'AITA for planning to keep money from my share of my parents apartment?'
"AITA for planning to keep money from my share of my parents apartment?"
I (24f) had a pretty crappy childhood, even tho I was never hungry, I was the unwanted child wearing second-hand clothes, and everything I owned was hand-me-downs.
My last memory of my father was when I was around 6 or 7, my parents were screaming at each other and that was the last time I saw my father. My mother already had a new partner, and not long after giving birth to the long-awaited son - he got everything: name-brand clothes, new phones and even if my parents wanted to say no, he cried and still got what he wanted.
Today, I live in a rental apartment in Tallinn (Estonia) and my mother sometimes calls me.
I sometimes visit if I want to see my friends still in my hometown.
Quite recently, my brother (17) told me that our mother and his father bought a house, they are going to sell the apartment and even tho most of the money from selling the place will go to renovating the house, they will buy him a car (BMW!!!) for 18th birthday!
I pretended that I was happy for him, not his fault he was spoiled. (It hurt me, I never got even a new bicycle). A few weeks later my mother called me and told me she was sad to inform me that my father had passed away quite some time ago.
She wanted to contact him about selling the apartment and found out that he is no longer with us, his sister will send the death certificate from Finland - his home country he went back. (No wonder I never found anything about him.)
My mother found a buyer for the apartment and when she sent the death certificate to the notary they informed her that there was a will made by him leaving everything he owned in Estonia to me! (They did not inform me before, as they had no information about death.)
Suddenly I owned 50% of my parent's apartment, as they got it together way before I was born. Mother explained to me, that I should gift my share to her, as he paid no child support and she raised me alone! (Which is not even true, my step-father was there my whole life.)
I told her, that I might use my share as a downpayment for my own home in Tallinn. Suddenly both my brother and mother are mad at me. When I pointed out that my brother bragged about a car my mother explained to me how I am an adult now living my own life, and I should not expect my parent's support at the age of 24! When she was my age she was completely independent.
Taking 50% would mean they can't even finish all the renovations they started in the house. My brother keeps sending me messages that I am selfish and don't care that it was his home too. They are really mad at me. I am not asking for advice, I will take my 50%, I am asking if that makes me an A. AITA?
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
When I arrived to home there was a message from the notary that the handwritten will (Will as attachment) my mother sent him is not legal anymore, as those have to renewed every 6 months.
Long story short - it does sound like my father scammed my mother to avoid child support and give the apartment to me! Turns out he made handwritten will in 2006 that he will leave the whole apartment he bought while marriage to my mother and it should cover child support.
Few months later he made a will in notary that he will leave his part of apartment to me (In marriage it is automatically 50-50). Turns out that anyone can make a new will any time they want. I still don't change my mind... so AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
This is your money, not hers. You aren't taking it from her, she is trying to steal it from you. What was she going to do if you're father was still alive, she'd have to pay that 50% to him.
And that line about your dad never paying child support...child support is for the kid, not the parent. Poor planning on her part is not your problem. And your brother not getting a beemer, boo-effing-hoo. Do not give them one red cent. NTA.
Common-Growth-6333 (OP)
I think she would used the same logic - as he never paid child support he should give up his share. Arguing with a dead person is hard tho.
He should give up his share.. to you. And he did. Even if you think of this money as child support, it would still be yours. It would be compensation for the bike, car and new clothes you never had.
She’s telling you he never paid child support. Are you sure that’s true? And are you sure your mother never knew where he went? She never once mentioned the country he was from? I somehow think your mother may not be the most truthful person…
And, even if he was a deadbeat dad that didn’t pay child support and never thought of you again (unlikely due to his will… why would he leave you anything if he didn’t have to?) then you need to understand that child support is FOR THE CHILD, not the parent. This is your inheritance.
Common-Growth-6333 (OP)
I have no idea if he paid or not, can't really check it out either. I have no idea why he never contacted me, I try to get in touch with my aunt. I assumed he still lives in Estonia, I knew he was from Finland, but I did not know that he went back.
NTA. And I like your baller approach to this - I don't care what you all think.
Common-Growth-6333 (OP)
Well, the rules are clear - no asking for advice.
I still feel kinda bad tho.
NTA. There's literally no way that you give her the money. She showed you who she was when she remarried and treated you badly in comparison to your brother. She is going to do the same thing now.
People hardly change and if they do they almost never change for the right reasons. Don't let her bully you. Don't let her intimidate you. If she keeps harassing you for the money, hire a lawyer and get a restraining order. Best of luck.