'AITA for my reaction to my wife giving our twin sons true crime-related names?'
"AITA for my reaction to my wife giving our twin sons true crime-related names?"
My wife has a slightly irritating true crime hobby. It’s one of those hobbies we keep separate from our relationship. For the most part, she’s normal about it and knows when to bring it up. I’m only reminded of it when she’s around another “aficionado.”
We had twins earlier this year. There were some negotiations about the names. I know at the end of the day, she’s the one doing the hard work and has the final say, but she was inclined to eccentric, potentially life-ruining names that I had to talk her out of. One day she came to me with two surprisingly ordinary names.
And named separately, no one would bat an eye at either one. In fact, no one batted an eye until recently. We were visiting family and she was showing off the kids when my sister-in-law (brother’s wife) took me aside and said “Are you serious? You named your twins after *them?*” I had no idea, I hadn’t made the connection until that moment.
When I got home, I confronted her and demanded we change the names. She said it was just coincidence and that maybe subconsciously, she paired the names, but the names are common, and changing them would be a hassle and draw even more attention to it in the first place.
I said we can simply explain we hadn’t made the connection at the time and decided to change it as soon as we realized. After all, my sister-in-law already said something! She won't budge and I find it concerning. AITA?
Edit: The names are Dylan and Eric.
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.
Far_Quantity_133 wrote:
NTA. Sure, Dylan and Eric are perfectly normal names, but the fact she wants to name them after the murderers makes them very weird. Why on earth would you want to honor mass sh--ters with your babies’ names??? No way in hell would I allow this.
OP responded:
She swears it’s just a coincidence but I’m having trouble believing her. If it was just a coincidence, she should agree to change them.
Kimchilover30 wrote:
Honestly I would lose respect for my spouse if they named my children after m*rderers. A hobby is one thing this is real life. Not a tv show she can't separate from reality.
kelpieconundrum wrote:
I didn’t make the connection and had to look to the comments. I think it’s genuinely possible that lots of people won’t, that your wife was really just subconsciously pairing them together, and that most people who are not true crime “aficionados.”
(which, personally, I find extremely ghoulish but that’s a whole other thing) won’t automatically connect them. There have been a lot of school shootings in the meantime, after all.
But. People who know your wife’s interest might squint at it (case in point) and more importantly—the names are tainted now. Even if they were innocently chosen, every time you pair them you’ll be thinking about a massacre. It’s odd that your wife doesn’t mind the association, and it’s unfair to your kids. Change at least one of their names, and better both. NTA.
Mystchelle wrote:
I asked my husband, who is not at all into true crime, "if someone named their kids Dylan and Eric, would that mean anything to you?" And he looked at me like I had sprouted a second head and asked why the F someone would name their kids after the columbine shooters.
I gave him no context other than the question. It's likely that no one their age will make the connection but there are plenty of people around who will--including parents of their future friends.
reluctantseahorse wrote:
I almost don’t believe you. Like, my brain can’t comprehend than anyone would do such a stupid thing. I read a story here some years ago about a woman naming her kid Charles Manson, and really thought nobody would make the connection. What? This isn’t AITA territory. I’d say this is just about as sick as you can get when naming your kids.
If this is real, you need to change their names asap.
This isn’t just a “true crime” fandom thing. If you are blissfully unaware, I caution you to learn their biographies. They destroyed their families. Might as well name your kids Cain and Abel.
Hungry-Book wrote:
I mean, Dylan and Eric are fine names. But did she choose those names to connect them to the sh--ters? First AND middle name?
OP responded:
No, the middle names are after each of our fathers, but does that matter? No one knows the Columbine culprits' middle names unless they’re deep into that, but even normal people can recognize the first names.
if-ckinhatered420 wrote:
NTA and you should be worried. Even if the names themselves aren’t the biggest issue the fact that she would name your kids after school sh--ters kind of speaks to the influences they’ll be exposed to and their expectations in life. If the genders were switched it would give INSANE red flags.
YearOneTeach wrote:
"When I got home, I confronted her and demanded we change the names. She said it was just coincidence and that maybe subconsciously, she paired the names, but the names are common, and changing them would be a hassle and draw even more attention to it in the first place. "
INFO: Why are you so sure she did this on purpose, and named them specifically after the shooters? She said it was a coincidence. Did she try to name them other names that were the names of true crime murderers?
Did she give them the same middle names? I'll admit I recognized Dylan and Eric immediately as the names of the Columbine sh--ters, but I also read Dave Cullen's Columbine and did an extensive project on it.
If she proposed eccentric names before that weren't true crime related, I would be inclined to believe this wasn't necessarily intentional. Most people are not going to immediately peg Dylan and Eric as the Columbine shooters. It happened a long time ago, and most people remember the general story, not the names of the people responsible.
OP responded:
There’s no way she doesn’t know. She’s into true crime especially from the 90s and it’s too much of a coincidence to pair those specific names together.