'AITA for telling my husband I’m done by changing our Netflix password to 'IMDONE123' and blocking him on everything before he got home?'
"AITA for telling my husband I’m done by changing our Netflix password to 'IMDONE123' and blocking him on everything before he got home?"
I (30F) have been married to Mark (34M) for six years. We dated for three before that and I really truly thought I married someone who saw me someone who heard me. Instead I’ve spent the last few years slowly becoming invisible in my own life.
Things didn’t blow up all at once. It was a slow leak a quiet unraveling. First it was the way he stopped saying “I love you” when he left for work. Then he started spending more time gaming than talking to me. Then he forgot my birthday. Twice.
I brought it up. Repeatedly. Kindly. Then desperately. He always said the same thing: You’re overthinking, You’re too emotional,You’re making problems where there are none. So I stopped talking. And he seemed relieved.
Mark is one of those people who loves to be adored but refuses to be needed. He wants me quiet, pretty, chill and available. What he doesn’t want is accountability or effort. He has all the energy in the world for Reddit arguments and Call of Duty but if I ask him to help with the dishes or talk about something real he says he’s burned out.
Burned out from what, exactly? I work full time too. I cook and I clean. I manage the bills. I keep track of family birthdays vet appointments everything. He contributes nothing emotionally and barely shows up physically. But online he’s writing essays under relationship posts like he’s a licensed therapist. His username literally has “alpha” in it.
The man who forgot our anniversary this year because he was “in the zone” during a ranked match has the nerve to tell strangers how to treat their partners. It’s almost funny if it didn’t hurt so much.
But the moment that truly broke me Last month was our anniversary. I got home from work early. I wore the dress he once said made me look like magic. I lit candles. I made his favorite meal. I tried.
He texted me ten minutes before he was supposed to be home. "Hey babe ordering wings with the boys tonight. Raincheck?" I stood in that kitchen like a punchline. In heels. With a table set for two. I didn’t cry. Not then. I just turned off the oven blew out the candles and quietly started packing.
Over the next three weeks I moved what I could into my car. Small things first. The sentimental ones. He never noticed. Too busy yelling into his headset or doomscrolling.
I found a new place. I changed my direct deposit. I got a lawyer. I waited until everything was set and then I changed the Netflix password to "IMDONE123", blocked him on everything, and left the key on the counter. I didn’t leave a note. I didn’t owe him a dramatic goodbye. He doesn’t get one last conversation to make himself the victim.
So here I am. Breathing again. Feeling my shoulders drop for the first time in years. Wondering why I waited so long. AITA for leaving this way? I mean this way, was it cruel I wonder?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
nope he had it coming. sucks to suck.
NTA you're not the AH. He had it coming with the way he treated you. Forgetting your birthday twice?? Not helping around the house at all?? Ditching you on your anniversary?? That's some next level neglect right there. You tried communicating and he brushed you off every time.
At that point what else can you even do? Sometimes you gotta put yourself first and just walk away. The Netflix password thing was a nice touch too lol. hope you're doing better now that you're free of that dead weight!
Well done. You are an inspiration. He is probably on here telling the world what a bad wife you are. Lol.
NTA, but... I missed the part where he finds out about the password. He isn't just going to magically know it... just seems... odd.
You didn’t leave in anger you left in clarity. After being ignored, dismissed, and emotionally drained for so long, you chose peace. Sometimes the cleanest break is the kind that doesn’t give someone another chance to rewrite the story. You protected your energy and that’s not something to feel guilty about.
You were the final plot twist in a story he stopped reading long ago. When someone treats you like background noise they don’t get a grand finale they get a silent exit and a password change.
Tell alpha boy if he’s reading this that he messed up and lost a good thing. NTA, obviously.
NTA. Not even remotely. Let's be honest. What you did wasn't cruel. It was a consequence. It was the direct result of years where he checked out, dismissed you, and disrespected you. He basically treated you like furniture that sometimes annoyed him by having feelings.
He ignored your words. you tried talking, kindly and desperately. He shut you down, gaslit you, called you emotional. What good would another conversation have done? It only would have given him a stage to play the victim or tell you you're overreacting again.
You gave him chance after chance, and he ignored every one, he chose this outcome. What you should do now is stop questioning whether you were too harsh and start celebrating the peace you finally gave yourself.
NTA This wasn’t cruel. This was quiet self respect you just left with your dignity. You gave him years of chances. He ignored you this is what he deserved you didn’t ghost him you just stopped haunting the life he clearly didn’t want to share.
You're not the AH. You didn’t leave out of nowhere—he ignored you for years. You gave him chances, he gave you nothing. Changing the Netflix password was just a mic drop. He earned the silence. You did what you had to do. Good on you.
NTA. It sounds like he wouldn't even notice that you were gone until he didn't get dinner or clean laundry if you hadn't changed the password or left your key.
BabyBlissJourney (OP)
This is my story it's not empowering or even inspiring. It’s just sad and real.