'AITA for not taking my ex-husband back after he left me for a 'boss babe'?'
"AITA for not taking my ex-husband back after he left me for a 'boss babe'?"
We were together 7 years, married for 5. Things felt perfect — we laughed, shared dreams, built a life. A couple years in, we got married and had a son (4M). He stayed home during the pandemic while I worked remotely in marketing.
After COVID settled down, I encouraged him to go finish his degree in software engineering, which he did — with my full support. He started working at a big tech company downtown, thanks to his friend Chad (33M).
Once he started making good money, things shifted. He told me I should consider working less and staying home with our son full time. I loved my job and declined. But after months of pressure, I compromised.
I stepped down to part-time and became the main parent while he chased “opportunities.” He started staying late at work, going on "tech conferences," and hanging with new friends. He pulled away emotionally and physically. Our marriage became cold.
I later learned he was dating a partner at his firm — a wealthy, high-powered “girlboss” who drove a Tesla and promised to "elevate his mindset." He said she inspired him more than I ever could. He called me “boring,” “domesticated,” and “low-vibration.”
Then he told me he wanted a divorce. I begged him to reconsider. Therapy? A break? No. He told me he wanted freedom. He told me I was holding him back, and that she showed him a better life.
Then, casually, he said I could keep our son — he was too busy anyway. I was devastated. But I picked up the pieces. Got therapy. Focused on my son. Rebuilt my freelance work. Found peace.
Fast forward to last week — he calls me sobbing. His “boss babe” dumped him for someone higher up.
Turns out she never saw him as long-term.
Now he wants to come back. Says he misses the lunches I packed, the way I reminded him of dentist appointments, and the little “good luck” texts before his presentations. Says I “held him down in a good way.”
I told him I missed the man I married, not who he became. I said no.
He cried, said he made a mistake, and that he was manipulated. I said, “You still made the choice.”
Now I’m getting messages from his family saying I’m cruel. That he was vulnerable, seduced, and that I should forgive. His mom wants an intervention this weekend “for the family.” I’ll go. But I’m not changing my answer. So — AITA for refusing to take him back?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You are a placeholder, not a girlfriend. You were there before he found someone seemingly better in his eyes. When it didin't work out, he hopes you will still be there till he finds the next woman he thinks is an improvement.
You're not a job, where he should seek a promotion from. You're a woman, and a partner. In the future, don't settle in for someone else's image of a relationship you don't agree with. But after this relationship, I don't worry that you will.
Wait, this post looks like a swapped gender of another one, "am i the AH for not taking back my wife after she left me for an alpha male?"
NTA. You have moved on. He showed you who he was, and thought he had a better deal so dropped you in a second. Now he has been humbled and is willing to settle for second best. I would never trust him again, he not only lied, cheated, took you for granted, disrespected you and left you, but he was an absolute AH about it. You are much better off without him. Good riddance, looks like the trash took itself out.
NTA. Your ex-husband left you for someone else and treated you badly, and now wants to return after things went wrong with his new partner. It's completely understandable that you don’t want to take him back, especially after rebuilding your life and prioritizing your son. His actions don’t deserve forgiveness, and the pressure from his family is unfair. You’re choosing to value yourself and your peace, which is not cruel.
Nope, NTA. He left you, insulted you, ditched your kid, and only came back when life slapped him. You moved on, healed, and owe him nothing. Letting someone back in just because they regret their mess isn’t love — it’s self-sabotage.
I wouldn't go, but if you do then take a couple family or friends so they can't gang up on you. NTA. I'd say that it's funny that he only regretted his decision when he got dumped. The reasons he gave for missing you, was you doing stuff for him. You sacrificed your job for him and he sacrificed his family in return as some sort of appreciation.
You aren't a second choice, a back-up plan. He decided that you aren't the excitement that he wants, how do you know that you aren't just a placeholder. Anyway, get some people together and talk everything out so that they can step in when his family is getting too much.
Tell them all, in no uncertain terms, to @^*! off, that he is an adult who made his decisions, and that actions have consequences, and that the mess he made of his life and the loss of his wife and child are 100% his fault and are irreversible. He doesn't get to be a husband and father when the mood hits.
You are either all in or all out, and after bailing, he will never be all in again. Tell them that they are making excuses for him because they are biased, but that if this happened to one of them, they would NEVER let that spouse back into their lives.
And as for ex husband, the only response he should get is laughter and the sound of a click as you hang up (I am sad that modern phones do not click when you disconnect) NTA, and tell them all to go to hell.