'AITA for telling my husband it was his choice to open our marriage and I'm not closing it?' UPDATED 3X

"AITAH for telling my husband it was his choice to open our marriage and I am not closing it."

I 40F married my husband 42M 18 years back. We have one daughter 16F and son 14M. We met in college and fell in love. My husband lost his parents in accident and as friend I consoled him and we became close. We are from same city and he lived around ten kms from my house. So we just clicked.

Our marriage has our own share of ups and downs but financially we are in good place. I own a house gifted by my parents and he inherited his parents house after their passing away. I run my own bridal boutique and make good money. He is insurance head. We have bought multiple properties and build our future together and for our children.

We also have created mutuals will, in case one parent has to pass away, his or her share of assets will go to our children only, irrespective of living parent marrying again or not. Last year my husband started distancing and I was worried. He started ignoring me, stopped getting physical etc. In end he told me, he finds me fat, ugly and he doesn't get turned on.

I was so busy in raising kids and my business that I stopped caring about it. He said he doesn't wanna destroy the family but he wants to have s-x outside marriage. He said he won't be a hypocrite and I can do same. I cried and begged but he didn't listen. After weeks of crying and self pity. I accepted this proposal. I also started working out and guys in gym started hitting on me.

I've had my share of hookups and fun. But finally I am getting along with a man who is 35. He treats me on dates and s-x is good. I also changed my dressing from traditional to more western and s-xy and have lost weight. I have nice curves too. My husband luckily or sadly didn't have such luck. He is tall and all, but he overrated his chances. He got hookups here n there.

But barely they repeated him. He thought he could woo girls with money. But girls today are independent and can't be wooed with money only. I was going on dates when my kids were at my parents and he was pissed. He said not to go. I didn't care and went. Now he is saying he wanna close this marriage and I just laughed at him. I told this is the arrangement he wanted and I am honouring it.

I am enjoying the attention these hunks give me and it's not my fault women don't want him. He started calling me names and I called him a manwh-r*. He is threatening divorce and i am fine with it because our laws favour woman more. I pointed that to him. He started crying and begging to close the marriage again. But I am refusing.

Not long after posting, OP shared two updates.

Edit - 35 M is in divorce process and our country take years to have divorce if wife isn't consenting. We are taking it slow. Our children have no idea and we are involved parents. Stop stressing about them. Also planning to get divorce when both are in college.

Edit. I had to add people who are blaming me for staying fat. Despite both working, my evenings went to teaching kids and taking care of household. He thought its woman's job to do so. He was only fun dad. In the mornings I had to prepare breakfast for all. I had house help for cleaning and dishes, but I barely had time to workout.

Now I have hired cook and kids who can take care of themselves. It gives me free time to work on myself. If he wanted a model, he could've reduced his tummy and his daily sports and helped me as well, thank you

Edit: Men in the comment section victimizing my husband. Expected. Keep barking.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

zonked282 wrote:

Has there ever been a guy who requested to open up the marriage who wasn't vastly over estimating his chances with women 😂

DiaryOfACanadian wrote:

Oof. NTA. It’s not really opening the marriage if you didn’t want, he just really wanted to cheat on you without consequences. I get the feeling that even if you didn’t agree he’d still shoot his shot with other women. But I’d go ahead and get that divorce, he doesn’t respect your opinion or care about hurting you. NTA. Move on with someone that treats you like a person.

YouMightBeARacist wrote:

ESH. He’s a douche bag, but it sucks that you only took care of your body once you wanted to attract other men. It’s sucks that he called you ugly, but you did something about it not to gain his attention back but to gain others. And for that, you’re all AHs. Poor kids.

DirtWork81 wrote:

Interesting story. I'd say NTA here. But your real marriage is now over, there will be no way to trust each other again. It's also his fault for proposing the open marriage, so NTA but with potentially bad outcomes for all involved.

Three days later, OP shared an update.

Well I realized there is no point in petty revenge. As kids were at my parents house. We discussed plans and I told him I have no love n respect for him left. Nor so I find him attractive anymore. I told him if he wanna make a tough divorce process, he will lose more as our laws are very tough on men. So let's make an easy divorce with fair division of properties where I contributed more anyways.

There were tears and begging, but I stood firm and asked for a divorce. I showed him proof and said if he ever tried to shame me in front of kids, I had his visual and text proofs with me too. So we called a truce. Next day we involved our lawyers (neighbours family friends) and draw up our property and fund division verbally. It was quite clear.

The martial house is mine. He is moving to his inherited house few kms away. We have acquired multiple properties and we will divide them on value. The savings will be divided. And we have our retirement plans. He also blurted out that he has a young widow GF. I said good luck and happy life.

We told our kids that we love them. But we are going to divorce. Ofc they were devastated. But we assured them that we are here for them forever and will co-parent. They are still upset and we will hire a therapist to make process smoother for them. Also my fwb divorce process is going and I told him about mine. He said to get serious about our relationship.

I don't know if it's love or not, but I like him and we are gonna take it slow. I want my kids to be 18 before i marry again. Note he was already in divorce process for years, even before we started hanging out. So nope I am not a home wrecker.

PS. To all the crybaby men who were crying for my husband and asking me why I didn't loose weight. Wakeup 5AM in morning, do the chores for lazy man and kids, then go to work, come evening do chores again till night and then tell me about working out. You just couldn't handle a woman giving same dose of medicine to a man.

And blamed me more and gave him very less blame. This shows your double standards. I only became fat birthing his children. Birth deso things to your body. What about his hairy tummy? Without birthing or any medical issues? I hired a cook from my personal fun money since he didn't wanna contribute for it. That's why I didn't hire her earlier as it was causing issues to our budget.

I took the hit after he called me fat and ugly. I hope your fathers and sons do same to their wives and then u can lecture me. So if you live in 1950 where wife should look s-xy, do chores, birth your kids and be available as maid. Then you are as pathetic. So f you--you are male chauvinist pigs! I don't owe you anything anyways.

Edit: Someone said my English is genz. Guess what. It's not my first language and we used whtsapp outside America we like such abbreviations. Shocking? Age isn't a factor here. I'm a business shop owner. My dealings are in local language. I studied in Hindi medium school and English is self learnt. It must be shocking for Westerners to realize world doesn't need to learn everything aspect of English.

Also deleting my account. For men and pigs: Keep seething and cope in my comment section. Women can make you cry in your game if they want. We don't because we value our family and kids. But try them and hurt them. They can best u at ur own game. Decided not to delete I'd. Trash Western men are crying in my comment section. Their tears give me joy. Keep 😭

The comments kept coming.

JAndroo wrote:

I'm a man and I have literally zero respect for men who complain about fat women or a fat partner while being a fat lazy POS themselves lol. They complain like "why don't women like gamers or men who play with legos" my guy there are men with loving partners who do that.

It's the fact you have a double standard of putting all your time into your hobbies while being out of shape while expecting a partner who is in shape.

PerfectionPending wrote:

I’ll never understand men that don’t comprehend the gap in ability to find casual s-x partners between men & women. If his wife is a female 6-7 then he needs to be a male 10 to get the same play on the casual s-x market.

And to jump to wanting to step out of the marriage rather than saying, “hey babe, let’s work on getting healthier and in shape together” is just a sign you don’t deserve that person.

teachatthebeach wrote:

As someone who was in a number of swinger and poly groups, I was constantly amazed at the contrast between women second guessing themselves and their sad self-esteem.

(I mean, there was no difference between women who were conventionally unattractive and women who were stunning), and the unbelievable confidence every cishet dude walked in with, positive that p-ssy was about to rain down upon him.

It was hilarious to me every single time that the women got so much more attention and he would just be sitting there, alone and confused, with his sad d-ck out. Every. Single. Time.

FortuneTellingBoobs wrote:

Congrats on losing about 180lbs in one day! Best wishes to your kids and to you in your new life. Your ex is probably trying to make you jealous talking about his young gf. Don't even pay it any mind. The best revenge is living well, and you're doing it!

Editor's Note: As OP alludes to, some people believed this was fake. Looking at OP's other posts (prior to her deleting the account) she was consistent in language and tone, but whether the story and events are true, I'll leave that judgement to you.