'WIBTA if I told my BF that his friend wants to sleep with me before he gets married?' UPDATED
"WIBTA if I told my BF that his friend wants to sleep with me before he gets married?"
Background: I'm a 25-year-old woman, and I have a 27-year-old uncle, Jimmy. When I was 19, I moved to a town for college, where my uncle lives with our older uncle. Jimmy introduced me to his childhood friends, Chad and Jafar, who were both in their senior year at university.
We all became close, and they would often invite me out for fun. Over time, Jafar expressed feelings for me and repeatedly asked me out over the next two years, but I consistently turned him down because I didn’t feel the same way. Eventually, I met another one of their childhood friends, Carter, who was working in a different town.
We hit it off, and after a year of staying in touch, we started dating. When Carter and I became official, I told Jafar about it, and though he was initially upset, he eventually moved on and started dating someone else. Now, Jafar is engaged, and we’re all thrilled for him. Carter even plans to help organize Jafars’ bachelor party.
The issue: A few days ago, while texting with Jafar, out of nowhere, he told me I had hurt him by not reciprocating his feelings in the past. Then, shockingly, he said that before he gets married, he would like to "de-flower" me (he knows I’m saving myself for marriage). He bragged about his prowess, but I declined, explaining that:
He's getting married.
I'm dating his best friend, Carter.
I don’t have feelings for him
He changed the subject after that, but I stopped responding because I was disgusted. Now, I’m torn about whether to tell my boyfriend, Carter, about this conversation. I fear that it could ruin their friendship and strain my uncle’s relationships with them both since they are all close. WIBTA if I told my boyfriend about this?
People did not hold back in the comments.
DarkNightChic wrote:
Absolutely NTA. Jafar had his chance and it's not your responsibility to keep his inappropriate and disrespectful behavior a secret. Plus, if he's willing to do this to his own friend, who knows what else he's capable of. Your honesty could potentially save someone else from being hurt.
OP responded:
Carter has been talking about his plans for Jafars' bachelor party, another reason I find it disgusting.
The Furtive_Fireball wrote:
YTA for keeping all of this hidden at all. You should have told your boyfriend immediately. Every day you keep it hidden is a betrayal.
OP responded:
I'm scared it might ruin their friendship and my uncle's friendship with him as well.
OP jumped on again to write:
A little bit of update after reading all the comments, I texted my uncle and told him all about it as I wait for Carter to get off work and he says he'll talk to Jafar and that he can't believe he would do such a thing.
imachillin wrote:
You need to tell him babe! Your BF deserves to know Jafar is NOT a friend and his fiancé needs to know what a disgusting pig he is BEFORE she marries him. NTA and please update us! Tell him babe!
OP responded:
I will talk to Carter after he gets off work and update you then but I have told my uncle about it and he just told me he'll confront Jafar about it.
Only-Main8948 wrote:
NTA, Show both your uncle and your bf. They both need to know. If I were your uncle, I'd not want to be friends with someone who talks to my relative like that (eta, or speak/behave to anyone like that tbh!). Both of them should want to cut contact. And they should be working out how to tell the fiancé too. She deserves better.
OP responded:
I haven't officially met his fiance but the guys have so they would be in a better position to tell her about it.
A day later, OP jumped on with an update.
I told Carter about what happened and showed him the texts. He was furious and couldn't believe that his best friend would do such a thing, but he was glad that I told him.
Carter confronted Jafar, who initially denied everything until he was shown the screenshots. It turns out Jafar had deleted the messages from his phone. My uncle sent the screenshots to Jafars’ fiancee, and she has decided to cancel the engagement and wedding.
When she confronted Jafar, he tried to deny it again. However, she told my uncle that she discovered he had been cheating on her after going through his phone. Apparently, Jafar wanted to "have fun" one last time before being "tied down." As of now, we are all going no contact with Jafar. Thank you, everyone, for your advice.
The comments kept coming.
Medical_Arm_3278 wrote:
NTA but you are in a possibily dangerous situation. Dude is so focused on being first, he might take advantage of you. Avoid being alone with him at any cost.
CaptDeliciousPants wrote:
Guys like Jafar only pretend to give a crap about consent. Theyre dangerous and should never be trusted.
MatchaMagpie wrote:
The happy ending here is that OP told her boyfriend, her boyfriend didn't blame her, and Jafar's fiancee dodged a major bullet. Good job!
YellowKingSte wrote:
The Earth has at least 4 BILLION different women and these "bros" wants to hookup their friend's partners. "I'm scared it might ruin their friendship." It's not a real and worth salvageable friendship if one of them wants to f the girl who their friend is dating.