'AITA for refusing to attend my BFF’s wedding after she replaced me as MOH because I’m 'too fat?'

"AITA for refusing to attend my best friend’s wedding after she replaced me as MOH because I’m 'too fat' (I’m pregnant) and asking her to pay me back for everything?"

I (27F) have been best friends with “Claire” (28F) since high school. When she asked me to be her Maid of Honor, I was thrilled and went all out to make her wedding special. I paid for the bridal shower, bachelorette party (a weekend trip), decorations, and other expenses, spending several thousand dollars.

While it was a lot of money for my husband and me, I wanted to make her big day perfect because she’s like family to me.

Two months ago, I shared that I’m 4 months pregnant. Claire congratulated me but started acting distant afterward.

She excluded me from conversations about the wedding and made passive comments about how “hard it is to coordinate” when people are “distracted.” I brushed it off, thinking it was wedding stress. A few days ago, she sat me down and told me she didn’t want me in the wedding anymore. Her reason? I’m “getting too fat,” and she doesn’t want me in the pictures.

She said she has a specific “vision” for her wedding, and I no longer fit it. I was devastated. I asked if this was about my pregnancy, but she insisted it wasn’t personal. She said she was replacing me as MOH with another friend who fit her “aesthetic.” I told her if I wasn’t in the wedding, I wouldn’t attend at all.

I also handed her the receipts for everything I’d paid for and told her she or her fiancé needed to reimburse me since I’d only spent that money as her MOH. Claire flipped out, calling me selfish and accusing me of trying to ruin her wedding. She said it was “tacky” to ask for the money back and that expenses like these were “my responsibility as MOH.”

I reminded her that she removed me from that role, so those expenses were no longer mine. Since then, Claire, her fiancé, and even her family have been spamming me with calls and texts. They’re accusing me of being petty and overreacting because of “pregnancy hormones.”

They’re also saying I should’ve just let it go and written off the money because weddings are stressful, and Claire didn’t mean to hurt me. My husband has been incredibly supportive and says I did the right thing. He’s furious at how Claire treated me and agrees that I shouldn’t be out thousands of dollars for a wedding I’m not part of.

I feel heartbroken and humiliated by someone I thought was my best friend. Still, the constant backlash has made me second-guess myself. AITA for standing up for myself and asking for reimbursement? Should I have just quietly stepped aside?

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

StAlvis wrote:

NTA.

"She said it was “tacky” to ask for the money back. She didn’t want me in the wedding anymore. Her reason? I’m “getting too fat,” and she doesn’t want me in the pictures." Bruh.

OP responded:

It sounds like a big joke, I didn't think stuff like this actually happened irl and I never expected it from her.

Ducky818 wrote:

NTA. Glad your husband has your back. Both of you can enjoy some quiet time instead of Clare's "aesthetic."

You shouldn't be out thousands of $ but you are now out 1 friend.

Unfortunately, she has picked photos over a friendship. I see no problem asking for reimbursement for the money you spent in a role you got fired from. If need be, file in small claims court (& be petty and do it before the wedding) to recoup your money. Pregnancy hormones have nothing to do with this.

Of course you're "over-reacting" cuz they want you to believe it really isn't a big deal and you should let it go. Translation = they don't have the funds to repay you. If Clare didn't mean to hurt you, she wouldn't have done what she did and she would apologize profusely. Neither of those happened cuz she's not really a friend. Just remember...photos first!

ETA: Since folks are wondering if this can even be taken to small claims court. Anybody can sue in small claims court for just about anything. OP may not get her money back but it sure would be a PITA for the bride.

Pretty-Tax-4618 wrote:

NTA and I wouldn't be calling her a friend.

OP responded:

It's just hard when she completely changed out of nowhere, I have never seen this side of her before.

Chilling_Storm wrote:

NTA and I hope you get your money back. What a selfish myopic person Claire is regarding this wedding. Her vision has clouded the actual reasoning behind the wedding/reception, and that is to celebrate with family and friends the union of two people. It isn't a vision board or a movie production. It is those we love and care about, tall, short, fat, thin, wrinkles and pregnancy ALL OF IT.

Those are the people who choose to spend their money and their time to celebrate the union. If Claire doesn't understand that, then Claire is far too immature to be getting married. Poo on her for kicking you out of her pinterest wedding. She should have cardboard cut outs of those she think fit her vision rather than real life people.

EmceeSuzy wrote:

Of course you are NTA but I was prepared to suggest that you should have graciously covered the expenses and walked away. But SCREW THAT. She had the gall to call you names after your request and her family got involved? You should continue to request reimbursement from the bride and also from any of her relatives who dare to suggest you are wrong.

Jazzlike_Property692 wrote:

NTA. "Claire" sounds like an absolute garbage person and I hope you cut ties with her forever. Unfortunately, you didn't really have to front the money for the things you paid for, and since they're effectively gifts you aren't truly entitled to the money back.

I hope you continue to bug the hell out of her to try to get it anyway, because you do deserve it, but I wouldn't expect to actually receive it. Good luck with the new baby!

sandwiched_in_life wrote:

I'm sorry your ex-friend turned out to be such a dick. You are beautiful in pregnancy, and she doesn't deserve to ever meet the beautiful baby that will come. Take her to small claims court for reimbursement of your expenses; she deserves nothing less. PS. If you can, please update us.