'AITA for telling my wife that I will not cover her expenses if she quit her job?"
"AITA for telling my wife that I will not cover her expenses if she quit her job?"
I (36M) have been married to my wife (34F) for five years and we have a 3 year old son together. My wife finished med school and residency program and she has been a neurology specialist for 4 years. I have a management job that pay well but my wife get paid about 30% more than me. Despite the pay gap, almost all our son's expenses are covered by me and the bills are split evenly.
Recently my wife came up to me and talked about how she feels like she spent all her adult life working on her career and has always been stressed by the work load. Now, she feels like she should get the fruits of her labor. Therefore, she wants to stop working for five years and spend her savings traveling, hiking, partying, buying her self expensive clothes etc.
I asked her if she has enough savings to cover her half of the bills and she said she doesn’t intend to cover any bills, and will use all her savings on herself, so she is basically asking me to cover all our bills and our son's expenses while she spends her money on entertainment.
I told that if she did that I will be left with almost zero savings every month basically living from check to check, she said she sees no problem in that and I can work overtime if I had to. I was shocked by her answer, It made me question if she even cares about me.
She basically has no problem making me struggle while she uses her money for entertainment so it told her that whether she stops working or not is her decision but i will not cover her half of the bills, I won't burn my self covering the expenses of someone with a high paying job while she entertains her self because I believe that is extremely unfair towards me.
I reminded her that I have been covering all our son's expenses and half of bills despite the pay gap so I have already been saving less and now she wants me to drain my saving and burn my self out so that she can entertain herself, absolutely not.
Now she is angry and ranting about how I don't appreciate her and hard work she has been doing all her life.
So, AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Bimmer9721 wrote:
My man, your wife just told you indirectly that she wants a divorce. She pretty much said I don‘t want to be married, I don’t like you very much, keep the kid but I want to go and be single. That’s about as plain it gets.
lydocia wrote:
"She wants to stop working for five years and spend her savings traveling, hiking, partying, buying her self expensive clothes etc."
She wants the life of a single person with no commitments, but she has a spouse and a child. She should go to therapy and figure out what is causing this crisis.
my2cents518 wrote:
Please tell me this is fake. People can’t really be this awful, can they? wtf?! Tell her to go pound salt! File for divorce and custody. And since she makes more than you, get alimony and child support from her.
AccomplishedChart873 wrote:
Are you included in any of these plans?
OP responded:
No, would be too busy trying to cover everything and take care of our son.
cynical_overlord1979 wrote:
NTA. Why is she not contributing anything to her son. That is REALLY STRANGE, especially when she earns more than you. How does she not buy him things (like groceries that include stuff he eats? Or daycare costs?). I’m so confused by how this even works.
She has adult responsibilities. She has a child. She cannot just stop that. I get that healthcare workers are burning out an need a break and are quitting, but 5 years of you supporting everything and her contributing nothing is not a reasonable plan.
OP responded:
She buys him minor things but I cover all his major expenses.
Noonecaresat805 wrote:
NTA. But it sounds like she plans to travel and party for 5 years leaving you at home to be a single parent. If that’s her plan you’re better off just getting divorced and going for full custody and asking for child support. This way you can plan your life that way and she can go and live the life she feels she missed out on and suffer the consequences for when she’s done living the life she wants.
DirectSoft1873 wrote:
Gotta start wondering if these stories are just people practicing writing or if dudes are this dumb. Your wife literally just told you she does not like her life and wants to change it and basically leave you and your son behind.
I’d advise her if she wants to go this route you’ll contact a family attorney and sort things out that way.
Hell if she’s abandoned you two the judge may very well award you spousal support.