'AITA for telling my ex's wife to mind her own business when my ex's mom gave me a birthday gift?'

"AITA for telling my ex's wife to mind her own f--king business when she confronted me in public over my ex's mom giving me a gift for my 30th birthday?"

I (30f) celebrated my birthday recently and my ex's mom stopped by to give me a very nice birthday gift. Ex and I have been divorced for 6 years but we have two kids together aged 11 and 9 so it was unexpected. I got along really well with his family when we were together and we're still friendly when we see each other but we were never close.

When ex's mom showed up with the gift she explained she wished we'd stayed in touch more and she wanted to honor the mother of her grandchildren and she wanted to show appreciation for all I've done. It was sweet and we spoke for a little while. The gift was sentimental in nature which made extra special to me.

It was a lovely gesture and I never expected it to cause any trouble but it did with my ex's wife. She confronted me in Target a week ago and started cursing and yelling at me for intruding in my ex's family. She told me the only reason ex's mom would get me a gift is because I'm trying to keep my claws in ex's family instead of accepting I'm an ex.

She demanded I give the gift to her or return it to ex's mom and refuse to accept anything in the future. I told her to leave me alone and I walked away. She approached me again as I was heading to pay. I tried to go around her but she put her hand on the cart and told me I wasn't walking away from her again and I would stop being so meddlesome and stop trying to push her out of her family.

She told me I was nasty accepting a gift from ex's mom and I had no business allowing something like that. I interrupted her when she started to attract some attention and I told her to mind her own f--king business and stay away from me because we have no reason to talk.

I paid for my stuff and left before she could confront me again. The encounter pissed me off but I was going to let it go. Then ex started texting me later in the week and he told me I needed to apologize to his wife because she's the stepmom to our kids and I shouldn't be treating her that way.

I replied that I did not appreciate her behavior toward me in public and I would not be replying further. He told me I just needed to apologize and I was out of order treating her like she was wrong to have her own feelings on this. He said I had damaged the co-parenting relationship between myself and them.

I know I could have ignored her. But I know apologizing won't fix anything because I still have and wear the gift, which was a mother charm bracelet. Ex's wife will insist I need to return or dispose of it to let this go. And I don't think I'm wrong for accepting it. I can accept I may have been wrong for speaking to her that way though. So AITA?

The internet had a lot to say.

lapsteelguitar wrote:

She's allowed to have her feelings. What she is not allowed to do is tell OP what she will, and will not, do. I have to wonder why your ex's wife is feeling so insecure, what is happening in that relationship. You having a positive relationship with your kids grandparents is a boon for all concerned, mainly your kids. Don't let her disrupt that. NTA.

do2g wrote:

How is any of this your fault? Ex should speak with his wife and his mom if he wants to get at the root of this problem.

NTA.

OP responded:

Clearly I'm supposed to reject anything from ex's family even conversation. Because who knows how his wife would react to seeing us talk in any kind of friendly way in public. She might have an even bigger outburst.

gandorfie wrote:

Yeah, and if that’s how the stepmom is acting I’d say you ~as the mother, and your ex ~as the father, have bigger issues on your hands. Bringing that kind of jealousy into a relationship where you share the responsibilities of raising someone else’s children is detrimental, toxic, and eventually leads to contempt/ resentment. I’d say that stepmom needs to figure out her place and stay there.

Her behavior sounds obsessive and almost as if she despises you for still having a good relationship with your ex’s family while she’s probably trying really hard to gain their approval.

Novel_Feed_9095 wrote:

NTA the ex's wife was out of line and it none of her business what his mother does. And as for your ex, he needs to grow a pair and tell her to butt out. I’m sorry you have to deal with this situation I hope you update.

OP responded:

I'm not sure there'll be much of an update on my end. But hopefully they calm down soon and stop coming at me over this.

Lobabychick wrote:

That lady is out of control. I’m positive she told a highly skewed/edited recreation to your ex. Maybe ask Target for the video and use it for a restraining order. I would let ex know you are highly concerned about his wife’s emotional stability and maybe you need to revisit the custody arrangements for your children’s safety. Just to get his attention that his wife is truly batty.

OP responded:

I've seen this suggested a few times so I'll get in touch with Target and find out if this is possible.

HarveySnake wrote:

Your ex's wife is lying to people about what happened. Frankly, if you can file a police case against her you should do so. Assault in most places is just acting in a threatening way, it doesn't require physical contact of any sort, and she crossed the line with confronting you multiple times and interfering with you leaving. NTA.

OP responded:

Where I live charges could not be pressed because of this incident but if it keeps happening something could come from it.