'AITA for taking kids to dinner when my wife had left food out for them?'

"AITA for taking kids to dinner when my wife had left food out for them?"

I picked up my 3 and 5 year up from daycare on a night that my wife had to take our 12 year old to a practice. They were hungry when i picked them up and I knew they’d like to go to dinner instead of going home.

Once at the restaurant I saw a text from my wife that she had made them plates before she left the house. It was too late to change plans so we stayed and ate. The dinner she had made was a pretty basic, but it was dinner nonetheless.

When my wife got back home, I told her I saw her text just a few minutes too late and we ate out. She flipped out on me for “wasting her time.” I told her I didn’t intend to waste her time, but that didn’t matter. What I did was “rude.”

Am I rude for this? AITA?

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

shontsu wrote:

"What are we doing for dinner" is a discussion pretty much every family has, pretty much every day, especially once kids start doing after school activities.

If you don't currently do that, perhaps you should start.

I don't think you're an AH for not dragging your kids away from the restaurant once you were already there, but this feels a lot like you just wanted to treat your kids and didn't care about what was planned at home. It feels really off that what your wife and 12 y/o were doing for dinner never came into this whole thing.

warclonex wrote:

ESH.

No need to flip out if it was a genuine timing mistake but:

Depending on how far away from home daycare is vs how far a restaurant is from daycare... you "knowing they want to go dinner first" is a self serving excuse because home = dinner also Once at the restaurant....or once ordered? was it REALLY too late to change plans? or you were just too lazy/stubborn? (maybe not the right choice of words) to go home instead of going in to order.

Sometimes waiting for food after ordering could have been similar time to get home? Whether the dinner was "basic" or not is irrelevant but you mentioning it tells me you are further just using it as a self validating reason to say you did nothing wrong, but you kinda know you did.

SomeKindofName42 wrote:

Just admit that you wanted to go out to dinner. Everyone wants that sometimes. Just be honest and make sure the food at home gets eaten at the next meal so it doesn’t go to waste.

You should have texted wife and asked if you could bring anting home for her and 12y/o though!!!!. You saw the message while at the restaurant, you should have replied right then and offered to bring something home for the other half of the family.

KittyKittos wrote:

YTA.

She had to take care of herself and your oldest kid, and she put in extra work to make sure you and the younger kids had dinner already there for you.

You went to a restaurant, saw her text, and just didn't update her on what you were doing, let alone make sure that she had something to eat herself. "just saw this i'm sorry we're already eating at a restaurant. thank you though i really appreciate it."

What happened to the food she left out? did you take care of it when you came home? A mix up is a mix up - but you still should've acknowledged and appreciated what she did for you. And YOU should be starting a conversation on what dinner will look like on nights like this, so you are both on the same page.

Rastavaray wrote:

YTA because lack of communication. Unless it’s normal to take half the family for food without checking if everyone else has eaten/wants something.

Radiant_Maiz2315 wrote:

YTA for being like “my wife’s dinner was pretty basic,” as if that negates the time and effort she put in. Oh, I’m sorry she didn’t work all day to tickle your little culinary proclivities on a random Wednesday night. Jfc dude. And as others have noted… just communicate. Both of you. It takes 15 seconds to send a “dinner plans?” text.

CakeEatingRabbit wrote:

"They like to go out to dinner"

Who doesn't? Wouldn't your 12 year old and wife would've liked food from the restaurant?

To me it sounds like you didn't want to make dinner for the small kids and yourself, only thought about that and didn't even appreciated your wife trying to do something nice (taking care of making dinner) for you. In my family, your behaviour would definitely be seen as rude. Of course you can take out your kids...but not asking the rest of the family.

the-hound-abides wrote:

ESH. She may have overreacted, but it would have taken you 2 seconds to text your wife and tell her your plans before heading to the restaurant? Planning logistics to feed everyone constantly sucks. I get annoyed when plans change suddenly like that, especially after I’ve already begun cooking.

Sleddingdeer wrote:

You did waste her time. She had to think about it and prepare it in advance and you just thoughtlessly threw that effort away. It also runs me the wrong way that you characterize it as basic. Throwing money around makes it really easy, but if your wife just took the kids out whenever they were hungry and she didn’t feel up to it, what would happen?

Could your budget sustain it? Probably not, so not only did you waste her effort today, but you also allocated the takeout budget to help you, the person who clearly doesn’t have to deal with dinner every day. YTA.

mind_the_umlaut wrote:

YTA. This is on you to communicate about. "How should we plan for dinner tonight?" is a universal and constant question.