'AITA for not telling husband he could get a form notarized instead of going with me to get our baby’s passport?'
"AITA for not telling my husband he could get a form notarized instead of going with me in person to get our baby’s passport?"
My husband thinks I should have told him that there was an option to get a notarized consent form instead of asking him to come with me to the post office to apply for our baby's passport in person.
He said I "hid" the fact from him and disrespected and wasted his time; that I should have at least given him the option to do the consent form. He found out it was an option after 20 min of both of us waiting in line at the post office for our noon application appointment. There were still 3 applicants ahead of us (meaning at least 30-40 min wait) since the appointments were backed up.
He found out because the lady behind us asked if both parents needed to be present and I said "yes, or you could get a notarized form from the dad." After my husband found out he instantly got really angry that I knew this information and didn't tell him. I explained that it didn't even cross my mind as we are together and both local. I didn't know that the wait would be so long even with an appointment.
For context this was our second time at the post office because the first time we didn't have an appt and the line was so long we left and made an appt to come back. It's my first time applying in person and I didn't know that many people would be applying for a passport at any given time.
Husband thinks I should apologize for not telling him about the notary option. Looking back, that would have been the way to go given that it's been so difficult coordinating times with him to go (he's been dragging his feet on this because he doesn't care to go on any international trips anytime soon and I do, which is another issue).
He's very protective about his time, especially on weekdays and mid-day events as it "interrupts his flow." Meanwhile I think it's crazy that he feels so entitled to me mentioning the notary option. I'm annoyed at him for being such a maniac about this. Had I known it was going to be like this I would have told him, but I didn't know.
He called me "negligent" for not knowing that these things take a long time. I told him the passport process is his responsibility too, but he thinks that since I'll be waiting in line anyway, I should have respected his time and made it as quick as possible for him by giving him the notary option so he doesn't have to go and interrupt his day to come in person.
So now he said he'll do the notarized form on HIS TIMING "I'll do it when I do it and I don't want you asking me about it" and then I have to go back a third time AGAIN on my own to apply for the passport. I think we should have just waited and finished the task; the argument + getting the notarized form + going back is going to take way more time than if we had just waited. AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
___unloved__ wrote:
NTA. He's an adult, why didn't he do his own research? Furthermore, I despise people who use the term "disrespectful" for every damn thing. Sir, you were inconvenienced, not disrespected.
Now he's "punishing" you by deliberately not filling out the form and insisting you go back again? Idk why you need the passport, but I hope it's so you can get away from this controlling, narcissistic moron.
AlPinups wrote:
NTA. It seems like your husband thinks his time is more valuable than yours, and the fact that he seemingly left the post office when he was already there and had an appointment rather than just wait a bit longer and get it over with, and is now holding this form over you about schedule and you having to go back yourself a 3rd time - his behaviour is pretty lacking.
Reasonable-Sale8611 wrote:
So, it's okay to waste your time but his time is really important? That said, applying for children's passports is always a huge pain. Even if you make an appointment, they always seem to be running late, and the locations are not kid-friendly. Then in a few years you have to do the whole thing all over again. Ugh.
Tiny-Adhesiveness287 wrote:
NTA- tell him next time you’ll send him with a notarized form from YOU. Having a uterus doesn’t make you the defacto person to do every unpleasant chore associated with parenthood JFC.
Armadillo_of_doom wrote:
Does he legit think that the line and wait at a notary is somehow magically going to be shorter? So what, we should just have mom go to TWO appointments for this stuff to save him the pain of going to one...and he'd still need to go to one anyhow. Because you KNOW he isn't going to do it by himself. "Don't ask me about it" be so FFR right now. The DRAMA of this dude.
Notaries also aren't cheap, my guy.
He's controlling you and wasting your time so you can't leave the country with the baby. Also "my flow?" you're a PARENT you don't GET a flow.
Edit to add: You aren't negligent for not telling him stuff. He's a grown ass adult and you aren't his paid secretary. He could EASILY have figured it out on his own. Tell him there's this magical thing called a smartphone and google. NTA.
Dense-Passion-2729 wrote:
NTA he’s just as capable as googling this as you are. Did you decide together that you’d take on this task or did it get defaulted to you? If it was defaulted then he’s the negligent one, not you.
Having just done this it’s an annoying process to make copies, get all the documents together, make the appt and then go to the appt with a toddler.
How about he goes back with your kid and a notarized form for you since it was his idea to walk out.
PruneEuphoric7621 wrote:
NTA. Your husband is, though. Does he always berate you and blame you when he is inconvenienced? The simplest way to get a child’s passport is with both parents present. Doing it with one parent and the notarized form is not necessarily faster or easier.