'AITA for surprising my wife with food she mentioned, but not getting what she expected?' UPDATED

"AITA for surprising my wife with food she mentioned wanting, but not getting exactly what she expected?"

My wife has mentioned in the past that she wanted to try the Krabby Patty burger and a pineapple Frosty from Wendy's. On my way home from work, I decided to surprise her.

I picked up a Krabby Patty burger, a chicken sandwich for myself, and two pineapple Frostys. I knew she was about an hour away, so I told her I had a surprise waiting for her when she got home. To keep the food fresh, I put her burger in the fridge and the Frosty in the freezer.

I even ordered the burger without lettuce, thinking I could avoid it getting soggy, and we have lettuce at home that we could add fresh. When she got home, she was excited about the Frosty and asked, "Is there a Krabby Patty burger too?" I told her to check the fridge, and that’s when things went downhill.

She got upset because the burger was cold and I didn’t get fries. She said that real "justice" would have been me waiting for her to come home so we could both get fresh food together, or at least putting my food in the fridge too, so we’d both be eating cold food.

She accused me of always expecting grand thanks for doing gestures that aren’t as big as I think they are and said I didn’t listen to her, since she wanted the full meal, not just the burger and Frosty.

She also said she’s not going to pretend to be grateful for something that wasn’t what she asked for. I was just trying to do something nice, and now I feel like my gesture was totally unappreciated. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Cultural_Section_862 wrote:

What gesture? you picked up fast food. Don't act like you sl-ved away in that drive thru. Not to mention leftover fast food is nasty. You didn't even wait to share the meal with her ffs

Yeah YTA.

Peony-Pony wrote:

I don't think you're an AH but in all fairness, who wants to eat a cold, hour old fast food hamburger. It sounds kind of gross.

FishScrumptious wrote:

I dunno, I would think something was super pissed at me if they got me a fridge-burger. Yuck!

If you're not an AH, you're certainly clueless.

pandaritosupreme wrote:

YTA. It's all a bit thoughtless and insensitive. You could have waited until she got home and took a little trip together to Wendy's and on the way had a little conversation about how your days went and then tried the food together when it was hot and fresh. These tiny shared experiences together are what accumulate into a relationship that feels satisfying and connected.

Instead you treated yourself to hot fresh food. She got NO shared experience with you; all she got was a cold sh--ty novelty fast food burger and a frosty that was messed up because it was frozen. I don't believe for one second you would buy yourself fast food and then immediately stick it in the fridge for you to eat later - why would you think that would be acceptable to her?

I get the impression that you wanted to be "thoughtful" with the least amount of inconvenience or effort possible to yourself; because it would have been so easy just to wait and go together. And if that wasn't the intent, then you gotta start working on building the empathy that allows you to see that nobody likes cold stale burgers.

LetsGetThisPartyOn wrote:

YTA. Who makes a big deal about getting fast food WHEN THEY ARE HUNGRY, eating their food and putting a cold burger in the fridge. Leftover fast food is garbage. I mean fast food is literally garbage and chemicals. Cold fast food is worse.

Who makes a big surprise out of a hour old burger and frozen drink that is undrinkable until it defrosts. You seem like the man who babysits their kids and expects a thank you for vacuuming once a month

After receiving feedback, OP shared a small update.

Update: so we talked about it and I explained that I didn't have a problem if she would have said, I appreciate the gesture but I would have liked to get it together or if we would have waited until she was home.

I told her I understood why she was upset and we both agreed that there was a better way to talk about it.

She took a bite just now and said "this is just a Dave's single with fancy sauce," so she doesn't even want it anymore hot or cold.

The comments kept coming in response.

insomniacmomof3 wrote:

YTA. You should have waited until she was near home to grab it for both of you. You ate hot food and left cold food for her, which makes it seem that you were really thinking of yourself.

BaileyAuguste wrote:

Soft YTA cuz expectations lead to disappointment. You said there was a surprise, and she got excited. Then she got gross, cold food, alone, instead of an exciting surprise. I would have trouble hiding my disappointment from my partner if they did this to me.

Eternalthursday1976 wrote:

YTA. That’s a terrible surprise. You picked up fast food which is fast and greasy and then let it sit for an hour in the fridge making it inedible. Apologize and stop expecting a standing ovation for barely making an effort.

sfzen wrote:

YTA.

I know you meant well, but picking up a fast food burger so it can sit in the fridge for an hour is a pretty awful attempt at a surprise.