one wanted Brian at their houses, and no one wanted to go back to his house. They debated a wellness check but hadn't decided. Before anything else could be done, Brian sent all the group chats, discord servers and everything a long message.

The message basically said that they were all jerks for not supporting him, that they had abandoned him, and he hopes they are all miserable in their lives. Then he left all the chats. No one has heard from him since, no one has really sought contact either. Sam did call his mom one more time bit went to voice-mail so he is assuming he is being ignored or blocked.

They were going to reach out to tell Derek but they wanted to let everyone's emotions cool off first.

They also tried to piece together when the crush on Derek came from, as Brian was always very "I'm so straight" but no one had noticed anything.

The best I could recall was Brian always was sitting next to Derek but I honestly never thought much of it. For whatever it is worth, my husband had dated men and according to him, Brian never so much as danced with him or touched him when they used to go out as group.

Anyways, my husband is happy to be able to comfortably talk to them all again. Game night to scheduled for the weekend, I'm going to going out with some of the other partners of the guys. They reached out to see if I was okay after everything so I'm hoping we can become friends lol.

Now some quick Q and A from comments I saw everywhere.

The ramen is a local brand, I don't want to share my location with the internet especially since the posts got shared a lot.

The Ramen Isshin one commenter shared is very close though if that helps. No I didn't immediately post online. It was like 10:30, 11 pm when I got home during game night, all my friends were sleeping and I just needed to vent. I'll add some more answers if I see more questions but, have a good night internet!

Commenters had a lot to say.

imachillin wrote:

Love it when the trash walks itself out the door…took long enough! And just wow on the mom.

b-tch-i-dont-care wrote:

Sounds like the only person who will have Brian is his mommy. The crush not being obvious makes total sense to me though, Brian sounds like he is DEEP in the closet. He's probably full-on in love with Derek, but so in denial / self-hating he can't express it in any way (except getting jealous of you I guess).

Environmental_Exit19 wrote:

"She was in the kitchen" made me scoff/laugh. The audacity.

Utah-Cyan wrote:

You know what is worse than and entitled neck beard incel type, a closeted one. Total b-ches. And not the fabulous type of b-ch. I had a friend from college that was like that with me. Knew I was bi and fairly out. Knew I had no issues with getting with friends. Kept it all bottled up. Then when he finds out I'm serious with a girl he gets all b-chy with her and me.

I'm like dude, you could of shot you're shot. You're not my type, but you know I generally don't care about looks like others. But I'm with someone now. He then said some hurtful biphobic s-t and I've never talked to him since.

Hungry_Bee6535 wrote:

Maybe the “ramen” he was referring to was your husband all along. He also want a taste of the “ramen” you’ve been eating, he wanted you to share the “ramen” that you enjoy eating. I hope someday Brian will find his own “ramen” that he will enjoy eating. Lol.

Iwishyouwell2024 wrote:

Where I live, there's a restaurant that also makes divine ramen. The recipe is roughly like this: RAMEN BROTH RECIPE Pork trotter Water INSTRUCTIONS Simmer on low heat for 14 hours until it turns a milky color. Strain the bones and impurities with a fine sieve.

TOPPING OPTIONS Soft-boiled egg Blanched Chinese cabbage Blanched bean sprouts Naruto (fish cake) Hydrated wakame seaweed CHASHU RECIPE Cut the pork collar and tie it with twine into a cylinder shape. Brush with soy sauce and hondashi to taste. Wrap the pork collar in culinary plastic wrap and steam in a bain-marie for 1 and a half hours. Let it cool for 2 hours and slice thinly.