'AITA for not letting my girlfriend have a movie night with our male colleague?' + UPDATE
"AITA for not letting my girlfriend have a movie night with our male colleague?"
Hi I think I am going insane over this, and I want to hear what you all think about this. Me (21M) and my girlfriend (20F) have been together since I was 16 and she 15, and we have been inseparable since then well... until now.
We work at the same company and have done so for about 2 years now, we even work in the same section. So lately she have been getting closer to our colleague male (40) and I have not seen a problem with this since he's 40?
But recently they have wanted to hang out after work separately from me and our other friends. Things they do is just go for a walk, run or hikes which normally take around 40 mins to an hour which is normal i guess?
But now my girlfriend wants to have a movie night at his house, and they are going to watch the latest fast and furious movie. (I asked to join but they need to be alone because they are going to talk about friends stuff) She said they were like best girlfriends.
At first I thought ok that's fine I guess because again he is 40?! But now after the fact I'm starting to worry that they are getting a little to close. Am I going crazy or is this something male and girl friends do normally?
I don't really have any experience in just that coz I don't really have any girl friends that i am that close with except my girlfriend. So please I need some advise or just outside views on this.
EDIT: I would like to add some details.
First: She is acting just like normal to me loving, caring and overall like the girl I fell in love with.
Second: This may seem a little bit arrogant but if I may self glaze a little, I am 6,4" blonde, fit from going to the gym for 5 years, love cooking, traveling, and hanging with friends and family.
He is 5'8" bald, not really fat, but on the more out of shape side, and is kind of a "gamer" I guess, and I mean computer games. So he only has a handful of friends, and the same at work. I do not say this to bully him or belittle him in any way it's just straight facts.
Third: My girlfriend said that after meeting some of his friends at a local get together here, she said it felt weird being so much younger than everyone at that specific table that she just kept it short when she said hi to them. So if you put all this together, I can't see any reason to why I should have been suspicious earlier.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
No good can come from this. She excluding you is the answer you are looking for. You are NTAH. She is on her way out the door, she just don’t know how to tell you.
cixtrix (OP)
I'm starting to believe this as well... and the pit in my stomach is starting to brew....
He’s dating your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is emotionally cheating on you and seems to be monkey branching to him. The 40 year old wants to bang your girlfriend and it will happen movie night. Update me!
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
She actually went through with it..... Earlier today we sat down to discuss just how I felt about this whole thing and that it is "weird" for her to go alone home to him as he is effing 40?! I was very clear about my opinion about being excluded from this whole thing and that it is not alright for me to feel like I am "third wheeling" my own relationship.
Her answer.... "I did not take you for such an insecure man after 5 years together" Honestly this kinda broke me... How is it ok for her to just set my feelings aside with a comment like that?
I must admit i am absolutely not the best with expressing my feelings in this kind of way and it feels very uncomfortable for me to open up like that to someone even if we have been together for years, and I can kinda see why when rhat was her response...
After that one little comment it really sank in that she actually don't care about me anymore...The rest of the conversation went down hill from there on, I started to accuse her for cheating, she started throwing a effing fit about how dared I accuse her of things like that after 5 years together how didn't I trust her...
After about 20 minutes of this I was honestly broken down. So i just walked out, didn't say anything just walked, I was out for about 30 minutes just to try and clear my head from this whole conversation.
When I came back she was waiting for me with just one question "do you think I have cheated on you?" I said yes I really do. And then I think I did something stupid... I showed her my first post to get my point across even more that the things I'm feeling and thinking about is the all around opinion in the comments.
She was stunned and silent for a bit and I think she actually kinda saw why I felt the way i did. Her response after that? "I must go the 40 year old is waiting to start the movie and I think we should have a small break from each other.
She went right to him after our fight.... What did it do? I went to my father at his work and actually cried in his arms for the first time in probably 15 years...And now I'm at home in bed and have talked to my landlord and she is very understanding and she said that I can take my name from the lease anytime I want.
What now? I'm in my bed feeling totally empty, numb, sick, furious. And to be honest I went kinda of the hook when I came back from my dad, I threw some stuff on the floor actually cut the networking cable in the wall as she is maintaining a blog that she is very passionate about. I won't link it so don't even ask as I don't want to give that POS more activity on it...
This update went probably just the way people expected it to do, so I hope people is happy my relationship is probably 100% over to spare me in the future. But please how can I come out on top on this?
I have to see both on Monday when we get to work? I don't think I can handle this so please advice is more than welcome! I might do another update later on if I can mentally go through this again as per now I literally can't handle it i am mentally breaking down as I am writing this.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
The fact she went to him after your argument speaks volumes.
I have a strong feeling she was already cheating anyway. Op did the right thing confronting her and her reaction proves it.
She had two options. let him down putting your feelings first or let you down putting his feelings first…she clearly values his happiness more than yours. NTA.
Saying she wanted to be on a break before going alone to his house says a lot. She will feel like she can mess around with him because y'all are “on a break so it’s not cheating”.
This is a lot of information referencing a lot of comments that I am not seeing. First glance is that this is a major red flag. A 20 year old girl hanging out alone with a 40 year old dude is not normal friend stuff. This guy has intentions with your girl whether she sees it or not.