'AITA for telling my friend to stop mentioning hot pictures my wife posts?'
"AITA for telling my friend to stop mentioning pictures my wife posts?"
I’ve got a friend who the last couple of years has turned a bit “Tatey”. He has been wronged by a couple of women in the past couple of years (one left him and got married within three months, the other st-le a lot of his money) but he seems to have a particular dislike for women selling content or just generally being confident in how they look.
That point brings me on to my wife. She’s 39 and we’ve been together since school. She’s a very fit and attractive woman and her main hobby is p-le dancing. She loves it and has been doing it for a few years. She’s really good and she loves it so much, it’s great to see her really excelling at something and being so passionate about it.
She posts a lot of pictures and video of herself p0le dancing on accounts that only friends can follow so it’s not like she does this for attention even though I’ve told her if she ever wanted to I wouldn’t mind. A few of her friends have quite big followings and sometimes when they do shows my wife is in the photos and videos and gets a lot of positive comments.
Over the weekend, I went to my friends to help him with some DIY and he asked me if I mind my wife posting what she posts. I said not at all it doesn’t bother me. He then said “you’re part of the problem. Women are getting too much ego and it’s bad enough when it’s single women but married women shouldn’t be doing that.” I told him if he’s that bothered then don’t look and unfollow her.
He said that won’t change anything and it’s the culture being created around women getting validation for their bodies or some BS like that. I got a bit wound up at this point and asked him if he’d like to ring my wife and tell her himself? He said no he was just talking to me man to man and I need to grow a backbone.
I told him I’m not the one with the backbone problem if he can’t handle a bit of flesh and gets offended by it and he’s the weak one. I ended up leaving and a few mutual friends have said that while I was right he’s going though a hard time and is a bit vulnerable to this way of thinking. I personally think that's BS and we need to tell him he’s heading down a wrong path.
Me and my friend are both 41 I forgot to mention that.
TL;DR: friend is heading down a Tate wormhole and said my wife shouldn’t be posting pictures of herself p-le dancing. I told him to grow up and not be so easily offended.
The internet had a lot of thoughts about OP's friend.
anothertypicalcmmt wrote:
NTA. Good job standing up for your wife's right to enjoy a hobby and be confident! I agree with you about letting him know you (and hopefully your other friends) don't agree with these new views he's taking on. If the people around him just let his comments go without any push back or worse, agreement, it'll only make him feel validated and justified and more comfortable with these new views.
He needs to understand that just because he's been hurt by two women, doesn't give him the okay to be a mis-gynist. Even without all that, what business is it of his what YOUR wife does anyways?
OP responded:
Exactly. My wife can do as she pleases. She’s a grown woman and I’m not jealous or possessive in anyway. I love watching her express herself and how happy she is when she shows me videos of what she’s done.
anothertypicalcmmt responded:
Pole dancing takes so much strength and skill! She should definitely be proud of the videos she makes. From what I understand, skin exposure is inevitable when ancing too, because bare skin is necessary to grip the pole. Even if she was exposing more skin just to look and feel s-xy though, it's still none of his business and an opinion he should keep to himself lol!!!
OP responded:
Yeah the more skin the better. When she first started she was self conscious and tried in t shirt and leggings but it was too hard. She got more self confident and now she’s swinging around and clinging on wearing next to nothing and is brilliant at it.
DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA wrote:
NTA.
He then said “you’re part of the problem. Women are getting too much ego and it’s bad enough when it’s single women but married women shouldn’t be doing that”
This mindset is why this man is single. OP I would be dropping this guy as a friend after this comment. Two bad apples doesn't ruin the whole apple tree.
"He said no he was just talking to me man to man and I need to grow a backbone."
What he wants you to do is be controlling and force your wife to stop a hobby she enjoys. P-le dancing isn't always seen in an inappropriate light, many people do it in an art form. Also, to clarify even if she was doing it in an inappropriate way it would still be ok because you’re fine with it. That's all that matters.
PladohsGhost wrote:
NTA.
Tater Tots should be called out every time they spew their toxic, mis-gynistic bulls--t. Going through a hard time doesn't excuse the bulls-t.
DANADIABOLIC wrote:
NTA. Good for you for sticking up for your wife and other women, even when they are not in the room. Men like this only have something to say behind a computer screen or under his breath to other people. I woulda said the same thing- SAY IT TO HER FACE THEN. These men are miserable, and will always be miserable. They are SCARED of women, let's face it.
OP responded:
He didn’t want any of that smoke lol
taorthoaita wrote:
NTA. Tell your wife so she has the option to remove him as a follower. He’s a weirdo.
OP responded:
I told her straight away. She said “right, wait till he sees my next post” she’s hasn’t posted anything since but I can’t wait to see it lol.
onlytexts wrote:
When women consistently make bad choices about men, it is women's fault. When men consistently make bad choices about women, it is still women's fault. Men are always innocent somehow.
NTA.
HelenGonne wrote:
NTA. He's not 'going through a hard time' if he's chasing that kind of thinking, because chasing that kind of thinking is manufacturing a pretend hard time out of nothing for the sake of fake drama. Any pain he's feeling is from what he's doing to himself.