Bridesmaid fallout reveals affair and groom’s disturbing computer charges. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for telling the real reason I’m no longer a bridesmaid?'
I (25f) had been friends with Cammy (25f) since kindergarten when her family moved next door to mine when we were both 6. We have been through everything together and once considered the other as a sister. We both have even moved to the same state to be close to one another.
About two years ago Cammy started dating Andrew (36m) who I did not like. He was a lot older than her and just did not seem like the right guy for her. She once asked me what I thought of him at the beginning of their relationship and I told her my opinion of him being too old, but she told me that everything was fine and that age was just a number.
I honestly didn't see anything else bad about him, so I eventually learned to let that go, but always had that uneasy feeling about him. Eight months ago Andrew proposed to Cammy and she immediately asked me to be a bridesmaid. I said yes and was happy for her. Her wedding was in late February of this year.
In early November Cammy comes over to my apartment to tell me that she had been actively cheating on Andrew for the past six months with some guy from her work. She told me that Andrew found out and instead of getting angry with her, asked for her forgiveness and wanted to know as to how he could be a better partner to her because he was failing her.
She said the reason she was telling me was to go ahead and get it off her chest before I found out from someone else and thought badly of her. When she told me I could tell she had no remorse and didn't even regret her cheating.
I was shocked and asked if she regretted what she did and she said it hurt her to see Andrew so upset, but she explained that things were so "hot" at work that the tension was too much for her and her coworker to ignore.
I told her that I was no longer going to be a bridesmaid and wasn't going to attend her wedding because I don't associate myself with cheaters and no longer supported her marriage, especially since she did not think what she did was wrong.
Cammy got very mad at me and told me off and eventually blocked me on everything. I never explained to anyone about her cheating for my reason as to why I chose not to go and I made sure to not talk bad about Cammy to anyone who asked because I did consider her to be a sister. We have not talked since that day and I know she and Andrew got married.
Fast forward to last week, I am out with my boyfriend at a coffee shop where I run into one of Cammy's bridesmaids that is also one of her coworkers. She walked up to me and asked how I was and I said fine and told her it was good to see her.
She then apologized for being too forward, but wanted to know if Cammy and I ever made up after our "incident" before her wedding. Confused, I asked what the incident was and she eventually told me that Cammy explained to the bridal party that I chose to leave because of my feelings for Andrew and that I couldn't see him get married because of how I felt.
I was appalled. Not only did I not have any romantic feelings for Andrew, I never even really liked him! I told the bridesmaid that the reason I left was because of Cammy's affair with her coworker, who she knows as well because they all work together.
When I told her that, the bridesmaid said she remembered Cammy and the coworker being close, but didn't know about the affair. She left the coffee shop not long after the conversation and I felt guilty about telling her that since I haven't told anyone. My bf says me telling her that makes it look as if I'm trying to hurt Cammy and Andrew, therefore making it seem as if I do like Andrew.
Aita for telling her that? I don't know if she told Cammy I said that, and I don't know how Cammy and Andrew are doing, but I do feel bad that I shared her business to someone she works with.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You were simply correcting a lie. Cammy didn't need to come up with a lie to explain away your departure from the bridal party. You have every right to defend yourself. I feel sorry for Andrew. Hopefully he will one day realize his worth and accept that his wife's infidelity is not his fault.
It seems likely that you would have kept this Secret forever. Until she did the one thing necessary to bring the story out into the public again. She had it coming. I could never fault you for doing this.
You were a good person who handled things well. Look for what it's worth she's headed for a divorce sooner or later anyway. Her life is hell. She'll get hers. She's getting it now. You're a fine person. Carry on.
NTA - I suppose that you could have wriggled out of telling her somehow, but if Canny is going to make up stories about you that make you look bad, I don't think that she has any right to complain about you telling stories that make her look bad.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
I feel like whenever I post on here something immediately happens resulting in an update 😂 Cammy’s other bridesmaid, who I saw at the coffee shop, reached out to me last night through Facebook. I’ll call her Jenna. Guess whose mugshot was posted on our local news site? Andrew!
I won’t exactly say what he did, but it involves his work computer, personal computer and phone. So you can make your assumptions from that. Cammy reached out to Jenna a few nights ago crying saying that Andrew had been arrested while on shift because of what the IT guy found on his work computer.
Jenna decided to tell me because Cammy mentioned to her how I always felt uneasy about Andrew and how she should’ve listened. Jenna asked Cammy why would I cause I was “so in love” with him and that’s when Cammy came clean and told her about the lie and about her affair with their coworker.
Cammy went on to explain that ever since her and Andrew married, Andrew became very physical with her because of her affair. He waited until there was a ring on her finger to really tell her how he felt about the cheating.
I asked Jenna if Cammy said anything about still seeing the coworker while they were married, and Jenna said Cammy is still seeing him, but swears it’s just friendship now. That’s why Andrew was so upset with her.
Jenna did admit to me that she told Cammy she saw me the other day, which made Cammy ask if she’d think I’d be willing to talk to her. Jenna told her that she didn’t know, but could try to see what would happen.
Cammy hasn’t reached out to me yet and I don’t know if she will. I don’t know what I will do if she does. But that’s the update about her for now. I’ve noticed there were a few people in my last post talking about my bf’s response. To let you know I did ask him about it and he said he was more worried about how it made me look in that moment.
I’ll accept that answer for now, but if he acts up, I will definitely think about things. So far he’s been great. But that’s it hopefully. I’ll probably update if Cammy ever reaches out, but I’m kind of hoping she doesn’t.