'AITA telling my husband he shouldn’t do matching Ken/Barbie costumes with his female coworker?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA telling my husband he shouldn’t do matching Ken/Barbie costumes with his female coworker?"

My husband has an employee with whom he works really closely, he is her boss and then she is the boss for many other of his employees in the office. They travel and spend a lot of time together. We’ve all spent time together and I am confident he’s not interested in her, and nothing is going on romantically between them.

However, their office is having a Halloween party and she is asking him to be Ken and she will be the matching Barbie. She sent him a link to the costume. She included me in the group chat about coordinating their matching costumes. I’m not invited to the party, it’s just at work during the workday. I think there is a costume competition she wants to win.

I told him privately I don’t like the optics of them being matching Ken and Barbie, when they already publicly travel and spend so much time together. His idea of fixing it was sending an email to their smaller team of 6 people, sharing the costume link and the statement “Mary and I are wearing this, y’all should consider getting it too and we can all match at the big party.”

I said instead of fixing the problem of the bad optics, he just announced to everyone, in writing, that they got matching Ken/Barbie costumes on purpose and made it worse. No optics fixed. I do acknowledge the whole office matching at the big corporate party would be cute, if the smaller team decides to invest the $50 each to match.

It’s better than of those two had just showed up at the big corporate party as matching Ken/Barbie.

Redditors jumped on with thoughts.

BeJane759 had a pressing question:

NTA. But between them traveling together, spending a lot of time together, and now her wanting them to dress as a couple…are you absolutely sure there’s nothing else going on?

And OP responded:

I’m sure. I travel with him too because it’s fun and I can do my job from anywhere. He spends all his free time with me and our kids. I don’t know if his entire office knows that I’m there on the trips though, so I think the whole picture to outsiders, especially his employees, could look iffy.

BetweenWeebandOtaku wrote:

NTA. This does seem weird. My bet is that she has a thing for your husband or at least likes the idea of having a 'work husband' and is bad at boundaries. Husband can be clueless, or mostly clueless and enjoys the attention. If he's actually cheating, he's doing it in the most stupid way possible, but that doesn't discount the possibility. Because people are often stupid.

Laines_Ecossaises wrote:

NTA. Oh boy, this is taking work-wife to the next level. Matching costumes - Yikes! It's creepy and your feelings are completely rational. Not to mention is a really stupid career move. Manager of the smaller office showing up at the corporate event in a couples costume with a direct report?

That is just announcing to people he has poor judgment. Not to mention there has to be at least one person on their team who is totally uncomfortable with this whole situation. This is a big mess that is just waiting to blow up.

awfulmcnofilter wrote:

NAH. Me and the coworker who assists me got stuck being Mr and Mrs potato head for a mandatory themed work party. His wife was much more amused than we were. It could easily just be fun.

PessaLee wrote:

NAH, but I'm a little confused. Why do you have a problem with them wearing matching costumes if you're confident there's nothing between them? Especially now that the movie has come out, where it is explicitly stated that Ken and Barbie are not a couple, not in love, and don't even end up in the same universe.

And OP answered:

Because I think it looks bad for both of them, potentially opens them up for gossip when they already spend so much time together and are assigned trips together, etc. Nothing is going on between them, and I have seen in office politics nothing has to be going on for people to talk, speculate, or jump to conclusions. I think he’s setting himself up for gossip and I’m not sure what she was thinking planning this.

The next day OP shared two updates.

FIRST UPDATE: This post got so much input and I’m grateful! :) He’s a grown man who has come really far in his career making his own decisions. I feel like I share my opinion with him and then it’s up to him. He knows his office and team and I hope he’s right that it doesn’t reflect poorly on him or her. I still think it does, but it’s not my career or my office and I’m letting it go, deferring to his judgment.

SECOND UPDATE: I tried to just defer to his judgment and let it go. We talked about it today among other topics and he said they’re the only two matching exactly, the only two in big boxes, and I realized I still think it’s a bad idea and we just can’t talk about it because I don’t respect his decision like I want to.

I told him I don’t trust her judgment or suggestions for things they should do together anymore either, after this and a couple others she has had over the years. To me it’s like a avoiding the tipping point: why make choices that could possibly move you closer to that point when there’s so much you can’t control that does, like travel together.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

PessaLee wrote:

NAH, but I'm a little confused. Why do you have a problem with them wearing matching costumes if you're confident there's nothing between them? Especially now that the movie has come out, where it is explicitly stated that Ken and Barbie are not a couple, not in love, and don't even end up in the same universe

OP responded:

Because I think it looks bad for both of them, potentially opens them up for gossip when they already spend so much time together and are assigned trips together, etc.

Nothing is going on between them, and I have seen in office politics nothing has to be going on for people to talk, speculate, or jump to conclusions. I think he’s setting himself up for gossip and I’m not sure what she was thinking planning this

[deleted] wrote:

OP, stop deferring to his opinion and demand that he not do this. Why shouldn't he do it? Because it makes you uncomfortable. That is the reason. Tell him you don't like some other woman doing publicly "couple" things with him.

She is setting the precedent that they are the company "couple." He can "defer" to you, for once. And ask yourself why he is so hellbent on doing this, when you have told him you don't want him to? Why is it more important than your feelings?

OP responded:

Thank you for your comment. I see your reasoning. I have no desire to be or act like his mother, and in this particular instance what he’s doing doesn’t directly affect me.

He’s his own person, it’s his office and career, to make this (what I think is a bad) decision. And he’s not hurting me or my feelings with it. I don’t think he wants to be with her, or making her think he does, I just think it’s a bad idea.

I have definitely put my foot down about some things as we navigated sharing life and raising children over the years. He has as well, with me! This just doesn’t feel like I am a clear stakeholder in the consequences when he’s so sure it doesn’t look bad or hurt him. In the big picture, this one part, of one day, of his life is probably not a big deal. We will see if it’s a pattern.

UniversalRefuse wrote:

I would have recommended he dress up as Barbie and make a big joke out of the mixup.

Marzipan_moth wrote:

I've had married male coworkers who were good friends, but there always has to be boundaries. I would never even consider asking them to wear what is traditionally a couple's costume, nor would they agree to it.

NaturesCreditCard wrote:

"Especially now that the movie has come out, where it is explicitly stated that Ken and Barbie are not a couple, not in love, and don't even end up in the same universe."

That's because that's the one live action movie made last year. In Barbie lore (and there is a lot of it) Ken is Barbie's boyfriend. Everyone knows this. That commenter was being incredibly disingenuous there.

beachpellini wrote:

He's either a total idiot or he likes the attention Boss Barbie shows him. Wonder how it's looking a year later.