'AITA for yelling that I have nothing to do with my ex's unborn child because I am not the mother?'
"AITA for yelling that I have nothing to do with my ex's unborn child because I am not the mother?"
I (25f) was in an on and off again casual relationship with Jeremy (27m) for over 4 years. What I mean by that is we were never seriously dating but we were exclusive. So no sleeping with others and that wasn't because we were planning to be together at the end but to reduce the risk of STDs or pregnancies and paternity questioning.
I had met his family a few times. They liked me but I wasn't around them very much. Kinda the point of being casual and everything. Feelings did develop near the end of our on and off again period and we broke up for real for 6 months.
He told me he didn't want it to end. I wasn't sure he was serious enough about making a serious relationship work. I told him that. I was open to one but some of his actions made me doubt.
Four months ago he came to me and told me he had worked on himself and he was ready to be a true partner. We talked it out and we got back together for real this time. I spent some time around his family this time and we talked about the future and our goals.
Two months into our serious relationship his ex (from before the start of our original relationship) announced she was pregnant and that the two of them had slept together while he and I were broken up for the 6 month period.
He didn't deny it but he said he didn't want her. It was blowing off steam one weekend and how he was still committed to me and there would be nobody else ever because I was it for him. I told him I didn't want to be involved in a baby thing. That he was having a kid and I wasn't and I was out.
Since that point, he has repeatedly tried to get me to change my mind. The mother of his child has tried to talk to me so she can yell about how unfair it is. And his family have begged me to come back, that they love me and never liked her and how he and the baby need me and they need me and they don't want to be left dealing with the actual mother and how good of a mom I would be.
I was blocking people all over the place. But in the end I lost my temper and I set up a group chat with all of them on a different number and yelled in a voice message that I am not the mother of my ex's unborn child and therefore I have nothing to do with this baby or the situation and I won't take him back, I won't have anything to do with this and if telling them all in one place needed to happen then here it was.
I stayed in the group for a few hours before growing tired of the mother of the child being outraged that I would speak to her like that, where my ex was pleading and saying I couldn't dump him when he didn't cheat and his family saying how unfair I was being and how needed I was.
Now I kind of regret doing it because I wonder if they'll actually leave me alone or if they will still look for ways to contact me and that they might be even more pissy than before. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Totally NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Just go no contact with everyone at this point.
NTA. You're not responsible for cleaning up someone else's mess just because they suddenly decided you'd be the "better option." You set a boundary... stick to it. Let them deal with the consequences of their choices.
NTA girl would be playing mother while the bio mom is out living her best life, the dad is still acting like he don’t have a child and the family would be gaslighting you about how you need to step up more and be more involved. I am glad you saved yourself the headache. Do not go back.
Ezzilyxi (OP)
Exactly. Besides even if I was just his partner I can imagine there'd be some drama with the ex and that would be a headache alone that I never want to deal with.
They are out of their minds if they expect you to take care of your ex and another person's child. He messed up and it's not your fault or your problem. NTA. They can all go to hell.
Absolutely NTA and what is wrong with his family? Telling you what an amazing mother you'd be? That baby has a mother and it's not you, absolutely wild that they're hoping you'll just what? Swoop in and take over as mommy because they don't like the actual mother?
I don't really understand why his ex is pissed at you though, surely she should be happy you're stepping away so he can focus on his child? Whatever the case these people are all freaking nuts and you're far better off without them in your life.
Ezzilyxi (OP)
I think there's a few things at play with her. The fact he wants to be with me still. The fact his attention is more on me and getting me back. Plus she seems to know his family likes me more. It could even be the fact I was there in the first place and then chose to leave.
But her issues with me were wild considering I'm not in the picture now. I took myself out of it. That baby will have some experiences with all these adults around them. I feel bad for the child who'll be put in the middle.
NTA. His actions have consequences. He had sex with his ex, that then resulted in a pregnancy, why would you want anything to do with that mess?! You’d be tied to that woman for life. Absolutely not.
Also, he should get a paternity test. I would laugh if it turns out the baby isn’t even his, but after his and his families behaviour you wouldn’t even get back with him if that was the case, you don’t want to deal with emotionally manipulative people.