'AITA for telling my husband we can get a new babysitter if he finds a better one for the same price?'
"AITA for telling my husband we can get a new babysitter if he finds a better one for the same price?"
My husband and I have 3 kids (10, 8, 5). We’ve had the same babysitter, Amelia (20) for almost 5 years. Amelia has filled a few different roles for us.
She was our date night sitter, then during the pandemic she was our nanny, went back to date nights, and now she gets to our house at 7:15 every morning, gets the kids out the door, drops them off at school or camp, then twice a week she babysits at night so we can run errands or get some time to ourselves.
Amelia’s “sweet spot” was 2022-2023. She had her car and license, had games and activities planned for everyone, was always on time and prepared, and was generally more available and focused. She’s still good now but doesn’t always come with crafts and activities, can be 5-10 minutes late, and more often than not orders DoorDash for herself to our house.
It’s all manageable and she still knows and loves our kids and she’s very affordable. The final straw for my husband was when Amelia told us that she had recently been diagnosed with autism and that she thinks our 8 year old should get an assessment, as they are exactly alike.
I never would’ve known Amelia is autistic but I’m definitely willing to get an assessment. My husband saw it as rude and thinks she shouldn’t have brought it up unless we asked. He thinks it’s time to get a new sitter so I told him we can get a new sitter if he can find someone just as good as Amelia for the same rate as her.
He says we can afford better than Amelia so we can spend more and get someone that will be focused on their work like Amelia used to be before she started college and got another job. I know we can afford more but I still want to stick with Amelia. AITA for telling my husband the only way we can replace Amelia is if we find someone as good as her for the same price?
The internet had lots to say in response.
fallingintopolkadots wrote:
NTA. Your husband is being too sensitive and reactionary. Amelia has been working with ya'll for 5 years and is affordable, she's discovered she's autistic, so hell, that could explain her bringing up your 8 year old and her suspicion.
Also, is your 8 year old a girl? I know autism can present differently in girls and that's one reason it's often not diagnosed until they're older. And also, there's nothing wrong with being on the autism spectrum. Knowing if your 8 year old is or is not could only help figure out how best to help them when / if needed.
slendermanismydad wrote:
"Get someone that will be focused on their work like Amelia used to be before she started college and got another job. "
You all are ridiculous. You're mad she's slightly late sometimes or doesn't have activities planned every time? She's in school and has another job. She is doing you a FAVOR. I hope she quits.
"and now she gets to our house at 7:15 every morning, gets the kids out the door, drops them off at school or camp, then twice a week she babysits at night so we can run errands or get some time to ourselves."
Your husband is an AH period and you are an AH for thinking this isn't good enough. Oh no, she orders herself food. Apparently you all don't leave her food but expect her to pay for crafts and ruin her car driving your kids around.
crazymastiff wrote:
NTA. So your husband is mad at Amelia for doing her job and bringing up potential issues where early intervention is LITERALLY life saving? And why are you angry she orders DoorDash?
fishebake wrote:
It would have saved me a lot of grief if one of the babysitters my parents used had told them they thought I was neurodivergent. I spent nearly twenty years trying to figure out what was wrong with me, only to figure out at last that it was AuDHD. I can only imagine how much easier it would have been for me if I’d been diagnosed earlier.
Redditigator wrote:
NTA. First, Amelia has been your sitter for five years. Have your kids ever had another sitter consistently? As much as Amelia likes your children, your children are probably attached to Amelia. Amelia being replaced without a conversation with them explaining it would be difficult for them.
The younger two are at an age where they may believe Amelia isn’t there because they did something wrong. They’re going to ask where she is and why she left. Your husband needs to be prepared with answers. Second, it’s very doubtful given that care that her stating a suspicion of your child being on the autism spectrum was done maliciously.
Likely, Amelia went through a hard time when she was younger due to her autism. A lot of autistic girls on the minor end of the spectrum have their diagnosis missed well into adulthood. She’s probably drawn comparisons based on her experience and may be hoping to save your child the same path she took.
Throwway_queer wrote:
Um the issue here isn't the sitter at all. It was how your husband felt a potential diagnoses, a potential for answers as to why some behavior occurs, is rude. Her saying she sees similar traits wasn't rude, it was a big heads up to a potential life changing development.
If your husband thinks it's rude then there's a chance he's going to subconsciously think less than of your child if she is correct.
If you choose to progress further with a diagnoses, please watch how your husband reacts to it all and how he treats your children. I've seen a lot of parents turn sour because their kids were Neurodivergent, even ADHD Ive seen some nasty discrimination by parents. I recommend asking him straight out why he felt that was rude.