'AITA for telling my GF her friend can't be 'like a brother' because they hooked up?' UPDATED

Ideally, when you get into a relationship, you'll feel an affinity for your partner's friends. But sadly, this isn't always the case.

In a popular post on Reddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his GF her friend isn't "like a brother" since they've hooked up. He wrote:

"Am I wrong for telling my gf her male friend can't be 'like a brother' to her because they hooked up?"

I've been with my gf for little under a year, and she has a male friend, I asked about their friendship and she called him "like a brother." And that was that. Yes, I was feeling a bit insecure but I let it go. Fast forward a bit, and one of her friends mention that they hooked up once. He was drunk, basically saying how secure I was for being cool with their friendship.

When me and my gf get some time, I asked her about it and she confirmed it. I told her she basically lied to me saying that he's like a brother, but she says it was a one time thing, and he's like a brother now. I mention that once you f$%k, you can't call someone "like a brother" because you don't f#$k your brothers AT ALL. (Well, at least it's not acceptable where we live).

The internet had a lot to say about the situation.

Connect_Package_5918 wrote:

Oof.

I suggest that you avoid having some long drawn out conversation with her.

She is almost certain to talk circles around you justifying it and potentially even make you feel bad for bringing it up. This isn’t about her anyways; it’s about you. Are you the type of man who exclusively dates women who keep in contact with men they’ve f#$ked? For me, this is an easy no. What about you?

Celtic_Viking47 wrote:

100% this. I had this exact situation with an ex. She hung around with a guy who was "like a brother," spoke to him daily, told him everything about our relationship and life in general. Hung out with him as much or more than she did with me. Then I found out they'd hooked up. I wasn't ok with it, and then I was the bad guy.

Suddenly she couldn't trust me, being jealous was a red flag for her, she'd known him longer so of course she'd choose him. That's when I knew it was time to walk away. Not only did she lie about it to you, which is the main factor. The question that you have to think about is - they clearly like each other enough and are attracted enough to hook up before, that feeling doesn't just disappear.

FRIKI-DIKI-TIKI wrote:

Good point on the keep it brief, the longer the conversation goes on, the more she knows you are not resolute and the more she can blame shift and manipulate the situation. Stick to the key points and the most key, is: That it was just plain disrespectful to be kept in the dark and that is grounds enough.

This will be the hardest point for her to wiggle around, with the dude she can invoke you being jealous, insecure, controlling, etc. etc. Keeping it to what she has already done to you, nullifies all those talking points. And what she has done was not give you common decency and hid material facts that would have shaped your relationship. She lied and it is over.

Rural_Banana wrote:

I don’t know. I’m a man and I had a good friend who was a woman for years. One night we got drunk and somehow hooked up. It made things super awkward between us but after a period of separation we reconnected as friends, talked about it, and moved past it. Then I met a girl and basically the same thing you are describing happened.

I didn’t call her a sister or anything but my girlfriend was suspicious that she was more than a friend, even though I only treated her as such. When I told her I slept with her once many years ago, but that we moved past it, she lost it on me and couldn’t accept her being my friend.

At that point I was deep in love with my girlfriend. She gave me an ultimatum to stop being friends with my friend, and I was forced to choose, and chose my GF. Still sad about it honestly. But anyway my point is sometimes people truly do move past it.

DreamingofRlyeh wrote:

My best friend is like a brother to me. I would no more consider hooking up with him than with any of my biological siblings, because I view him much the same.

I don't think you are wrong.

Ten days later, OP jumped on with an update.

So I had a talk with my gf once my head got cleared. I told her it felt "deceitful" to call this guy her brother. I told her that when I asked her about their friendship, that I meant if there was any romantic or sexual history. I told her I was sorry for not being clear My gf apologized too, she said that it makes sense that's what I meant. And she didn't mean to be misleading.

She just forgot about hooking up with him. She says it's just not something she associates with him anymore, she doesn't think of him as "a guy she had s*x with once," she thinks of him as her friend. But she still says she should have been clear too. She says that she only wants me and that she's sorry for the misunderstanding, I told her I was sorry for overreacting and being insecure.

The internet kept their opinions coming.

United-Army-1433 wrote:

Bro she did not forget about having sex with her friend 😂😂😂

allmindmlkrs wrote:

Bro you're coping, she lied to you and she doesn’t just casually forget that she hooked up with her friend. If you're okay with it, you're okay with it, but it’s a huge red flag that she hid it from you. Do whatever you think is best for you, but remember whatever happens is on you.

No_Organization_4495 wrote:

Dude how naive are you? You directly asked your girlfriend if they had any history, there is NO WAY she thought you weren’t referring to any past sexual relations she had with her friend. She straight up lied to you and now she got you to apologize to her about not being clear?!?!? Dude…

kaleidoscope_paradox wrote:

Let's hope she doesn't "forget" in the future.

Rufus1991 wrote:

Yeah! She seems to be a very forgetful woman. She totally forgot this friend, who is like a brother to her, had his p*nis inside her. I'm not going to do the typical thing and tell OP to cut and run but this wasn't her forgetting. She intentionally chose not to tell you? You might want to ask her "why?"

Well, it sounds like OP has made his bed, at least for now.