'AITA for telling a new friend not to come to brunch unless she could keep it light?'
"AITA for telling a new friend not to come to brunch unless she could keep it light?"
I have had a f%ckawful week. I won't go into every unecessary detail, but suffice to say the collision of various medical, work, and relationship stressors all at once have me on my last nerve. I banged my wrist on a doorknob yesterday and sunk to the floor and cried on the spot for a half hour because I just couldn't take one more f$cksh$t thing.
I had brunch planned for today with a pretty new acquaintance. It was actually scheduled weeks ago, so I didn't anticipate what kind of shape I was gonna be in today. We've hung out a handful of times and we have a lot in common, but she has a bit of an oversharing problem.
My life sucks in the short term because right now I'm like a lightning rod for two years worth of sh%t that goes wrong to happen all at once. Her life sucks for more long-term family and mental health-related reason, which she has started going into with ever-increasing levels of morose detail.
I'll be honest: It's way too much for how little we actually know each other. And I am really not in a place to become close friends with someone who chronically does not have a modicum of their sh$t together.
But because of my current lightning rod situation, I have not been able to make a clean break. So I figured I would just get through today and then tell her I needed to take a step back when I had a crumb of dopamine to spare for that uncomfortable convo.
At like 6 am this morning she starts texting me stuff like "You are literally the only person I can trust" and "I guess I've got a week to find my own place," and "everything falls apart." Like ok relatable but also WHAT. Girl, I am not your facebook wall circa 2011.
And I'm just thinking ahead to the hour-long hardcore trauma dump session that I am about to endure, so I text her back and say hey I'm really sorry for everything you're going through right now, but I am really in no position to be anyone's emotional support rn. So if you don't think you can have brunch today without bringing up intense sh$t, I'd rather just cancel."
Response was basically "Wow. Ok." followed up several hours later with a bombardment of tweets about how the world doesn't revolve around me and how she's so sorry that the sh#t going wrong in her life right now didn't wait until it was convenient for me, but it sucks to be vulnerable and in need of a listening ear and be told essentially to shut the f$ck up.
Also that I care more about enjoying my brunch than I do about being an empathetic person. Now I don't know if my exhaustion and stress made me act like a shitty person, or if it made it justified to want to have a meal where I could actually relax for an hour.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
EstherandThyme said:
I'm actually gonna say NTA. I don't buy that people who overshare and dump on near-strangers don't have any idea what they're doing. She trapped you in an uncomfortable position by breaking social rules, and you broke social rules right back (to a lesser degree) to get out of it. You might be the AH in a different situation, but she was already behaving in a way that was not ok. It's not wrong to get out of there and protect yourself.
Gattina1 said:
NTA. You have a chance for a clean break here. Take it. You don't need to add to your stress by being her wailing wall. Block her and move on.
curiousbelgian said:
NTA. To be honest, neither of you is behaving like a friend so it’s probably just as well that this is over. You should probably just have cancelled the lunch without that particular explanation and you could certainly have framed the message to her more kindly. But her reaction shows you made the right decision. Block her on all channels and move on.
Beautiful_Heron3655 said:
ESH. Honestly I totally get where you are at, and I feel the drama hurricane that follows this person. I ALSO see you are in a raw and rough state. I totally get wanting to guard yourself and wanting to set those boundaries. You could have chosen a much more diplomatic way to state the obvious there captain.
Someone else said if this is the way you both are then maybe it's good the "friendship" is on its way out. Not all people vibe and that's ok. Just some decorum in telling people counts too.
Good4dGander said:
ESH. You should've just cancelled. You know how she is and cancelling saying you were too overwhelmed would've been smarter. A white lie just would've been less messy. Then go out yourself to a spa or something.
She should take her own advice. World doesn't revolve around her either and certainly to take it to social media is completely immature. I'm sure she's hurt but needs to recognize you're hurting as well. Y'all need to treat each other better.
Remote_Comedian_562 said:
NTA. Friends respect other friends’ boundaries. Just don’t respond anymore and move on with your life. Hope you have a lucky week.