'AITA for rolling my eyes during a serious discussion my bio 'parents' wanted to have with me?'

"AITA for rolling my eyes during a serious discussion my grandparents' son and sons wife wanted to have with me?"

So clarity is that my grandparent's son and his wife are my biological parents. But I (17m) have been raised by my grandparents since birth and do not recognize their son or his wife as my parents. Biological parents if I have to be honest about it but my parents are my grandparents to me. But I call them both grandparents and parents depending on the situation.

My biological parents had me in their mid 20s but they "weren't ready to be parents" and asked my grandparents to raise me at the last minute, like 2 days before I was born last minute. They (my biological parents) actually walked out of the hospital and just left me there. Called my grandparents first but they were gone by the time my grandparents got there.

I grew up around my paternal family minus my parents. I didn't "meet" them until earlier this year. I'm close to aunts and uncles who are more like siblings in some ways but also like aunts and uncles. Cousins I'm close to as well. My grandparents are my favorite people though and I'm SO glad they raised me. They were amazing grandparents turned parents again.

About a year and a half ago my biological parents returned and told the family they had kids. My grandparents didn't push me to interact or meet any of them so I stayed out of it. My grandparents only interacted twice. My biological parents chased after them to be more involved but my grandparents said no.

The extended family didn't see them often either even though my biological parents really tried to act like it was all one big family around them again. The discussion of inheritance and wills came up and my biological parents wanted to know if their kids had been added as equal grandkids and they said they heard I was being treated like a kid and why the hell was that happening.

I was no more their kid than the other grandkids and I shouldn't take priority as a grandkid either since I was one of the oldest. I didn't need anything. My grandparents kicked them out and told them to get lost (in their more mature nature). This brought my biological parents to me and asking to have a serious talk and them blaming me for my grandparents not wanting to know their kids better.

I rolled my eyes when they brought it up and it pissed them off and I just shut the door on them and my grandparents were outraged they approached me for the first time ever to shame me for their decisions that were not mine. But then my grandpa's brother was saying they had a point and that caused a fight between my grandparents and him and made me question stuff. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

coolranchpuffs wrote:

So…your bio parents vanish and miss your entire childhood, leaving you in the (thankfully great) care of your grandparents, only to reappear 17 years later to sniff out potential inheritance money.

Got it. NTA.

OP responded:

Yep. Although it almost feels like they came back to make sure I wasn't getting anything because that horrified and outraged them more than anything. Like my grandparents didn't raise me since the day I was born.

NobodysPerfectTen wrote:

NTA.

Your biological parents feel threatened because you being treated as your grandparents' child rather than their grandchild means that there is one more child to share in the inheritance.

Based on what you're saying, it sounds like your biological parents are anticipating an equitable distribution of your grandparents wealth when they finally pass on. Frankly, in your biological parents' place, I'd worry more about being left out of the will completely. That's what your grandparents should do.

First, they decided they weren't ready to be parents, so they dumped you onto their grandparents. Which is disgusting enough.

"Oh, gee. It's like, I'm not ready to be a mommy/daddy now. It's like, such a bummer. So, I think I'll just dump this kid on my parents and let them take care of the kid."

Ready or not, you are a parent. This is not a responsibility you can just pawn off on something else.

Compounding their offense, when they decided they were ready, they didn't bother inviting you back into the fold.

They just made more kids and left you where you are. If my parents did that to me, I would tell them in no uncertain terms that they are dead to me, and have no right to even speak to me, much less discuss inheritance. Your parents are greedy, selfish and immature. Like I said, in your grandparents' place, I would ensure they inherit nothing.

OP responded:

Yep. I think they expected my grandparents to leave me out of any inheritance/will. Almost like they want me punished for being born before they were ready. It's such a weird way to behave. It's the fact they waited for the very last minute and really had no backup plan if my grandparents said no.

I would have become a foster kid for a while at birth if they'd pulled that stunt without my grandparents saying they'd raise me. And who knows what would have happened. I know babies get settled faster but I know it doesn't always happen that way unfortunately. One of my uncles suggested before that he thinks I'll get my biological father's share instead of him.

Missanth wrote:

NTA because your biological parents have no business coming to you after 17 years and asking you for anything. But you need to have a serious talk with your grandparents. They need to see a lawyer and have ironclad wills. Don't bring up who will get what. Frankly, that's not your business.

It's 100% your grandparents' choice. It doesn't matter who is a kid, who is a grandkid, etc. It only matters what your grandparents choose to give to each person. But it would help you out immensely and eliminate a lot of fighting and drama from your life if your grandparents get their wishes down on paper and make sure that there are no loopholes, no mistakes.

That means hiring a lawyer to write it. This is the only way to make sure that your grandparents' assets will go to who your grandparents want the assets to go to.

Tell your grandparents things like you love them and appreciate them, and you want their wishes to be honored. Tell them that you don't want to fight with your biological parents, so they have to have wills that will not allow any discussion or debate.

OP responded:

My grandparents already have wills. They had them before I was born and they update their wills every year or two. It's a big deal to them and sometimes I have heard the funniest arguments about additions to the wills.

vozimeyatul wrote:

NTA. You’ve been raised by your grandparents your whole life, and your biological parents pretty much abandoned you. It’s incredibly unfair for them to come back now, act like they deserve equal treatment, and then blame you for the choices your grandparents made.

You rolled your eyes because their behavior is completely out of line, and they don’t get to swoop in years later and guilt-trip you. Your grandparents clearly love you and have your back, and your biological parents’ entitlement doesn’t change that. You didn’t ask for any of this, it’s all on them.