'AITA for refusing to baby proof the house and lock my cats outside during my party?' UPDATED 2X.
"AITAH for refusing to baby proof the house and lock my cats outside during Xmas party?"
So Xmas is coming and my work place is brimming with lights and ideas of who should hold Xmas party this year. Since it is a small company 1 small house would be enough. I happen to have a pool in my backyard and just invested in a bbq.
They all ask me if I could hold party this year and I said yes with 2 conditions: First, this will be adult only party and second: we will have bbq with prawns and other normal bbq stuff, meats are always welcome.
Everyone agreed and some just ask if I could cook the prawns separately since they are allergic, no problem, I am more than happy to assist with that to make sure noone would go the hospital.
One coworker just came back from maternity leave last week after 6 months and she was very adamant to come to the party, she sent an email to all of us asking if she could bring her 3 children with her to the party, one reply with the old email stating my conditions to host.
She was not happy to say the least. In the last few days, she has been talking to others including the boss and persuading them to talk to me, and they did. My boss asked me to be flexible and because she just came back we should not cut her out like that, she was there while we talked and asked me to baby proof the house, because her oldest child is suffering some type of illness that he cannot sit still.
And also she is allergic to cats so I should wipe the whole house off cat hair and lock them outside until the party is done. According to her if each of us pay some attention to the children there would be no problem, the youngest will stay by her side
I straight up said no, I will would not baby proof the house, and I would NEVER lock my cats outside for any reason. I told her and the boss that she should not join the party since there would be alcohols, and hot bbq, also the pool would be dangerous to children without supervision.
I made it clear that I agreed to hold the party because everyone agreed with my terms, if anyone is unhappy with that, they are more than welcome to hold the party at their place, I will not complain. She stormed out of the boss office with tears in her eyes.
Some people told me to keep the office peaceful by just going along with her demand only for a few hours. I refused, I really don't care if anyone decided to not show up that day. If there are less people, then more alcohols for me, no biggie!
Now my boss decided to reevaluate the situation and sent an email asking if anyone else volunteered to hold the party, I was not included in that email I found out through a work friend. I did not say anything and ignore it, people have been replying by email to each other without me and no solution.
Yesterday, she came in with her baby and try to show me, I don't like any type of kid so I asked her to leave my table and continued to work, she took offenses and left for the whole day, her workload fell back on us since we all thought she would comeback, but as of right now, she comes and goes as she pleases because her there would always be something with...the babies.
People are telling me to stop being an ah and just give her what she wants, because being a mother of 3 is no small job and she deserves a break too. To be honest, I almost laugh out loud hearing that. Still people insisted that I was the AH in this situation. So AITAH?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
HappySparklyUnicorn said:
I would speak to your boss and tell him to host or hire a venue and cancel having it at your place. It's doesn't seem very productive to have a work event at your home (despite it being a small business) unless your the boss and even then there's a possibility of something happening or something going missing.
kstev1994 said:
Nope. She could either follow my conditions or not come, period. Her kids are not your problem. I would lock her outside before locking my cats out, lol.
Live2sk888 said:
It's bad enough to ask you to allow the kids AND rearrange your house for them, but then to suggest that everyone should take turns watching the kids? Hell no! Your boss should pay for a sitter for this lady's kids if she is so concerned about making sure she can come. And definitely no to putting your cats in potential danger.
Mehitabel9 said:
Nope. NTA. "Sorry, but it's clear that my home is not suitable for the staff's needs, so I will be happy to step back and let someone else host." Your boss is an idiot, btw.
ocean_deep1980 said:
NTA. At this point you need to write an email stating that you hosting the party this year is causing unnecessary disturbance in the office so you are stepping down to give a chance to someone else who is more able to provide to the needs of everyone else and you will be happy to attend and help out with anything needed.
Whoever wants to accommodate this nonsense entitled behavior can step up , no one will do it but at least it will stop them from pestering you.
MistressFuzzylegs said:
NTA. What an outrageous demand to make of others. And at this point, I would withdraw the offer to host. She chose to be a parent; you don’t owe her a break at your own (and your cats’) expense.
UPDATE:
Today we received this message from her. Because many asked for feed back, I will just put a screenshot here. I am not asking for verdict, just an update. I guess I will post the content of the email here, names will be changed with xxx. I have not responded, and don't have any intention to reply.
Good Sunday to you. I think I should email you guys after church today to let you know about the current situation that we are all in. As you know I have been asking to join the Christmas party but some of you think it was a joke. I do want to come, I have been on leave for so long, is it too much to ask for some free time to catch up with you guys?
It is not very Christian of you to not help out a single mom. To avoid any further confusion, I will hold the company Christmas party at my house, it is not big and does not have a "pool" but will be great honor to have you all at my place for the party.
You all know that I am the mom of three beautiful angels xxxx, xxxx, and xxxx I am not in a position to spend a lot of fund on a party, I am asking all of you to find love in your hearts to help us with cleaning up our hour before and after the party.
Also please bring your own dish to the party, we will all enjoy the variety of food from your country. We do have strict food guidelines to make sure my angels don't get bad experience, so please no sea food, no junk food, we all want something that stem from loving hearts.
Xxxxx really loves egg, xxxx is good with steak, and xxxxxx will just have my Godly mother milk for now. And before you say anything, I do know someone is already up for host but I do think it is very selfish of you to make it so hard for a single mom like me to attend.
You don't know how hard it is to be a single mom at all. Before I last went into labor I asked Laurie to have a short praying time where you would pray to God for Sunny's health, and I knew some did not do that.
I did not ask for much, just ten short minutes but some of you refused. I am so disappointed by the lack of hospitality we single mom should receive. You know my children will grow up and take care of y'all in the future, they will work and their tax money comes back to take care of you in the future. The younger generation are lacking of the moral compass to have children, and that responsibility fell on us Mom.
May God shine his love! Thank you Xxx
Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:
IGotOneEye said:
I would laugh my a%s off reading that email if I was sent that. I’m gonna be straight up, being a parent involves making sacrifices. She’d be better off skipping this company party.
I’m not sure where you work but in my office our Christmas parties aren’t meant for children to come to… It’s weird that your job just can’t book a restaurant or some other venue on the cheap and instead expects you to host in your house.
Brompton_Cocktail said:
Not very Christian of her to have three children out of wedlock and then judge /project onto everyone else.
wlfwrtr said:
Sounds like she expects everyone to clean her house along with the babysitting she has already she expects everyone to do. Now she wants someone to provide steaks for everyone because one of her kids likes steaks. I'd nope out of that party real quick and wouldn't be quiet if asked why. House cleaning, babysitting, steak, think she's the only one who'll be enjoying the party.
unlovelyladybartleby said:
Please please please report her to HR for her unprompted discussion of her "godly mother's milk." Please.
MoonGladeLadyBug said:
That mom has shown a new level of entitlement. Wow! The audacity is impressive. May the universe serve the mom an enormous dose of reality this holiday season, and may the karma gods find a way for OP to see it. Amen.
One-Awareness3671 said:
As a single parent to 3 children and 2 under the age of 2, I’m cringing reading this email. She’s on some pity party. On behalf of single mothers out there, I categorically state that she does not remotely represent us.
TheFallenDeathLord said:
Good for you. I find it funny how you were the first option, then when you said no to cathering to those crazy demands they tried other options, and when nobody proposed alternaties you went up to be the first option again.
UPDATE #2:
This will be the last update because I quit today. My co-worker came to work at noon because one of her children was sick, she also had the youngest with her. She started by changing diaper right on her desk, the stench left us nauseous. Someone told her we had a bathroom, with baby changing stand, she ignored the person and proceed with parading the child across the office while leaving dirty diaper on her desk. I decided to tell her about it, in case she did not notice.
She told me (again) a baby hater like me would not understand the joy of having babies, and should not be fussy because it would be the closet for me to be near baby. I told her about the diaper again, and stated it was really hot, and the air-conditioner was on full blast, the smell spread though the office, it was just unbearable. We decided to move to the canteen outside, we can work remote as long as there is internet connection.
When we came back about 2 hours later after receiving an email from our boss to go back to the office , she already cleaned up the mess, but of course her eyes were filled with tears, my boss were standing next to her, patting her on the back. Boss started telling us she filed a formal complain, she felt discriminated and humiliated because everyone treated her like a disease or something.
No one said a word, but me. I informed the boss about the incident that forced us to move out of office. Boss was taken aback a bit but still said we must understand the situation because (again) she is a single mom, and it is hard for her, and instead of complaining we should just...help her with cleaning up. Everyone just looked at each other in confusion.
I asked why should WE have to clean up after my colleague, boss said this was a small company, and people should treat each other like family. I lost my word. She cried again in the background with the baby yelling in the carriage. Some said sorry to her, I did not. I just tried to get back to work. It quieted down for like 1 hour, then I received email about boss would like to talk to me.
When I walked in, she was already there. She then told me she would like to talk about the HOSTILE WORKING ENVIRONMENT that I created since few week ago, because of the Xmas party I was about to host discriminated against her and her children. I said everything was fine until she came back to work, and she seemed to have a party where everyone had to follow her children to make sure they were ok. Boss did not say a word.
She asked me how could I talked about her angels with such hateful tone, and finally, told me she uninviting me from the party at her house and all, she also said she would file a restraining order to keep me away from her children. I laughed so hard, telling her it was not the first time I told her to NOT bring children to office. Boss proceeding with asking us to calm down, and said no one approved the idea of going to her place, and my house was still the destination of the party.
According to the email that I was not included, no one wanted her to hold the party. They acknowledged it is only a few weeks to the holiday and venues were simply not up for grab. Boss house is far away like 1 hour drive, and her mom has dementia, so her house is not a good fit.
The mom lost it, she decided it was a good time to tell me to go to hell, and told me someday she hoped the cats would eat my flesh because I would die in the house and noone knew. I told her that was not very Xtian of her to wish death upon others. It was my bad since she unloaded a tirade of preaching words. I stood there, trying to hold my laugh. But then the boss interfered. Boss said we will reconsider the location to hold the party. She walked out of the room, picked up her kid, and left.
This was where it got to the "I quit" part. Boss told me she (the co-worker) was having a hard time because her children were having problems, the first one could not sit still, the 2nd one was diagnosed with autism, and bringing her to church did not solve problem, and now the father of the 3rd one was proven to be not the father, also, each of them has a different father. I was hilarious listening to my boss. I asked what was those info got to do with me holding the party?
Boss told me the co-worker deserved more respect being mom of special need children and that she did not want to let the colleague go despite the fact she was there for 1/2 day everyday from when she came back. Boss was scared that financial burden would add more to coworker stressful life, and asked me again if I could rethink my decision to include her in the party.
And there it was, I stood up, offered to shake her hand one last time, and said I quit, I did not wait, stepped outside, took my laptop and handed it to the IT guy, collected all my cat pics and walked out. That was the best feeling, I knew full well that I would struggle until I find new job, but I could not stand this bs anymore. I wish my coworker the best working with this lady, and no party would be held at my house, now I am sipping wine and typing this long post. Cheers and happy whatever holiday it is to you all!
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PsychologicalBit5422 said:
The main part of this for me was her Christian values being forced on everyone. She who has 3 children with different fathers one of whom is up in the air apparently. I know that happens, I have no personal problems with that, but do not force values you do not adhere to on other people. It's like being a forceful vegan and sneaking of for a burger every week.
Purplefaerie1981 said:
Good on you! If people come to my place, they are aware that my cats and dogs and a confused elderly kangaroo are residents, the cats are indoor only, the dogs mostly indoors and the kangaroo just comes inside when the mower is being used. I’m glad you’re free of the toxicity and religious crap, stay well and I hope your next workplace is much much better for you!
NatashOverWorld said:
Honestly, I'd be wondering if your ex-Boss was sleeping with her. They've gone to a ridiculous extent of disrupting the workspace for her. Congrats on getting out of that hot mess of a workplace.
anxious_dinosaurs said:
Congrats on your new found freedom. I'm happy to hear you left that horrific environment. Unfortunately your ex-boss is clearly never going to do anything about this and I wouldn't be surprised if they begin to lose more actually productive staff members. All the best for your and your kitties' future.