'AITA for not giving my estranged father's wife the money he sent me?'
"AITA for not giving my estranged father's wife the money he sent me?"
My father wasn't in my (21f) life growing up. He left mom and me when I was 2 and refused to pay child support. He quit his job when he was tracked down for support and he spent time in jail rather than pay.
Eventually mom stopped fighting because it was going nowhere. She felt like it was wasting resources chasing after him when it was obvious he was going to avoid it however he could.
A couple of years ago he moved about an hour away and I saw him for the first time since a court appearance when I was 8. We didn't speak either of those times but it surprised me that he came back.
I found out he was married and had more kids from my paternal aunt. He'd reached out to her and wanted to reconnect and she told him where to go. She was always pretty disgusted he walked away like he did and refused to support me financially.
In December my aunt told me he went to her house and left something for me there. I asked her what it was and she had no idea but she said it was in an envelope. I opened it and it was a check. And it was a big one too.
I tried giving it to my mom but she told me to keep it and he owed me. That he abandoned me. And it was the least I deserved. I tried telling her she deserved it more but she wouldn't even entertain the idea. So after confirming it was legit I lodged it into my account.
Then his wife came looking for the money by going to my aunt's house for me. My aunt made her leave and I wasn't even there but she showed up a few days later when I was there and she demanded the money.
She said it was money that was meant to go on her kids. That he had no right to drain their accounts for me. I told her it wasn't my problem and my aunt threatened to call the cops.
She showed up at my aunts house again a few days after and my aunt followed through and called the cops. But apparently this woman left the message that I was selfish and entitled and I stole it from her kids. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Her kids have beeeen supported by that deadbeat all their lives as she DGAF whether you were dead or alive or if you had food to eat or clothes to wear. That's all the back child support that deadbeat owes you like your mom said.
You are entitled to that money and did not steal anything from anyone. Keep calling the cops every time she shows up. She chose to marry and have kids with a deadbeat who ghosted his own child for 19 years. Karma has finally found her address. NTA.
NTA - If she had a legitimate claim to the money she could make it through the courts. She’s harassing you because she probably doesn’t. Save the money for your future, he gave it to you so it belongs to you.
Well, to be fair, even if it was her money that was deposited on her saving account and he found a way to get to that money even though his name wasn't on the account: she would still have no legitimate claim to the money. What's his is hers and what's hers is his: you can't legally steal from your spouse.
NTA. This is the child support he owes you. He was a deadbeat that didn’t pay child support. This money was the child support he missed. She can take it up with her husband. You did nothing wrong. Also, don’t you dare give that money back. You deserve that money.
Don’t respond to this woman at all. If she continues to pester you about it, get a restraining order. You owe her nothing.
NTA. Not your monkey, not your circus. Your absent dad is definitely TA for you, and it seems like he's being TA to his current family as well. But you are no less entitled to that money than they are, and his current wife isn't entitled to harass you or his sister over an issue she has with him.
You aunt was right to involve the police, and she should do it again if it happens again. Take your mom out for a nice dinner, and then use the money in whatever way is best for you.
If she has a problem with it, tell her to go track down the deadbeat that gave it to you, but if she doesn’t stop harassing you and your family members, you’ll file a restraining order against her. She’s nothing to you and you owe her nothing, certainly not your peace of mind or the money he chose to give you.
Make sure your bank account is secured and password protected as well as your credit history. There’s no telling what crazy people will try when it comes to money. It’s yours, freely given, and she can pound sand if she doesn’t like it. NTA. Stay strong.
NTA. I have no idea nor do you what the dynamic is between him and his wife. I have no idea nor do you how much money is really going to her and the kids. Take him at his word the money was earmarked for you and mom, so it’s your money that’s it. No idea if she’s just trying to rip you and your mom off.
Move along nothing to see here. Unless you want to reach out to him and ask him directly, which actually would be the thing to do. is he really trying to make amends? Is he on the outs with his current family and just trying to get back in touch and in your good graces? But that’s your choice if you wanna find out or just enjoy the money.