'AITA for telling my BIL to stop picking on my kids or he’s not coming on vacation?'
"AITA for telling my BIL to stop picking on my kids or he’s not coming on vacation?"
I have three kids, Rob (16m), Lisa (14f), Anne (9F). Lisa is autistic, and her special interest is Taylor Swift. Rob and Anne go along with it and indulge her. They’re good kids who care and support each other and Rob and yes Anne get attention and support for their interests too.
My brother in law Hector's entire personality is trying to rile people. You know the whole “it’s just a joke bro”. Super childish but whatever “he’s family.” Except my husband is out of the country, so I guess he thinks he gets to do whatever he wants.
A few weeks ago he started needling at Lisa by making fun of Taylor Swift using lots of childish name calling words, intentionally using the wrong word for fans and stuff. Just really immature kid stuff.
Lisa knows that not everyone likes TS and some people even hate her. One of her best friends hates her. She’s not unable to hear different opinions. She has her own I’m sure she’d LOVE to share with you all if you had 4 hours to spare.
He would say “Well Swiffers did x y z” she would say “Uncle Hector it’s Swifties” and he would say it again to needle at her. Rob was in the room, I was not. Rob said to him “Why do you keep using the wrong word, she told you the right word?”
Hector said he can say whatever he wants and to “cry about it.”
Rob said “It just seems like you’re going out of your way to upset Lisa”
Rob asked her to finish what she was talking about and to ignore Hector. This is when I came into the room, and Hector waved at the kids and said “Roberta’s getting real mad that someone’s joking about mother (?)”
(I wasn’t in the room so I didn’t hear the comment about me and Rob said I wouldn't get it) Before I could say anything Rob said “Bro did you really just call me a girl’s name? Are you 12?”
I put my hands up and said okay enough, Hector, stop. He said I’m raising soft kids who can’t take a joke. I said he’s being so effing rude and that he wouldn’t be acting like this if my husband was home. I said that if he wants to still go with us to Colorado in the summer like we were planning, he has to stop NOW or he’s not coming.
This set him off and he said I had no right to do that (yes I do) and that I’m being a controlling yak over Taylor Swift. I said no, EFF Taylor Swift, this is about you being mean to your niece because her dad isn't home.
He said EFF you and good luck next time we have a problem, we’re on our own. He took his Costco chicken and left and I swear he must have immediately gone running to my MIL because she called me to ask for what really happened and sighed a lot.
I asked her if I was overreacting and she said she just hopes we can work it out because that trip was all he had to look forward to since he was laid off from work. I HATE causing drama in the family so am I the AH and I’m out of line?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Nta. You should be proud of your son for standing up for his sister. The bil does not deserve to go for being a nasty piece of work.
NTA but I'm really curious about how Anne actually felt about it. Does she know that Uncle Jerkface is joking and trying to rile her up? I'm guessing she has some really good coping skills because you don't mention her getting upset or melting down or anything. I hope her older siblings can clue her in about ways to cope with stupid teasing people like her Uncle.
NTA - Honestly, it's a little weird to me for your husband's brother to be hanging out at your house while your husband is away.
NTA! You protected your kids. Your son seems wise beyond his years and brave to stand up to a family member like that. This is a perfectly reasonable natural consequence for the uncle to face.
He has to be agreeable and kind to be invited on family vacations lol. That's not a huge stretch. I hope he can come around. I'm glad your MIL didn't like... completely take his side? But it sounds like she is a huge enabler.
You were much more civil than I would be. If that was my son and my autistic child my wife's brother was bullying, I most likely would have thrown him out of my house - through the bay window. Then, I'd need bail money, a contractor, etc...it just gets messy. Good job resisting that temptation. If your husband was home, I doubt he would have reacted the same way.
NTA. Don't bring him. Three kids on a trip is enough. You don't need a fourth. This "it's just a joke" nonsense is just an excuse for garbage people to be garbage, and continue to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. I wouldn't want someone like that on a trip with me, or around my kids.
Maybe he should worry less about looking forward to a trip and more about looking forward to being a better person. Please be assured that not tolerating piss poor behavior from a grown man isn't you starting drama.
NTA of course. Your first priority is to protect your kids from meanies like Uncle Hector, if they're disabled or not tbh. Kids (yes even older kids or your adult kids) deserve to be protected from mean people, even if they are related. If he can't behave like a normal, mature adult who doesn't rile up kids for fun than he can't go on a family trip. Sounds fair to me.
If he really wants to come he can start behave not like an AH now, stop this weird rude behaviour and make it up to them (eg. apologise sincerely). Respecting other people is not raising them soft. It's raising them to be kind people with compassion, so they don't end up like Uncle Hector.