'AITA for supporting kicking out our temporary roommate because of what her parents did?'

"AITA for supporting kicking out our temporary roommate because of what her parents did?"

I live with 2 other girls in a 3bhk, which is owned by my parents. I've known these girls since college and we're all close. They both pay rent directly to my parents but we don't have a formal agreement in place because we've always been chill.

Last Wednesday one of my friends (Sofia) asked if a colleague of hers (let's call her Ava) can stay with us for a few weeks as she's running short on cash and her parents live a few hours away, and she needs a place to stay, we agreed that she can stay and only pay for utilities and no rent is required as such.

Now us girls (3 of us) usually stay in on Saturday night and drink/smoke watch a couple of movies, the basic stuff. Ava asked to join in, we said sure no problem, didn't even ask for any contribution for food/drinks etc., but she got super drunk, we got her to sofia's bed to sleep it off and came back to the living room.

In the meantime apparently she didn't sleep and called her parents crying over everything that has been happening in her life, her parents got very angry that she consumed alcohol (we didn't know they were conservative) and asked to speak the 'sl*ts' she was living with and Ava handed over the phone to Sofia.

They called her a bunch of names including a sl*t, someone who should be ashamed of being a woman because she drinks, she'll go to hell, that she brings disgrace to her parents and stuff like that. They also said that as long as Ava is living here we have to 'behave' and not try to spoil their daughter, which also means no alcohol or boys or anything (the level of entitlement).

Soph started crying post that, given that both her parents are highly orthodox as well and condemn her life choices frequently. Maybe that's what Soph and Ava bonded over idk. Anyway, next afternoon all 3 of us decided that Ava living here wouldn't work out and told her the same, we didn't force her or give a deadline for moving out, just said to find a new place.

Not even 10 mins later she came and handed over her phone to Sofia to talk to her dad as he was angry and wanted to talk to her.

I took the phone from Ava and told her dad off, given that we were going to allow her to live here for weeks without even rent and now he's the one to be blamed that his daughter is getting kicked out. I also said a bunch of stuff about his colorful vocabulary the last night and what it says about him as a man.

Ava did move out Sunday night and showed up in the office on Monday, but she has been cold towards Sofia and told a bunch of their colleagues that Sofia kicked her out. Now I feel maybe I could've helped Ava by just shutting up maybe. AITA?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

Disastrous-Soup7951 wrote:

Seems like she's got really sh#$ty ab#$ive parents that she can't stand up to. Which is not that surprising if you've had sh#$ty ab#$ive parents. You've not said anything much about Ava's opinion on her parents and their demands? Did she say anything at all? Did she agree you should cater to her parents whims? Seems she just kind of crumpled and said nothing.

None of this is your duty to sort out, but if it were me I might have just said to Ava "Look, this is how we live and as far as we're concerned you are allowed to drink etc in our house if you want. If your parents don't like it, that's none of their business. You can stay if you want but we won't be adjusting to your parents demands and we won't be speaking to them again."

OP responded:

We didn't talk much, as I said we didn't have any idea how her family was. The rest of the ordeal lasted only like 12 hours and was a rush so I don't know her opinion. But you know what, I'll maybe ask Sofia to sort things out and ask Ava if she wants to move in again, and quote the statement you just wrote here.

Pisces_Princess444 wrote:

Not even a little bit — NTA. In fact, you're a good friend for standing up for Sofia and setting boundaries. You opened your home out of kindness, didn’t charge rent, included Ava in your plans, and defended your friend when some random grown-ass man thought it was okay to call you all sl*ts like he’s stuck in the 1800s.

That’s not just out of line — that’s disgusting. And you're 100% right — why the hell are people like this so entitled?

He blamed you for his own daughter’s decisions, just because it’s easier than facing the fact that maybe his worldview is toxic and outdated.

Nobody forced Ava to drink. She’s an adult, not some puppet. The fact that he thinks he can call and demand how you live in your own home — that you were letting her stay in for basically free — is wild. You didn’t kick Ava out because she got drunk or because of a mistake.

You made the call after her parents harassed your friend, insulted all of you, and then doubled down with more entitlement. You were protecting your space, your peace, and your people. That’s not being an a-hole — that’s being a loyal a$$ friend with a solid backbone. Honestly, if Ava really cared or had any decency, she would’ve apologized for how her parents acted and stood up for you the way you did for Sofia.

Instead, she’s being cold and lying to coworkers like she wasn’t given a huge favor and then let it go to hell. You sound like someone I’d want in my corner. You didn’t need to shut up — you spoke up when it mattered, and that takes guts. You're not the problem. He is. She is, kinda. But you? You're the real one.

OP responded:

Thank you for this!

knittingneedles321 wrote:

NTA. Sofia needs to practice saying "The owners of the property decided Ava continuing to stay there wasn't possible due to her having her parents verbally berate and insult the other people living there, creating a hostile living environment " and then changing the subject.

OP responded:

I'm screenshotting this and sending it to her. Thanks!

Whatever3563 wrote:

NTA. Why on earth does she hand over the phone! Like, if my parents were yelling like that there’s no way I’d actually force someone else to speak to them. I’d deal with their anger myself, or I’d hang up.

I don’t really know what she thought would happen by doing that. She needs to grow up and set better boundaries with her parents. You guys tried to help her out, but it’s clearly not a good fit. I just hope things don’t suck for Sofia at work if she’s just telling people she was kicked out.

lemon_charlie wrote:

NTA. Ava asked to join in, when she hadn't told you about her parents. Even if you did know, being expected to change your whole lifestyle around one temporary and non-paying guest is unreasonable.

sherijeanberla wrote:

I don't understand why anyone took the phone call in the first place. Just hang up. They live hours away and have no business engaging in any of this. No is a complete sentence. She could have stayed and just kept that to herself. Grownups need to be grown up. Am I missing something here?

Big_Wave9732 wrote:

What are we doing here, OP? Ava's problems aren't yours. And if Ava had been allowed to stay, she and her parents would have made a world of problems for all of you. I feel for Ava.

She needs to stand up to her parents. Also sounds like she needs to see a therapist and work through some things. But you can't make it her do it. And there's no reason to shatter your own peaceful home life either. Sometimes you have to save yourself. NTA.